From the other side...

[adamjaskie.livejournal.com]

This was posted in an automotive forum I frequent. Sometimes, the problem is not a PEBKAC. I'm sure everyone has overheard one of their more clueless coworkers in a conversation like this:

So my cable interent was down today...
and after several restarts of my modem it still did not work. I have Adelphia's high speed internet for about 4 years now. This is like my 4th time it's gone down in those 4 years. Not to bad and I'm actually very happy with the service. However tonight was a nightmare talking to the help desk person.

( continues... )

(no subject)

[drquuxum.livejournal.com]

Dear CENSORED,

I've been proud to say that after nearly a decade in the user support field, no user has ever sent me an e-mail saying that he/she can't send e-mail. That is, until today, when you sent me the following e-mail:

    I am unable to send emails.

You've ruined what has otherwise been a fascinating career. Please decommission yourself.

You started it

[network-nerd.livejournal.com]

Yet another user installed an application that tries to sidestep firewalls -- in this case, some Yahoo VOIP thing that first tries port 5061, but if it can't get through then it falls back to 443 and finally 80, even though it's using SIP and not HTTP or HTTPS.

Grrr...

The best definition I know of for "firewall" is "Network Policy Enforcement Device". So if you engineer an app to bypass typical firewalls, what you've created is, by definition, a "Network Policy VIOLATION Device". So the end users you're trying to help go from just not being able to use an unauthorized application, to potentially being FIRED for trying. User friendly? Hardly.

Look, guys: If you build your nifty thingamabob assuming that network security is your users' enemy, guess what? IT WILL BE.

Play nice. Use your own ports, register and document them. I routinely Google on "product name" and "firewall" to learn what I have to do to allow my users to use said product, and make the appropriate adjustments, usually within 24 hours of the first request from a user that gets approved.

But pull a stunt like Yahoo, and I have to start blocking addresses and checking the status of funding for an SSL proxy and possibly making it a bit hard for our users to get to some approved destinations while figuring out how to block your crap. Result is that I'm not happy, and neither are my users, and so when it reaches someone who can approve the use of your app -- or NOT! -- on our network, my recommendation is going to be "No, we can't trust them" and odds are that the blocks will be made permanent.

And it will be your own fault.

(no subject)

[supportbitch.livejournal.com]

Time for another story!

I check voicemails every morning. I plod through them, listening to the same voice stumble over numbers and letters over and over until I'm confident I have enough information to let another tech make the call back. One I got yesterday...it just takes the cake. (logins and numbers changed for the hell of it.)


Hello. I am not know what is the customer number you are wanting...I have login. What is customer number? *pause* Login is p as in paul. A as in...application. O as in...OK. D as in...as in...as don't. A as in...a is application. P as in toy. A is an application.

I will leave number. It is +47...39...67 yellow 8. Please be calling me back.


If you ever find yourself in the position to leave voicemail, please remeber a few things.

01. State your name clearly. If you do not, then I will make up a new name for you. It will involve the phrase "assrabbit".
02. Spell any logins. Preferably using the nautical alphabet. Honestly, people. They spent a long time getting that together. Each word is picked because it is fairly distinct from other words (X-ray can be forgiven.) It's not that hard.
03. Repeat any numerical sequence atleast twice. Again--use common sense. You can't spell goddamn numbers. I'm not going to get it the first time. I hate having to repeat 60 seconds of you stuttering into your phone just for a handful of numbers.
04. Speak slowly. Don't rush. You might not think you have an accent--but unless you're from the Midwestern USA, YOU HAVE A FUCKING ACCENT. Southerners--"eyes" "ice" and "ass" might as well be the same word. DO YOU KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN E AND I?! Yankees--what the HELL is a "qwarter"? Some kind of mutant h2o? Aussies--are you saying "hello" or insinuating something about my sexuality? Brittons--your words do not mean what you think they do in other langages. Like fags. If you're going out for a fag--AMERICANS DON'T WANT TO KNOW ABOUT IT. French people--don't say "horse". Don't say "h". Avoid the letter "h" in all of your logins. I DO NOT KNOW WHAT AN EWCH IS. Indians--you're english is not the good. Please to be the expecting of having to be of the repeating. The rest of you--MORE INSULTING THINGS ABOUT YOUR DIALECTS AND CULTURAL HERITAGE. HAH. HAH.
05. Be detailed. I'm so MUCH more inclined to call you back when I KNOW that your operating system won't install on such-and-such a motherboard--is that a hardware raid? DIE IN A FIRE. But hey--atleast I want to tell you that. As oposed to those of you who say your name, your number, and you login. IT'S NOT THE MILITARY. YOU ARE NOT A POW. GIVING OUT INFORMATION IS NOT TREASON.
06. Colors are not a vaild part of your phone number. I don't care where you're from. THERE IS NO "YELLOW" KEY ON MY NUMBER PAD.

Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot.