[identity profile] ofstarstuff.livejournal.com posting in [community profile] techrecovery
I haven't had such a special snowflake in a while.

I work in $ISP's tech support call center team, second tier, router support. A customer calls with a Netgear router, proclaiming himself to be the client's technician. Script format ahoy!

Cast:
Me: *waves*
EJ: Entitled jerk

EJ: I want a new password for my internet access and to my router.
Me: Sir, I can provide you with a new password for your internet, but the router password is set on the router itself by the customer. We cannot change it in our system. Also, you have a Netgear router, which our service does not provide. I have no information on how to set up your equipment, and if you do not either, I recommend you contact your provider or Netgear itself.
EJ: If I reset my router, it goes back to the default password, right?
Me: That should be so.
EJ: But I'm resetting it and the password isn't working!
Me: I'm sorry, sir, but I cannot help you there. I have no information on Netgear routers.
EJ: Do you know how to reset this router?
Me: Sir, I do not have that information. Please contact--
EJ: *suddenly indignant* You should know that every router is reset through pressing the reset button with a pointy object! Every one!
Me: *...facepalm* Sir, I--
EJ: *shout* Every last one!
Me: Sir, as I said, I do not have that information on Netgear equipment.
EJ: You know what, I get the feeling this router was bought from you guys. Let me check.
Me: *waits, taps foot*
EJ: *comes back to the call* Well, I think it was.
Me: We have never provided our customers with Netgear routers, sir.
EJ: And the default password is admin/admin, isn't it?
Me: *grinds teeth, keeps smiling voice* It depends on the equipment. I am very sorry that I cannot help you further, but you should really contact Netgear.
EJ: That's it! I'm going to cancel my account because you guys are always working so hard on being helpful!
Me: *o-kaaay...* I apologize, sir. Is there anything else I can be of assistance on?
EJ: *grumble, bitch, moan*
Me: Have a nice day, sir, thank you for calling!


Alright. So you know how to reset your equipment. When does that give you the right to become an entitled jerk? I actually know how to do it, but I don't have any obligation to tell you how to set up a Netgear router. My payment can be docked for doing it, and you're being a dick. I'm not putting my neck on the line for the likes of you.

Oh, and by the way? There are several routers that we provide that don't have a needle-reset button, dear sir.

At the moment of that call, I was the senior tech on the floor. You have no way of knowing that, sure, but if I say we have never provided Netgear equipment, why do you doubt me? Do you know best? Then hang up the phone and leave the poor overworked and underpaid techs alone.

As to the 'I'm canceling my account because you guys are not helping me' - come again? No shit, Sherlock. You're being an idiot, and you expect us to actually go out of our way to help you? Also, aren't you just the customer's tech?

I hope Netgear tells him the router is busted and makes him weep every last penny for a new router.


x-posted to [livejournal.com profile] customers_suck

Date: 2009-06-15 05:12 pm (UTC)
jecook: (Default)
From: [personal profile] jecook
"I'm going to cancel my account!"

should have a response of

"I'll transfer you to accounts, Please hold."

Every. Single. Time.

Seriously. If the dumbasses threaten to leave, then they were a dick customer in the first place, and y'all should not have to deal with them.

Date: 2009-06-15 05:37 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] darkmattr.livejournal.com
*let me get you to billing* / Hold / Transfer

Date: 2009-06-15 07:59 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] brothersterno.livejournal.com
yeah, the answer "OK, how about you put the customer on the line to cancel" usually shuts those guys up, because then you explain to their boss exactly what they did, and what it means when I cancel their account, and they are usually polite ever after.

There was one guy who we had to have a long talk with his boss. Then he never called again, because he didn't work there anymore.

Date: 2009-06-15 09:38 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] toxico.livejournal.com
"You should know that every router is reset through pressing the reset button with a pointy object!"

"Have you tried inserting your penis, sir?"

Date: 2009-06-15 10:13 pm (UTC)
ext_130371: (itcrowd)
From: [identity profile] ravenofdreams.livejournal.com
YOU WIN.
So much. So very, very much. Oh lordy. I will never be able to not-snicker.

Date: 2009-06-16 02:47 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hisamishness.livejournal.com
As I read this I was thinking "I'm sorry sir, but my Cisco 2600 series has no holes in it the size of your penis"...


Oh My...

Barkeep!
Fetch this man a bucket of WIN!

Date: 2009-06-16 03:54 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] toxico.livejournal.com
The bad part here is that as I read your response, I was turning to my wife to say I was going to bed and for some reason thought "Ctrl-Alt-Mushroom Stamp" was the funniest fucking phrase evar.

She's gone to wash tea off her face, and I'm going to the couch to sleep now.

I'm not entirely sure that wasn't worth it.

Date: 2009-06-16 10:44 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hisamishness.livejournal.com
I have no idea what that means, but I've been chuckling for five minutes.

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