Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Work, Part 9

[delta_mike]

(Previously. Recap: University sysadmin.)

• Name servers after meta-syntactic variables.
• The correct strategy for coping with a contagious illness is not, "Continue to come in and cough on all the users, so that there's no work for you to do when you recover.”
• Configure the undergraduate lab workstations to object verbally when someone tries to wander off with one of it's peripherals.
• Change the graphical login shell on April Fools Day to mimic the Windows 95 desktop, complete with Mac start-up chord.
• Tell a user that all of their data – and all of the backups of their data – are gone, "Just to see the look on their little faces."
• Reduce load on the home-directory servers by implementing "rolling SIGSTOPs" on end-user terminals.
• Keep sharpened CD blanks in my desk drawers.
• Say, "Ooops, that's not the button I meant to press." while in earshot of, well, anyone.
• Explain to undergraduates that "the git revision control tool" is an implement used by authoritarian lecturers to make them prepare harder for exams.
• Publish notices in public spaces claiming that "It's not just you. Technical support really are out to get you. Yes, you."
• ... or add a footnote claiming that the ire of technical services can be placated with chocolate.
• Well done, however, for passing your first-aid training. Hopefully you won't need it. While you're at it, could you take over as the local fire coordinator as well..?

(Continued!)

Comments

[redhillian.livejournal.com]

On the final point: A fire alarm does not require a real fire.

[theogrin.livejournal.com]

It's probably not a good idea to carve blank CDs into miniature Bat'leths (or Batarangs), either. Not that I'd know...

[azurelunatic]

And definitely not a good idea to "stress-test" CDs by spinning them on an electric drill at max RPMs.

[torkell]

Configure the undergraduate lab workstations to object verbally when someone tries to wander off with one of it's peripherals.

At school (I helped the IT guy out while in 6th form), to stop a batch of optical mice from disappearing the plugs were superglued in. Some time later, we received a report of a computer missing a mouse which puzzled us since the whole point of supergluing plugs was to stop that. It all became clear when we checked the computer, and found that it was indeed missing the mouse... and about half the mouse cable.

[ladyofscotts.livejournal.com]

I am not allowed to tell the users that it is them and not the computers that are broken.

[dysan27.livejournal.com]

I love these lists.

Your stratagy for illnesses is actually quite clever.