Dear Customer

[awarrenfells.livejournal.com]

Oh please, for the love of God, please tell me where in the world you get the idea when it says that the application has failed to load or initialize that you get the bright idea that your internet must be down.

Internet != Application.

IE == Application. 

You == Fail.

Here's your clue by four.

Your local Tech support representative.

Comments

[donnaidh-sidhe.livejournal.com]

"My computer isn't working." Translation after troubleshooting: "I forgot my password for my e-mail account."

[awarrenfells.livejournal.com]

I also love: "I can't log on to the internet," which translates into "I forgot my windows password." O_o

[mouse-from-marz.livejournal.com]

"I can't log on to the internet" in my house means one of two things - either "I can't log onto Windows because there are numbers in my password and my numberlock is turned off" or "The Yahoo server is down so I can't get my email"... oh! also it can mean "Friendfinder (my dating service) crappy website is down or running really slow."

(to be fair, this is a home situation, so he's allowed to do whatever he wants... I just get annoyed having to vet issues regarding his crappy choice of websites)

[mattcaron.livejournal.com]

Hey, at least it's not goatse or meatspin.

[mouse-from-marz.livejournal.com]

meatspin??? ok, I know about goatse and 2g1c, but this I haven't seen.... do I dare?

oh, and yeah, at least it isn't that; but one day I had to log into the main PC (boyfriend's PC is the one with hardline to modem and router) to deal with the router and he had up a website for custom jewelry - nipple/labia/penis/and even anal gems! Oooh, sparkly!

[mattcaron.livejournal.com]

Meatspin is probably more amusing than really vile.

As far as the other bits go, I'm rather fond of The Stockroom (http://www.stockroom.com/).

[boredmder.livejournal.com]

You are awesome, if only for the correct use of the comparison operator vs assignment.

People never understand why I do '=='...

[awarrenfells.livejournal.com]

LOL. Thanks. I actually use it in my troubleshooting notes, and don't realize it half the time XD

[mattcaron.livejournal.com]

I was actually spoken to for using "tech talk" when communicating with our specifications group. I think I used the shorthand of "!thingy and age < 30", and use of ! and < was "tech talk" and I should refrain from using them in communications with anyone outside of tech.

[lihan161051.livejournal.com]

I always love (in the most sarcastic sense possible) things like "I can't get on the Internet, but I can get email." (If you can get email, you are *by definition* on the Internet. Here, have a Venn diagram.)

Especially if it's the site they're trying to get to that's down. That's always a fun call. Especially when they TELL YOU that other sites come up just fine.

And then there's this (http://thewebsiteisdown.com/) ..

[awarrenfells.livejournal.com]

THIS! Yes, I have seen that and it is so full of win. ^_^

[kerberos.livejournal.com]

Well could be worse. I had a client once whose recordsclerk saw the "One device or driver failed to start" on the NT screen so he "Inserted the NT cd to verify the installation".

The server lived but all the customers pc driven cash registers did not since they needed specific mappings in the system to work like

g: = c:\program files\cashprogram\blaha\something\something\register.exe

and so on. Took me darn near 3 hours to find and fix the damned thing.

Oh well atleast I billed'em for the full 3 hours.