Adventures with Windows Vista Bootloader

[spooforbrains.livejournal.com]

I wish to share a sweary early morning rant I decided to title

AAAAAAUUUUUUGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

I'm sorting out a laptop. Initial problem: cannot access any websites via HTTP. Can resolve hostnames. Can ping. IM, email and so on work fine. Just HTTP. Simple problem, surely?

I notice Windows Update has queued up SP1 for installation. I've known Windows exhibit extreme networking weirdness when there's an update it wants you to install and you haven't. Fuck knows why, but my other Windows laptop does this semi-frequently (or it did, until I got cross and disabled autoupdate the other day).

The update starts to install, then reboots to do the second stage. And fails. Badly.

No problem, right? Just boot from the handily included utility partition and run system restore. Vista makes a restore point before installing SP1. Piece of piss.

System Restore fails. In such a spectacular way that the machine now not only fails to boot, but fails to exhibit any sort of bootloader behaviour at all.

So, I boot from a Vista recovery disk. Follow the mildly complicated (but not for a hardened *nix nerd such as myself) process to restore the bootloader that has clearly become corrupted.

This also fails.

Now I'm running the slowest chkdsk IN THE WORLD. It's been running for an hour. AN HOUR.

And that's sugarcoating the HELL that I have been subjected through over the last six hours. SIX HOURS.

Of course, the machine is now in significantly worse condition than it was when I got it, so I can't just hand it back. I have to fix it now, or at least return it to an approximation of its previous state.

And NONE of this crap is down to any form of idiocy on my part. I'll hold my hands up to idiocy. I've perpetrated some excellent examples of the art. But not this time. Oh no, this crap is all down to Microsoft. All of these problems I have encountered have a very large number of Google hits, consisting mainly of people like myself suffering the same fresh hell. What they DON'T consist of are any sensible fixes from Microsoft, because Microsoft haven't fixed them! The SP1 fucking up issue has been a known issue for ages, and yet yay, it's still happening.

And why am I even doing this in the first place? BECAUSE I'M A TWAT. That's why.

Edited to add: You evil cunt machine, WHY, when I use diskpart to mark the boot partition as active, DOES IT NOT STAY ACTIVE? What the FUCK are you PLAYING AT? If the boot partition is not marked as ACTIVE, I can't fix the BCD. If I can't fix the BCD, THIS MACHINE WILL NOT BOOT. WHAT. THE. FUCK?!

Further edited to add: OK, so the last ETA was a 3am problem - I was mistaking the meaning of the asterisk in diskpart (which IIRC in fdisk would indicate a bootable flag). It merely denotes the currently selected partition. Marble of story: read documentation more thoroughly.

post-mortem: Even marking the partition as active didn't allow the bcd commands to run, contrary to everything I read on multiple forum posts. So I've got clearance from the owner to blank the fucker and install Windows 7 instead.

20-20 hindsight edit: Yes, I realise I should have taken an image of the disk before starting. Lesson learned.

Comments

[fenrirvallin.livejournal.com]

Nothing like trying to run a simple update to fool you into thinking you don't need to make a disc image first...

[ptomblin-lj.livejournal.com]

Just ask the employees of Danger.

[rev-thumper.livejournal.com]

You mean the employees of Microsoft, don't you?

[ptomblin-lj.livejournal.com]

I said "Danger" because it was the Danger employees who had to suffer because of the decision of the Microsoft manager who told them to go ahead without a backup, and because I seriously doubt that anybody at Microsoft learned anything from the experience.

[rev-thumper.livejournal.com]

Fair point.

[fixerkitty.livejournal.com]

Indeed. We all make mistakes, so don't feel too bad. Just don't do it again. ;)

May these brighten your day:




^This is a personal favourite.

[wolfhound668.livejournal.com]

Oooo, raspberry wine. That sounds soooooo good. I'll have to check the Korean mart across the street and see if they have it.

[fixerkitty.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it's yummy. I get mine from the Asian grocery near my house, but the local Korean grocery sells it too, so there's a good chance your shop has it.

Each bottle is about 2 standard glasses. Not too much, not too little. ;)

[tregare.livejournal.com]

hmmm, this sounds good. have to see if the local asian groceries around here have it.

[taiki.livejournal.com]

this is vista.

larger firepower is needed

[fixerkitty.livejournal.com]

Mmm...true. XD

Although I don't know what her alcohol tolerance is--the ideal situation is to be sedated, not poisoned.

[taiki.livejournal.com]

Don't play with fire if you don't want to get burned.

Don't support Vista if you don't want to have alcohol poisoning or cirrhosis of the liver.

[spooforbrains.livejournal.com]

*his

and I think I'd just need to be in the same room as that bottle to get alcohol poisoning :)

[cthulu-for-pm.livejournal.com]

I like the "Distilled from 100% selected grains".

As opposed to what? Random grains that just happened to be passing by? Floor sweepings?

(I am easily amused, I will admit.)

[spooforbrains.livejournal.com]

Thank you, they look suitably day-brightening to me!

[politas.livejournal.com]

Only an hour for chkdsk? Hah. I've had chkdsks left to run overnight and still not completed. That was back in the days of NT 4.0

[spooforbrains.livejournal.com]

It was less than half way through, unfortunately.

[jokergirl.livejournal.com]

*passes the bottle*

[lunatic59.livejournal.com]

*holds out VERY BIG glass*

[jokergirl.livejournal.com]

I tend to forgo such dainty things as glasses, myself.
Bottoms up!

;)

[major-error.livejournal.com]

...unless the glass is a standard German bier stein.
1L, fill 'er up!
(but wait, I have 2!)

By the time it seems like you're drinking from a vase, it usually doesn't matter ;)

[spooforbrains.livejournal.com]

Ta very much!

[amynnah.livejournal.com]

/passes the bottle of rum