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Apr. 3rd, 2008
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Apr. 3rd, 2008 10:19 am![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
ianhess.livejournal.comIT Admin customer voicemail: The error says, The copy failed, permission denied writing to c:\blah. Call me back asap to tell me how to fix it.
When your day starts here, the pepsi may need southern comfort.
When your day starts here, the pepsi may need southern comfort.
Huhwhut? O.o
Apr. 3rd, 2008 10:35 amkyidyl.livejournal.com*client taking forever to attempt to connect to the server and then failing*
I'm talking to the tech on site, at a hospital.
Me: Do you have any firewalls on your network?
Him: No.
Me: Proxy? Anything like that?
Him: No.
Me in my head: Hmmm. You're transferring sensitive patient data over a completely unsecured network. Suuuure you are, I TOTALLY BELIEVE YOU (considering how illigal that is).
Either you think I'm retarded and you're lying to me, or you're retarded...which would be sad, because otherwise you're a nice guy.
Somehow I think the suggestion to open the port for the software so it connect is going to fall flat here.
I'm talking to the tech on site, at a hospital.
Me: Do you have any firewalls on your network?
Him: No.
Me: Proxy? Anything like that?
Him: No.
Me in my head: Hmmm. You're transferring sensitive patient data over a completely unsecured network. Suuuure you are, I TOTALLY BELIEVE YOU (considering how illigal that is).
Either you think I'm retarded and you're lying to me, or you're retarded...which would be sad, because otherwise you're a nice guy.
Somehow I think the suggestion to open the port for the software so it connect is going to fall flat here.
Shooting is too good for em
Apr. 3rd, 2008 04:23 pmleetmasterjames.livejournal.comIve received two calls today of special note.
The first is from a woman that was upset that she couldent find her back, forward or refresh buttons ... in adobe reader. After explaining that she was thinking about Internet Explorer she then asked why she wasn't able to do anything else on the system. I remoted into her system and discovered she had set Adobe to full screen mode. Her reasoning is it would give her the buttons.
The next is from a moron that had a vista laptop in for a format and reinstall of windows. It would have been a repair but sorry cant do that in vista. She could not find her Office CD after the reinstall and was very upset with us for not installing Office 2007. I told her we cant do that as we don't have a key for it but if she provided one for us id be happy to install it. She went to HP and got a set of recovery discs. She then ran the recovery CDs. About half way through the process she calls me again and asks "What will these discs do?" I asked her if she had installed the Carbonite backup software we had sold her and she said no. After telling her that shes likely wiped out her data she stopped the disc thus making sure her system was boned. So at this point she is bringing the system to us so we can run the restore discs and restore her data from the backup we took. Then hand hold her trough installing Carbonite cause its OMG too hard.
The first is from a woman that was upset that she couldent find her back, forward or refresh buttons ... in adobe reader. After explaining that she was thinking about Internet Explorer she then asked why she wasn't able to do anything else on the system. I remoted into her system and discovered she had set Adobe to full screen mode. Her reasoning is it would give her the buttons.
The next is from a moron that had a vista laptop in for a format and reinstall of windows. It would have been a repair but sorry cant do that in vista. She could not find her Office CD after the reinstall and was very upset with us for not installing Office 2007. I told her we cant do that as we don't have a key for it but if she provided one for us id be happy to install it. She went to HP and got a set of recovery discs. She then ran the recovery CDs. About half way through the process she calls me again and asks "What will these discs do?" I asked her if she had installed the Carbonite backup software we had sold her and she said no. After telling her that shes likely wiped out her data she stopped the disc thus making sure her system was boned. So at this point she is bringing the system to us so we can run the restore discs and restore her data from the backup we took. Then hand hold her trough installing Carbonite cause its OMG too hard.
The Day Starts With Stupid
Apr. 3rd, 2008 06:27 pmbitchtude.livejournal.comManager from $RETAIL_LOCATION calls my cell 3 times within as many minutes. Leaves no message. I couldn't hear my phone cause the cleaner was vacuuming and I was a couple offices down (where I can normally hear my phone). So I call Manager back.
Me: So I see you called. What can I do for you?
Manager: You know that printer you brought out yesterday to replace the broken one?
Me: Uh huh
Manager: Well it's out of ink.
Me: Umm...
Manager: What do I do?
He was dead fucking serious. And when I told him to use his store's petty cash (because that's what it's for) and go buy some, he asks, "Where?"
Stupid. Hurting. Make it. Stop.
Me: So I see you called. What can I do for you?
Manager: You know that printer you brought out yesterday to replace the broken one?
Me: Uh huh
Manager: Well it's out of ink.
Me: Umm...
Manager: What do I do?
He was dead fucking serious. And when I told him to use his store's petty cash (because that's what it's for) and go buy some, he asks, "Where?"
Stupid. Hurting. Make it. Stop.
ravenofdreams.livejournal.comI've been trying to decide - is it more laughable when a user thinks the business-end of their computer is in the monitor, or when they refer to their entire tower/box/lump as either the CPU or the drive?
I actually had a user bring in the monitor, and the monitor only, to have Windows reinstalled. They walked in the door, introduced themself, and when I, all in innocence, said 'Oh, you didn't need to bring the monitor - we've got those-" and made a gesture at the row of them above the bench, they got all confused. "Do you only fix that kind?" they ask. (All our monitors are identical.)
And I'm left to simply stare at the user, who's cradling their flatscreen Xerox monitor, and sigh, and explain that they will have to go home and fetch the other part of their computer. Dog only knows what they thought that box was there for. Really, people.
I actually had a user bring in the monitor, and the monitor only, to have Windows reinstalled. They walked in the door, introduced themself, and when I, all in innocence, said 'Oh, you didn't need to bring the monitor - we've got those-" and made a gesture at the row of them above the bench, they got all confused. "Do you only fix that kind?" they ask. (All our monitors are identical.)
And I'm left to simply stare at the user, who's cradling their flatscreen Xerox monitor, and sigh, and explain that they will have to go home and fetch the other part of their computer. Dog only knows what they thought that box was there for. Really, people.
It's all relative, lady...
Apr. 3rd, 2008 11:55 pmsuperbus.livejournal.comI love it when I get customers like the one I got today: one that tells me that something having to do with her web content filtering is "critically important", and that it should be "(my) top priority".
Forget the fact that the issue in question was nothing more than "I want my old software back!" because the new firewalls don't do what they want, and therefore, since there are no outages, nothing is critical. But I love it when these people tell me that they're my top priority. Um, no, you're not. NO one is my top priority, unless they're having a major problem, like... oh, their internet is completely out, or they've been infected by a virus coming from outside the network. THAT is important, because that's basically the tech equivalent of ROCKS FALL EVERYONE DIES. Someone yelling at you because he can't have his toy, theoretically speaking, isn't important, and really, if you had a spine you'd tell him to calm the fuck down. I handle all my customers the same way, and lady, that means you have to wait your turn in line.
And sending in ticket responses saying "where's my answer? This is important!" is NOT the best way to do this! See, I read my queue from the bottom up, meaning I read it from the oldest, last updated ticket to the newest. You keep slamming that "update" button, and all you're doing is knocking yourself out of line! Imagine that! See what your impatience and lack of backbone get you!
And lastly, when you compound all of this crap by telling me, with a gleeful tone of voice, that you're not "techy", that just makes me laugh at you. No, lady, when I laughed, it wasn't one of those "ha ha you're so witty and clever" type laughs, it was one of those "I've got a true bimbo on the phone!" laughs, and it doesn't help that I knew you had a reputation as being a pushy retard before I started dealing with you. So you're not technically savvy enough to understand what I'm saying, and neither is your boss, so you asked me to "dumb down" my statement on your question three times... sorry lady, you don't get priority treatment if you are too stupid to understand anything more than "bad site bad".
In short, the next time you tell me what my priorities are, I should tell you to call up all of the customers in my queue and tell them that you're more important than their firewall issues. However, if you do decide to do this, preface that by telling me what you're doing, so I can get some popcorn and some Raisenettes, and enjoy the coming spectacle.
Forget the fact that the issue in question was nothing more than "I want my old software back!" because the new firewalls don't do what they want, and therefore, since there are no outages, nothing is critical. But I love it when these people tell me that they're my top priority. Um, no, you're not. NO one is my top priority, unless they're having a major problem, like... oh, their internet is completely out, or they've been infected by a virus coming from outside the network. THAT is important, because that's basically the tech equivalent of ROCKS FALL EVERYONE DIES. Someone yelling at you because he can't have his toy, theoretically speaking, isn't important, and really, if you had a spine you'd tell him to calm the fuck down. I handle all my customers the same way, and lady, that means you have to wait your turn in line.
And sending in ticket responses saying "where's my answer? This is important!" is NOT the best way to do this! See, I read my queue from the bottom up, meaning I read it from the oldest, last updated ticket to the newest. You keep slamming that "update" button, and all you're doing is knocking yourself out of line! Imagine that! See what your impatience and lack of backbone get you!
And lastly, when you compound all of this crap by telling me, with a gleeful tone of voice, that you're not "techy", that just makes me laugh at you. No, lady, when I laughed, it wasn't one of those "ha ha you're so witty and clever" type laughs, it was one of those "I've got a true bimbo on the phone!" laughs, and it doesn't help that I knew you had a reputation as being a pushy retard before I started dealing with you. So you're not technically savvy enough to understand what I'm saying, and neither is your boss, so you asked me to "dumb down" my statement on your question three times... sorry lady, you don't get priority treatment if you are too stupid to understand anything more than "bad site bad".
In short, the next time you tell me what my priorities are, I should tell you to call up all of the customers in my queue and tell them that you're more important than their firewall issues. However, if you do decide to do this, preface that by telling me what you're doing, so I can get some popcorn and some Raisenettes, and enjoy the coming spectacle.
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