I don't make the rules

[thalionar.livejournal.com]

And I don't believe you when you tell me that you've broken the rules "all the time" in the past. Why don't I believe you? because your ticket history doesn't support it.

The skinny:

You have to have an "entitlement" number to be "entitled" to our service. For regular employees, it's your employee number. For vendors/contractors, your sponsor has to fill out a form to have one created for you. The form takes about 2 min to fill out and about 2 business hours to get back.

No, we cannot reset passwords for anyone without an entitlement number.
No, we cannot reset passwords for people who call in for people without an entitlement number.
We can only reset the password for the owner of the ID who has an entitlement number.
In extreme emergency, we can reset the password and leave it on the corporate voice mail system.

If you are too WHATEVER to not fill out the damned form, or get the temp a voice mail box, I'm sorry, I can't provide the service to you or the temp.

I DO NOT believe that "that's how you've always done it." I've been on this account for over a year, and that's the way it's been. The documentation shows the document was created in 2004, and the only changes have been spelling corrections and website changes.

Now, STFU and get a fucking entitlement number for the stupid cow who couldn't remember what she changed her network password to.

paranoia & gay porn...

[ebtb.livejournal.com]

...what more could I ask for out of a call? NOTHING.

The first words out of this (l)user's mouth are a very frantic "I need immediate assistance - my system is experiencing a security breach".

Ok, this has the makings of an awesome call.

So I ask which program he's using - turns out he's a home user who has installed one of corporate network security suites. Yeah... so he must live in Cheyenne Mountain to be so panicked.

When I asked him to explain the situation, he tells me there's a "gang of government hackers out to get" him and they have also "commandeered the software to take over his computer". O... K...

Not being the savviest user I've ever worked with, I asked if I could remote in since the quality of calls and emails today have been lacking, I didn't have the patience to troubleshoot with this guy. Through the grace of some higher power, he actually agrees.

By this time, I had muted the guy and was laughing so much, that a crowd of co-workers gathered behind me who are also laughing.

What happened next couldn't have been more perfect. I remote in and the guy has a very graphic depiction of to 2 guys sucking each other off on his desktop. All the guys behind me immediately gasp as I laugh (still muted).

Two of the guys are like "OK! AND ON THAT NOTE, I'M GOING TO LUNCH!"

So I said "lemme guess - kielbasa, hotdogs, bananas, pickles and popsicles are not on the menu?"

Classic. Fuckin' classic.