No, your PC really is offline.

[emsporter.livejournal.com]

Phone rings, I answer. Big mistake.

User requests to speak to Coworker (male), or someone who knows about computers. I explain Coworker is absent today, and that I can help. User declines my help, asks to speak to another (also male) colleague instead. OtherColleague is also magically unavailable. User requests someone who knows about computers. I repeat that I can indeed help, despite possessing breasts instead of testicles.

User says his PC is telling him his roaming profile cannot be found, and Windows is logging him on with a temporary profile.

I ping the PC, and do a few other things to confirm that yes, this PC is offline. Reboot, check cables are correctly seated, according to the user, blahblahblah test stuff, and I send out a ticket for OnsiteTech to investigate, having concluded to my own satisfaction that nothing was bringing this PC onto the network from my (250km away) vantage point.

User clearly does not believe that his PC has no network, despite the fact shared drives, email, network profile, &c are all unavailable. It takes a five minute argument to get him to CHECK the damn cables. User apparently believes that the PC would not boot if the network was not present. (User appears to have head buried in backside.)

Half an hour passes.

User calls again, and gets my colleague on the line. My (very new) colleague patiently explains that no, $Program will not work without a network connection. Colleague investigates ticket database, explains that I have already logged a ticket with OnsiteTech to check hardware. User hangs up on Colleague mid-sentence.

Half an hour passes.

BigBoss calls (about three levels up the hierarchy from User). BigBoss has been speaking directly with $ProgramSupportTeam, who explain patiently but less politely that $Program does not work without a network connection, and that perhaps onsite support should investigate this. BigBoss is most grumpy, and demands to know why tech support did not diagnose the lack of network connectivity in the first phonecall, an hour previous.

I am currently the second-longest-serving technician in my helpdesk. I explain, with references to the previous ticket logged, that User is thick, and refused to believe that I could diagnose a network fault via the ping, lack of profile, email, etc, as aforementioned. I also point out that NewbieColleague explained this too. I refrain from suggesting that User is a sexist twat; however, BigBoss is not stupid, and can read between the lines.

BigBoss promises to rip User a new asshole, and goes to ring OnsiteTech to ask for an ETA.

We like BigBoss.

Comments

[emerald-embers.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

I've yet to run into any asshattery of those proportions, but once in a while it does get a little annoying when someone decides to begin their explanation of how it can't POSSIBLY be their computer that's at fault, it MUST be our network, with "Listen, sweetheart...".

I like BigBoss too ^^.

[trixtah.livejournal.com]

It's quite a strange phenomenon- whenever anyone did the "Listen honey" thing to me, the line would suddenly go dead. Wow, phone systems can be so unreliable, can't they?

Yay BigBoss.

Maybe a nice rocket up the arse would help Asshattery Syndrome.

[emerald-embers.livejournal.com]

I think I'd honestly prefer a customer saying "Listen, dipstick" or "Listen, I think you're being an idiot because...", because at least it's not patronising!

Maybe a nice rocket up the arse would help Asshattery Syndrome.

I thought that was the preferred prescription? ;)

[jecook]

rocket up the arse

I think the adult store I was in last night sells those.

*runs far away*

[lillyflowers.livejournal.com]

From a purely tactical POV, that works much better and is more defensible if it happens while you're talking. Because really, who hangs up on themselves, 'eh?

[museology.livejournal.com]

Oh, "Listen, sweetheart.." I hear that so often that I might as well get it tattooed on my forehead.

[emerald-embers.livejournal.com]

And variations thereof! "Listen, honey", "Listen, darling" etc.

I don't mind "Listen, love," because I'm in the northwest of England and pretty much everyone is 'love' or 'babe', male or female, young or old, so it doesn't bother me. But the pet names do.

It's the fact it's not just patronising, it's so entitled - so "I'm paying for your help so I can call you whatever I like dearie".

Yuck! :)

[museology.livejournal.com]

Whenever I hear "Listen, honey," it's in such a RUDE tone that I want to slap the person speaking. "Listen, darlin'" is more common here (I'm in Texas, land of pseudo-cowboys that have rarely been within 20 yards of an actual cow) and it's said by sexist wackos that think all you need for email is a monitor.

[medusa-nw.livejournal.com]

I like your BigBoss too!

[trayce.livejournal.com]

I get so disheartened when I still read stories here from female techs who are dismissed for their apparent lack of testicles...er I mean knowledge.

Good on your boss for listening to the full backstory and supporting it. I've seen other bosses with much less clue.

[random-c.livejournal.com]

Just NEVER deal with the far east.

[trayce.livejournal.com]

I've dealt with the middle east - and I do NOT want to stereotype at all here but I am sad to say I dealt with more than a few gentlemen in dubai and iraq who refused to have a bar of me being female :/ I learnt to be a blunt bitch and I got respect in the end.

[gholam.livejournal.com]

On behalf on Israel, I can vouch that not all of middle east is like that :P

[random-c.livejournal.com]

I got fed up with them and turned up in drag. They behaved after that. Now they know me all is fine... unless I get a new guy.

[devjannz.livejournal.com]

I am always amazed when people call a help desk or support line for assistance but assume that they know more than the tech they are calling, but I am especially amazed when some of those people assume that female techs are somehow inferior to male techs. Just another example of ignorant males thinking that you must have a penis to be able to fix something. People like that make me want to reach through the phone line and smack them about the head repeatedly, as well as making me feel bad for being male myself. (I have always had more female than male friends, so I learned my lessons long ago, to not assume anything about women).

Glad to hear that your boss was able to take in the facts and support you in how you did things. :)

[reyvin.livejournal.com]

I am always amazed when people call a help desk or support line for assistance but assume that they know more than the tech they are calling


Thank you! Exactly. I mean...if YOU already know all the answers, wtf are you calling ME for?! I used to get that all the time.

User: "this is what it is doing or not doing"
Me: "this is what I think the problem is"
User: "oh I don't think it's that"
Me: "oh really. And in your oh so expert opinion, please do tell...what DO you think it is? And what steps will you take to resolve it?"

Gah.

[kathygnome.livejournal.com]

Gods people are thick. I spent an hour once with a vendor on site before he realized I was the tech person and not their secretary.

[jecook]

O.o

That's usually someone one picks up within pico-seconds during a face to face meeting...

[random-c.livejournal.com]

I find steel toecap boots and a glare that cuts crystal makes it pretty clear I'm a tech...

[kathygnome.livejournal.com]

FFS I had a polo shirt on! Wasn't that enough!

[random-c.livejournal.com]

People are dense.

[luminousx.livejournal.com]

That's a good BigBoss. BigBosses who know they are supposed to lay the mean down on the Users so we front line phone support can remain pleasant and helpful are worth their weight in stuff.

[reyvin.livejournal.com]

Cheers to BigBoss. Not all BigBosses are so astute.

Jeers to sexist dickwad.