*sigh*

[taleya.livejournal.com]

When a customer throws themselves on their back, drums their little heels on the ground and tantrums that I haven't given them any information on the software operating environment (not physical) on their linux server *after* I've directly linked them to the phpinfo on said server...

...that's the point I should be allowed to shoot them in the face.

Comments

[salavora.livejournal.com]

lol!

Some people just can't seem to grasp the idea, that you won't physicly go the them, into their office, point at their screen and show them the info (or bring hardcopy of it to show them -_-)

Or that there might even be things called info or manual and that you might get *gasp* info there...
As opposed to getting an email, where the information is copy pasted into.

[taleya.livejournal.com]

I was very very tempted to C&P them the entire PHP info. In size 70 font. Bright pink. With a space llama background.

Instead I chose the politely sarcastic route. In the end it's much more fun.

(As you can see from the file linked previously, the PHP version is blah blah and the loaded modules are blah blah blah...)

[salavora.livejournal.com]

*gggggggggggggggggggggg*
If you did all this via e-mail I would save the conversation and if they start to bitch about you to the higher ups (s/he did not give me the info I wanted!!), you have something to sent those higher ups...
Just in case ^^

And I would have loved to see the customers face, if you would have C&Ped them the info this way *g*

[japester.livejournal.com]

and using the blink tag ....

[trixtah.livejournal.com]

Extra points if you give a precis of the functionality of each of the modules and their dependencies.

My favourite technique for when users demand evidence of a successful email transaction, is to provide about 10 pages of logs, untranslated. Fun fun!

[preserver3.livejournal.com]

cat a few major directories into an email, or better yet, do a wget on the phpinfo page, drop it in an email or type mail douchebag@dochebag.com < phpinfo.html (after wget on the page)

a few seconds of your time to give them all of the crap they could care to parse.

[taleya.livejournal.com]

cat a few major directories into an email

:D Why stop there? Cat the entire damned directory structure, pipe it to a txt file and email it.

[alchemon.livejournal.com]

Don't forget to convert it to doc or pdf first before sending it to them! ;)

PS: Boo!

[taleya.livejournal.com]

Boo yourself :P

mm. Something nice and unconvertable and unsearchable methinks. In a RAR file. People always tend to shit at rar files :D

[alchemon.livejournal.com]

I like the idea of converting it to a graphics format, damage the graphics with some sort of noise (like a number of vertical blank lines ALL the way thru and other general noise - like a stuffed scanner!), then embed it in a pdf (image so no searching) and then rar that!

Inconvertible (unless you turn it back into graphics, which is useless anyway, and OCR on it will probably be useless) and unsearchable!

[taleya.livejournal.com]

:D

Image damage + fax

God I'm bastard

[alchemon.livejournal.com]

I didn't think you had the right equipment for that.

*hides*

:P

Actually, to be fair here, we can both be bastards. Which is of course why we're reading techsupport. :D

[soruk.livejournal.com]

Optar (http://ronja.twibright.com/optar/) - something completely unsearchable. I'm sure you folks can come up with something utterly Byzantine to do with this ^_^

[alchemon.livejournal.com]

Someone has way too much time on their hands. I approve!