Bitchslap-over-voice

[lordstorm.livejournal.com]

Quite a few people from my team, rather bored and frustrated from the amount of stupidity from our customers one evening, hit upon a new Internet standard: bitchslap-over-voice protocol (BoVP).

Imagine: a clueless customer who can't understand what you're trying to tell them, you could just hit a button on your console or your telephone, and a virtual hand will rise out of the telephone and give them an encouraging slap to the face!

Example:
Me: "Is your Start Menu one or two columns wide?"
Them: "Er, two."
Me: "Okay, so halfway down the second column, you see Connect to......."
Them: "I can't find it, it's not there."
Me: "Keep looking, it should be there."
Them: *annoyed* "It's not there, okay?"
Me: "Read out the icons for me please?"
Them: *more annoyed* "My Documents, My Recent Documents, My Music, My Computer, My Network Places, Control Panel, Connect to.....oh."
Me: *mutter* "BoVP"

I wonder if the RFC board would consider it? :)

Comments

[c0c0c0.livejournal.com]

I say go for it!!@

[rhonan.livejournal.com]

That's actually a function on UNIX systems called lart (http://www.bofh.net/man/lart.1m.html).

[japester.livejournal.com]

when I used to bob for an ISP, one of our guys game up with the Starcraft zergling lart.
He wrote a good page of stuff which I am saddened to say disappeared one day with one of my hard drives, about using GPS coordinates and a bunch of zerglings to go and devour the really annoying clients. It was very satisfying.

three times a day

[tjernobyl.livejournal.com]

"Ok, go to Network And Internet Connections"
"Ok..."
"Now, go to Network Connections."
"It's not there. Connect to? Network Setup Wizard? Setup a connection at your offi..."
"Network Connections."
"It's not there! Waah! Connect to? Network Setup Wizard? Setup a connection at your offi..."
"Do you see Internet Options?"
"Yes..."
"Next to that."
"Oh."

[manna]

I seriously worry about the eyesight of the people I work with, because I have developed a reputation as some kind of miracle worker who can find anything.

"I can't find this chemical/this plasticwear/a new battery for the pipettor/more coverslips/the instruction book for the labeller/a new timer/more pens/the blotting equipment/pipette tips/any other goddamn thing in the lab."

"Have you looked in the drawer/cupboard/shelf where it's usually kept?

"Yes! It isn't there!"

{goes to appropriate place}

{looks}

{points to item}

{leaves, muttering to self}


So, either they're all blind, or possibly I'm warping time and space with my very presence in order to spontaneously generate matter. In which case, I want a pay rise.