pwned!

[liber-cogito.livejournal.com]

So, I'm tech support for 'big dialup isp/content provider that people with broadband still use for the user friendly interface' Many, many of our techs are idiots. I am not. Many problems are our problems. This one, was not.

My habit: Dancing in and out of the bounds of support when it will piss an ISP off to do so.

Me: Thanking you for calling ... tech support, how may I assist you tonight?

User: I have broadband. I can get online, but it's really slow.

Me: Okay...(not seeing how this is our issue) I apologize for the inconvenience, Sir.

User: So I called 'ISP that sounds JUST like a certain name for the male genitalia, only plural' cable, and they said that the ... firewall your company provides is blocking them from pinging my modem. But it's only slow here when I'm using their service, and not at work. But anyway, they said that you could take the firewall off for me.

Me: Erm, okay. So, just to make sure I understand you correctly, the cable company says that the ... firewall is blocking them from pinging your modem?

User: Yeah.

Me: (Checking the account. Realizing user is a fellow new yorker, and thus I can throw the sweetness and light out the window and just get shit done.) Well Sir, to be totally candid with you...that doesn't make any sense.

User: I didn't think so either.

Me: Now, I'd certainly be happy to walk you though configuring or removing the firewall...or I can help you determine why the connection is so slow and send you back to the cable company armed with that information.

User: (laughing) I'd definitely prefer the latter.

So, I have him tracert xxx.net 7 hops. And you betcha, everyone that ended with xxx.net was hitting 90ms and above.

I spent the next ten minutes explaining what a traceroute was, what it told us, and how tcp/ip worked. After professing his love, (anything for a fellow new yorker) he hung up to call back the cable company. I'm fairly certain that when he starts talking about tracert times to the host and the fact that tcp/ip is tcp/ip regardless of who supplies it (they told him the reason that the connection worked fine at work (cable supplied by someone else) and not at his home, was because of settings on his computer), what ever 'tech' he gets will pee himself and find someone that might actually not give the poor guy a bullshit resolution.

It made me smile.

And then I got one of those calls from some idiot woman who wanted to connect using broadband, because the wireless router was in her laptop, you see... I had to explain to HER in very tiny words what an electrical socket was, and how no, really, the cable modem DOES use electricity. She ended up not having a router at all, not understanding why the wireless in her laptop didn't work... and the only reason she was trying to USE the laptop was because the 'big computer' hadn't been able to connect to the internet in a week.

I wondered if she would stick a fork into 'that little face on the wall that the cords go into' if I asked her to.

(no subject)

[phrogg.livejournal.com]

Dear (L)user:

Do not call me at 6:30pm to fix a problem that you've known about since NOON. I'm not at work at 6:30pm, and i will tell you that i will get around to it in the morning.

Do NOT, after i have acknowledged your issue and put you at the top of my schedule for the following day, email my boss and tell him, "OMGWTF I NEED THIS FIXED!!!" so that HE calls me at 8:30pm to find out if i know anything about your problems. I have already looked at your issue, found it to be not as vital as you think, and scheduled it.

The next morning, when i come in to look at your problem, I'M THERE BECAUSE YOU NEED SOMETHING FIXED "LIEK OMGBAD". My source of caffeine is in my office, and i stopped by because i walk PAST your desk on my way in. Don't tell me to "wait, let me finish typing this 15,000-page essay for class". You're at work, try doing some WORK. Do your homework at home, dorkfish.

Sincerely,
Me.

Worst kind of mean.

[lihan161051.livejournal.com]

What sort of person sets a nursing home resident's desktop wallpaper to an image of a particularly cryptic dialog that looks just like an active window? A window that looks like something said resident would really want to close but obviously can't? Would it be the same sort of person that ties cans to a dog's tail for fun?

I hate people sometimes .. I really do ..

Vista Woes

[phrogg.livejournal.com]

Okay, so in addition to my official job, i sometimes help my associates with their personal computers on the side...not unheard of, i'm sure.

However, i'm sincerely tempted to hang up my "personal tech" hat for a while.

I'm sure most of you have noticed how new pre-fab systems are typically touting Windows Vista, despite the fact that we all know that until at least one service pack is released, it's not worth the time or money.

So a fellow brings his brand-new laptop to me today. BRAND-new. The tape on the box hasn't even been cut. I help him unpack it, get it hooked up, turn on the power. And wait. And wait. About an hour later, after all the initial setup and first-run crap that you have to deal with from prefab machines is done, i set about getting them hooked up to their wireless network (which they DO have, surprisingly enough). Takes forever and a day. Just clicking on the ...whatever they're calling the Start Menu... takes forever. We're talking 10 seconds just to display the menu, longer than that once i try to open their network connections.

Now, in my experience, even with all the extraneous crap that comes along with a new computer, it usually runs pretty well at first, so this had me confused. So i look at the system specs...and laugh. Heartily. And swear that the manufacturer is a crack baby.

I don't care how popular the computer is, how little stupidware the factory installs, or how many "optimizers" they include. 512MB of RAM is not enough to run Vista well.

It's even worse when the Intel Mobile chipset splits that 512 between the system and the video.

Is it possible to market a system like this in good conscience?!