I love it when they trust me :)

[pixelchik.livejournal.com]

Admin calls in because users can't send email suddenly. He's on speaker phone with me, and his manager has been barking at him the entire time.

Exchange Admin: "The services are started, but I can't bring one of the databases online."
Me (after reviewing the server): "Oh, seems like you just hit the end of log file sequence. We have to start you over." I further explain the backup procedure after doing this, etc.
Exchange Admin: "So once I do what you say, my boss will get off my shoulder?"
Me: "Yes, after this you should be all set. You may want to let your users know that you're about to down the whole server though.."
Exchange Admin (in his most southern accent): "Eh - screw em! Alright! Hold my beer! Watch this!"

:)

(no subject)

[ladynisa.livejournal.com]

So, last week I had to describe a flippin' triangle. This week? This week... its a circle.

A CIRCLE!!!!

Me: "Click on the circle to select the shipment."
Cm: "The what?"
Me: "The circle."
Cm: "...What does it look like?"
Me: *mutes while jaw drops to my lap and forehead slams against the desk.*  "You know... a circle? It's round, you can click on it and it puts a pretty green dot in the middle?"
Cm: *after searching for several minutes*  "OH! I think I see it.... yeah, its green now. What do I do next?"

I don't think there's room to describe the explicit language that was going through my mind. That is STILL going through my mind.

...

IT'S AN EFFING CIRCLE!!!!!!!!!

Crap list.

[azzy23.livejournal.com]

This user is now officially on my crap list. Here's why (so far):

1) Hi! I have 2 questions, both are generic and so vague that I can't even really describe it. Example: Update failed. No other details available, please fix this immediately.

2) No, you can't remotely connect to my machine, because I clearly have the cure for effing cancer on my system, even though I only have 2 licenses of your product, which thereby classifies me as a small, personal business user (like... 1 step up from home computer).

3) Conversations like this:

me: Go to website a for that patch.
user: it says page cannot be displayed.
m: dump your cache and try it again.
u: Okay, I'm there. I just entered my license#.
m: did you go to website b, or website a (like I asked you to)?
u: Website a, just like you asked.
m: Click on this link.
u: I don't have that link, I have this other one.
*long silence*
m: You're on website b. Please go to website a.
u: I can't get logged into website a, says I need to reset my password, but it won't take anything I enter.
m: It requires a strong password.
u: I KNOW that. I entered the same thing I had before!
m: That would be a violation of the password policy.
u: Well that makes no sense at all!! Your page has problems. I want to know why it won't take the same password again!!

*mental growl*

4) Your expectation that I have every single filename, every single tab and button location, every single minute detail of the product MEMORIZED, when you're incapable of accessing a simple website.

You, sir, bear my curse. I curse you.

[EDIT] Oh, and I finally get you to the page, and there are 40 pages of patches listed, and you expect me to know the page the specific one you need is on... which is HIGH-larity, considering this builds off a list of what products YOU purchased, so it's different for every user. Sheesh!

oh noes! not warcraft III

[ebtb.livejournal.com]

How can i open port in the program, i cant host in warcraft III without shutting firewall down , and there aint coming anymore the question  for letting it or abort it,  as the popup window asks.
how i can get fast help , greetz.

/killself