For the Lotus geeks

[tertiumquid.livejournal.com]

When the Domino server admin asks where to find names.nsf on the server, I believe we have identified the root cause of their problems.

SC06 International Conference

[aa-shtr.livejournal.com]

Anybody here participating in the SC06 International Conference this week - either on site or remotely?

Urge to kill: Rising

[kizayaen.livejournal.com]

So.

Part of my current job is taking SQL database export files, which are generated on a nightly basis, and PGP-encrypting them then delivering them to their respective clients. Common delivery methods include placing on their FTP server, placing on our FTP server for their download, or emailing.

I am going to tell you a story about an automated job scheduled to run on Monday nights, but I'm going to do it indirectly by the expedient of summarizing emails back and forth.

*** Note: Paraphrased heavily. I don't ACTUALLY make a habit of cursing out my senior coworkers... but I was sure as hell tempted.

Dramatis personae:
Kiz: Me
Ken: Data specialist who writes the automated export jobs and manually runs the ones which are not automated; generally speaking the person in charge of all the exports (Names not changed because I'm not too much interested in protecting the guilty)
Scott: Automated eligibility specialist; point of contact at client

---

From: Kiz
To: Ken
Subject: Export status
Tue 11/14/2006 8:14AM

The most recent file for EAS Cigna was dated 11/8. Is it possible that this job wasn't rescheduled back to Mondays after (major clusterfuck last week)? It goes out today and needs to be on our FTP site by 1:30PM EST for their pickup, so that needs to be resolved post-haste.

---

From: Scott
To: Kiz
Subject: Re: (client)
Wed 11/15/2006 2:20PM

Kiz,
Are you currently placing a file on your server?

---

From: Kiz
To: Scott
Subject: Re: Re: (client)
Wed 11/15/2006 3:30PM

Scott,

The file should have been available on the server. I'm running your export manually and you should have the file available in a few minutes.

---

From: Kiz
To: Ken
Subject: What the fuck, over? Strong words follow.
Wed 11/15/2006 3:31PM

What part of "needs to be out by 1:30PM" did you not understand in my email yesterday?

I need you to run that feed manually right now so I can send the export file to the client. He emailed me an hour ago asking where it is. I also need you to look at the scheduling and see if you can figure out why it's not running.

---

From: Ken
To: Kiz
Subject: Re: What the fuck, over? Strong words follow.
Wed 11/15/2006: 3:46PM

ok, file is done.

---

From: Kiz
To: Scott
Subject: Re: Re: (client)
Wed 11/15/2006 3:47PM

Scott,

The file has been manually run and is now available for your pickup.

I'm continuing to beat the hell out of my data specialist investigate the issue and will follow up with you and let you know when it has been resolved.

n0 b3t4 for j00!

[ebtb.livejournal.com]

Luser wants to know if we can send him a copy of our beta software on CD since he's on dial-up... ugh.

And I just got this wonderful email:

Hiyas,
   Thanks for the hedzup.  This is about the 3rd time in 30 days I've had a chance to see if I could geta grip (on this firewall). I'm still stymied by aspects of it but I do like the idea of having better control over who gets in and what they make off with. I'm just finding that I'm doing more to wall myself out and in than anyone else. I think I may need the firewall video for stupids. Either that or I need to cut holes in both my front pockets so my left hand can tell what my right hand is doing. Atop all else is the fact that I've got 7 days to figure out the answer to Life, the Universe and Everything; but tomorrow I'll have my broadband connection back (Hence my obvious insanity). The thing is, what I really mean....  (Elton John) ....
is there anyway I can prolong my trial a bit ??  (Hussein) I'd love to play with it a bit once I am back up to speed.

                                                       Thank you, bob
                                                                  AKA: qoq

PS: Your's are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen.

PPS: And, never begin a sentence with a conjunction

How to send an email to 9,542 people

[torkell]

x-posted to boggyb and techsupport

How to send an email to nine thousand, five hundred and forty-two people:

Put every one of the 9,542 email addresses in the To header. Send email.

Wait for a good hour or so while your email client sends 9,542 seperate emails. I'm wrong, SMTP actually allows multiple destination addresses to be given for one email. Worst-case is merely sending 95 seperate emails. Of course, it still fans out to hit every one of those 9,542 inboxes.

Piss off any of those 9,542 people who are using Outlook Express, as Outlook Express wedges solid with 100% CPU usage when given 200kB of To header to parse. Annoy any of those 9,542 people who are using Thunderbird, as Thunderbird's renderer does strange things when given 200kB of To header to parse. Annoy any of those 9,542 people using Pine, as Pine crashes when commanded to show full headers of an email with 200kB of header.

And piss off the administrators, who have just had nearly 2 gigabytes of email pass through their servers.


Irritatingly, this doesn't seem to actually violate RFC 2822 as long as the lines are no longer than 998 characters. Grrr.