i'm in ur browser, ownin ur internetz

[wyldthyng.livejournal.com]

I totally forgot to share this GEM of a customer interaction I had the other night. It made me giggle.

I'm not tech support per se, but being a web-based business sometimes means that we have to figure out the reasons for the existence of technical issues. Turned out to be on our side, and we found a workaround, but all this was shared with me, I was doing some digging with a customer.

Me: What version of Internet Explorer do you have?
Customer: Copyright 2000-2005 ~my company's name~

ummmm... right. Moving on... XD

thank for letting know

[ebtb.livejournal.com]

This guy seriously needs to get laid!

Your PDF file page 5-2, 2nd sentence under TCP/IP Layer - missing a word.

Can I Buy a Vowel? How about a Clue?

[hisamishness.livejournal.com]

I wish I was making this stuff up....
-----------------------------------------------------

problem seening projector from window  clare

the overhead projector user is not able to ee

user is in the xxxxx training room

ext  xxxx

user somethong on the window and they are unable to see from the projector

-----------------------------------------------------
Nobody anywhere near this ticket is named "clare"

crap crap crap... on top of this I have two weeks of tickets to clear up in 3  2 days so I can take some vacation time.

(now LJ's 'pretty' editor wants to leave open Strike tags... Grrr)

Ghos' Ticket

[xforge.livejournal.com]

The frustration hisamishness had reminded me of one I got last Friday:

From: $Senior_Accounting_Manager
Subj: Pamela Cameron's printer is not working

So I hit the corporate directory and look for Pamela Cameron's extension number. There's no Pamela Cameron listed. Okay, new employee, not in the directory, says I. I go to $Senior_Accounting_Manager and she says "Nope, no Pamela Cameron working for me, or in Accounting at all that I know of. And no, I didn't call in any ticket about a printer."

OOooooOooOoooooo---kayyyyy.

Asked around Accounting a bit more - nope, there is no Pamela Cameron. How eeeeeenteresting.

::sigh::

::twitch::

(no subject)

[knittinggoddess.livejournal.com]

I'm now doing phone support for a graphics app, and also help out people who are trying to download the programs. It's...a job.

Some gems for today:
The "They Speak Technology!" Woman: is downloading a large file from her employer, and IE keeps returning the error "server timed out." ...She's on dialup, I'm betting, but she has no idea "about those acronyms." So, why is she calling? Because we help with...downloads? Oh my.

The Apple Guy: I pick up the phone and the guy introduces himself as someone calling for a customer, then gives the summary of the problem and what has been done with the vocabulary and confidence of someone doing tech support. The ambient noise and discussion makes me think they are in an Apple Store, and the guy confirms this. So surely he's an Apple Tech, right? I treat him as such, and give him further directions (go to Console, check out the crash logs, have you fscked, etc). He does not balk at the speed, but probably has never opened Console before (woah, all this gibberish!) and doesn't know what fsck is. I hope to God he's not an Apple Tech, because daymn. I spent two years doing only moderate level Mac support and I could do all this in my sleep.

Windows Chromosomes?

[ebtb.livejournal.com]

Notice: This is verbatim!

I did not dowload it.
I have a Millenium OS.
According to the guide that I saw later, Your program only works on XY

Yay!

[darkblade1.livejournal.com]

It's hump day, and I'm hitting the hump.

It goes like this...

Customer: "I can't get online"

Me: "Ok, we'll take a look at that."

This is a brand new account, so she needs to register her modem with us.

Me: "Ok, so what type of cable modem do we have?"

Customer: "A what?"

Me: "Cable modem, the external device that is connected to the cable from the wall, then also connected to the computer."

Customer: "Oh ok. It's made by e-machines."

Come to find out she was a previous AOL user. I didn't expect much knowledge after that.