He's a Real Doctor!

[endotoxin.livejournal.com]

	$ISP, David speaking, how may I help you?
	Hi, I'm Doctor Fussbudget. You're my provider in $STATE_WHAT_WE_DONT_SERVICE, and I'm trying to get my circa 1990s Macintosh to dial in via VoIP and across state lines to reach your service so I can download email. Can you help me with that?
	Wow... Wow sir, no. No, that's not going to work at all. Dialing up from out of state is headache enough, but you're doing it over Voice over IP? No, that's not gonna work at all.
	Well why not?
	A couple of reasons, but the most important being that digitally compressing a saturated analog signal is going to completely destroy communication. I'm surprised you managed to get your computer to handshake in the first place!
	Well wait, I'm a Doctor, so you can't tell me that something doesn't work!
	Really?
	It worked when I lived in town, didn't it?
	Yes, but now you DON'T live in town. Do you. And you DON'T have regular telephone service, you have Internet Phones. Don't you.
	Oh. Well yes, I guess that's true. But why won't it work?
	Well it's a little hard to explain without going into radio theory-
	Listen, I'm a Doctor!
	Yes sir. As you said. Anyway, the basic problem is that you're trying to layer Internet on top of Phone on top of Internet. That's just not going to work. If you can actually accomplish making that work, let me know, cause I'm pretty sure it can't be done. OK?
	Ah. Well, I guess that makes sense. So what do I do?
	Does your $COMPUTER_YOU_EXCAVATED_FROM_A_CAVE have an Ethernet port?
	Wazzat?
[TIME PASSES]
	So I've got it plugged in to my router, and now I need to get Eudora to download my email. Do I need an IP Address?
	What do you mean, sir?
	Well, you know, I need to be able to connect to your IP to get my email.
	Sir, do you know what an IP Address is?
	Well, not really...
	Then trust me when I say that as a Doctor, you really don't need to be concerned with IP Addresses. If you were a Network Engineer, sure, IP Addresses are very important. But for you, no. Don't worry about 'em. Let US worry about IP Addresses, and you can stick to worrying about email and your patients. OK?
	OK.
	You need to have 5 things. Your email address, username, password, and the incoming and outgoing mail servers. And that should be ALL you need to get connected to us. And here's that information now.
	OK! Well... THANKS!
	You're welcome, sir.
[HANGS UP]
	DERKA DERKA DERKA!

---

X-posted

Comments

[2percentright.livejournal.com]

NOW WITH PICTURES!

awesome. It almost sounds like he started to realize he just needed to answer questions and let you do your thing there towards the end.

[ptomblin-lj.livejournal.com]

That sounds remarkably calm and clued for a doctor.

[talonvaki.livejournal.com]

This is the best stupid customer post I have ever read.

[darkmattr.livejournal.com]

I had a dsl installer actually ask me the same thing for a dial up backup system so...

[spaz-own-joo.livejournal.com]

Your customer is dumb, but sweetly deferent to your expertise.

Which in my books, is 100x better than someone with a little skill and an unwillingness to listen.

[hiroe.livejournal.com]

I don't have anything useful to say, aside from HICKORY SMOKED HORSE BUTTHOLES!

[docskurlock.livejournal.com]

I am here to put you on notice. I have filed a patent for the term derka derka derka. You need to put a copyright tag on that and pay me the sum of eleventy billion quadjillion simoleans or I will be forced to sue you for everything you don't have.


JK. This guy is stupid. I would need a cluebat for him, I think.

[jjjiii]

Why would a doctor constrain himself to a 20 year old Mac?

[synesthesiatic.livejournal.com]

Ha, very nice.

[attackgypsy.livejournal.com]

Friend of ours worked for my wife's neurosurgeon. Now, this guy was one f the best neurosurgeons in the country.

She had to drive him down to renew his driver's license.

Because he had been pulled over so many times for failing to renew it, his last judge seized it and told him point blank "You get your license back when you renew it. Otherwise, you can't drive, or you got to jail."

This was over a six month period. He had to take the test over again. He failed twice.

[red-scully.livejournal.com]

$COMPUTER_YOU_EXCAVATED_FROM_A_CAVE

This totally made my evening. Thank you for the lols!