One of my favorite calls that I didn't actually get

[redqueenmeg.livejournal.com]

This happened to a coworker of mine:

COWORKER: Thank you for calling (helpdesk), this is (tech), how can I help you?
IDIOT WOMAN: Hi, yeah, Microsoft Word is messing up. But I have the property tag from this laptop! It is XXXXXX.
COWORKER: (looks up tag) OK... that appears to be assigned to someone else. May I have your employee number and we'll get this all straightened out?
IDIOT WOMAN: Oh, I'm not an employee!
COWORKER: (WTF?) Then... why do you have one of our laptops?
IDIOT WOMAN: Well, it said on it that I should call this number if the computer wasn't working!
COWORKER: Yes, but... why do you have one of our laptops if you are not an employee?
IDIOT WOMAN: Oh! My boyfriend is an employee and this is his work computer. But he was given a new computer, so he gave me this one to use for my schoolwork. So, you have to help me make it work.

1. Guy is a dumba$$ for giving her a work computer that may possibly even have US government proprietary information on it.
2. Woman is a dumba$$ for calling us for tech support.

Just... wTF.

Reminds me of working at Dell, when people would steal computers, then claim that possession was proof of ownership, and would call in for tech support on computers they HAD NOT PAID FOR.

(no subject)

[harry-whodunnit.livejournal.com]

Dear customers,

If you call to report you're having trouble using service X, and I ask if you're subscribed to service X (having learned through bitter experience that it can't be taken for granted), the correct answer is either 'yes' or 'no'. Not 'how can I tell'.

And please bear in mind that fixing the problem is a process of trying various different solutions until one of them works. When my initial suggestions don't fix it, try to keep that note of dark satisfaction out of your voice. If I begin to suspect you're deliberately sabotaging my attempts to help you, I'm going to lose all interest in trying and find an excuse to fob you off. I've been in tech support long enough to get over my martyr complex.

_{It's two hours into my working week, and I've already had enough.}

I'm sorry

[polarbee.livejournal.com]

Nameless tech support person over at the local ISP, I'm sorry. I tried and tried to talk this guy into going home and calling you but he said he didn't believe in phones anymore. I tried to explain that the problem he was having with his email was 1) Something we couldn't fix as it is a POP3 problem and 2) Something you could fix but that he needed to be at home in front of his computer. I'm sorry that you are going to have him dropping his dirty, nasty computer on your desk and demanding help.

But I'm not sorry he left here. I'm still hunting the dust bunnies that poured out.

Following directions: why is it so hard?

[knittinggoddess.livejournal.com]

A student wanted help scanning her document. When I went into the lab, she had the instructions website pulled up, which was good...but the scanner was not plugged in to her computer. The scanner sits between two computers, and people plug it into whichever computer they need (which is handy, because sometimes the connected computer is being used).

Oh, it's going to be a long shift. When my evening also starts with an email from my mom asking that I give my sister email instructions on creating a spreadsheet (without even telling me what applications she has), I know it will be a long night.

On a slightly related note, my thesis adviser wants me to use Excel for statistics. Excel? When we have academic licenses for JMP and StatView? Whatever, I'll export the JMP file to xls for my thesis meetings.