Why would you do this?

[lihan161051.livejournal.com]

Why would you buy a static IP from your cable ISP and then connect a PC to one of the modem's downlink ports, configure it for that static IP, and then buy a router, connect it to another port, and try to use the SAME STATIC IP in its config? Why? Do you hate me that much?

(He's nice enough, but nice only goes so far. Complete lack of any conceptual understanding of what one is playing around with, and eagerness to jump around clicking things at random, makes me wish I could reach in and set it up correctly, then remotely lock out configuration settings so all the guy sees is a big friendly looking dialog that says "Don't mess with this, it will make your computer explode." That's if I'm in a nice mood.)

Scratch that, he didn't even get that far. Apparently he's never seen the admin interface before.

Somebody at this guy's ISP saw him coming, I tell you what ..

Seriously...

[gholam.livejournal.com]

When you call a phone number, and an automated system tells you "You have reached $company Computer Systems", would this clue you in that you have not reached a dental clinic or car service?

For a distressingly large number of people, the answer is apparently negative. A certain percentage of them also require several repeated reassurances that no, we fix computers here - not car engines, and definitely not teeth.

A back up communications method should be considered.

[geekgrrl-ca.livejournal.com]

I don't mind relay calls (deaf person contacts an operator, the operator calls me), how ever I do wish that the customer wouldn't use the computer we're troubleshooting to contact the operator, it makes it difficult to reboot. it also causes some other issues like when our software closes all programs that are running.

Timely information

[syberghost.livejournal.com]

So, we're having a datacenter-wide power outage this weekend, as part of an expansion. We've got to shut all the servers down, and we've been asking the test organizations for our various projects to inform us when they have finished with a test level for the day so we can shut down as many of them early as we can, and not have to coordinate it all after hours.

About 11:30 this morning, one of my projects informs me that their Level 4 and Level 2 environments are done for the day, we can go ahead and shut those down.

Two hours later, they tell me this:

"BTW, the APAC databases for L3 and L4 all reside on the same server, so we can't shut that one down yet."

TWO HOURS LATER. Do ya think perhaps I might have already gotten those bad boys shut down, folks? Just maybe?

Edit: and now, Trane has screwed up the UPS and we may not even have the power outage...

Edit two: yep, sure enough; fire marshals have to certify the repairs before we can connect the new UPS, can't get them today, power outage is pushed off more than a month.

Helpful versus NOT AT ALL HELPFUL

[vulgarcriminal.livejournal.com]

Helpful:
Notifying me one of your machines gave you a stop error and what the code is!

NOT Helpful:
Unplugging it and pushing it against the wall.

Helpful!
Letting me know one of your machines is giving you a beep code.

NOT Helpful:
Unplugging the machine and turning it around.

Helpful!!! :D
Calling me in during one of your lunch breaks and explaining that such and such a machine no worky.

NOT AT ALL HELPFUL:
Unplugging the keyboard.

Are we noticing a pattern yet?

God damn it!

(RAM and video card respectively.)

Sometimes I think my boss is worse than end users..

[darkrose.livejournal.com]

So it's Friday, a day I have grown to hate, because it's the day I get to correlate the support reports and write knowledge base topics based on any kind of common issues I see. Why the Support Apes can't do this, I'll never know. As some of you have so kindly pointed out, my grammar and spelling could use some work.

Anyway, here's an IM exchange I just had the displeasure of dealing with between the president of the company (my boss) and me.

( Cut for extreme idiocy )

Battle of Wits with the Unarmed

[samwize.livejournal.com]

Scene: techs preparing new laptops for sales force. One sales guy, a real dinosaur who is utterly computer clueless, is having his files and email and so forth moved.

Salesasaur: "Now, you guys make sure to bring over my screensaver, y'hear?"

Me: "I'll see what we can do. Hey [other tech], is that screensaver just a .scr file?"

OT: "Nope. It's got all kinds of settings and stuff. Maybe it's freeware?"

Me: "I'll check." *google-google-google*

Google: "WARNING! THIS IS SPYWARE! MALWARE! RUN AWAY SCREAMING! DON'T CONNECT TO ME FROM YOUR NETWORK! I'M SCARED!AAAAAAHHHH!!!"

Me: "Ooooohhhh-kaaaay.... Salesasaur, we can't put that screensaver on your new computer. It's malware."

Salesasaur: "I don't care. Just put it on there."

Me: "No. Do you know what 'spyware' is?"

Salesasaur: "No. I don't really care about that stuff. I just like the butterflies [on the screensaver]."

Me: [thumbnail sketch of the concept of spyware]

Salesasaur: "Well, I don't care! I've been using it for 5 years!! Just put it on there, already!"

Me: "No. I won't. You've been transmitting your personal information, slowing down your computer, and opening up our networks to bullshit viruses and identity thieves for five years! Because _you_ won't learn how to use the tools required for your job, _I_ have to do a shitload more work and clean our network since you so kindly brought a massively infected machine to our main office and just plugged the damn thing in. _I_ don't care if you "like the butterflies". I don't care if you like licking tires because they taste good: it's still not hygienic. Now, I'm removing your ability to install new programs onto _our_ computer, setting up some extra anti-virus and anti-spyware software scans that you can't turn off onto that shiny new laptop you'll never learn how to use, and basically keeping _you_ from shooting _us_ in the foot ever again. And if you complain, I'm revoking your rights to use our email server. Don't fuck with me today, Salesasaur. You're totally in the wrong, and I'm totally in the right, and besides, I'm leaving the company in two weeks, so I'd LOVE to go talk to our boss. Now: Walk away. I'm tired of your crap."

Salesasaur: *flabberghasted* "....I- I- I-"

Me: "You, WHAT?! You want to apologize to me for having to support your sorry ass? You want to apologize for your extremely poor judgment? You want to tell me how a man with absolutely no understanding of computers and no desire to understand them decided to sell enterprise grade software? You're sorry for treating the techs like they were your employees and not your peers? You, WHAT, exactly? WALK. AWAY. NOW."

Salesasaur walks away.


Later I went to the boss and he agreed with me 100%.
Damn that felt good.

OVER TWO YEARS?!

[ebtb.livejournal.com]

how do I get rid of it - it reinstalls and starts on boot up every time.

Is a new hard drive and total rebuild the only way to totally clean your stuff off?

 

Help please - this has been baffling me for over two years now.

Why ask for help now?! I mean.... you've come this far...