Dear Mr. Property Appraiser Guy..

[darkrose.livejournal.com]

Although I'm sure when you gruffly proclaim that you are a super-uber-awesome property appraiser guy from California it's a hit with the chicks, it doesn't work with me. Being a super-uber-awesome property appraiser guy from California does not excuse you from following our support policy.

No, you can't talk to my supervisor. Mostly because I don't have one.
No you can't talk to the only person above ME (the president of the company)..
Yes, I have full authority to tell you to open a ticket on our web site. Because that's what you're supposed to do for non-contracted support. Just like the message told you.
Sure, I'll help you. Standard support starts at $100 per incident. Since you're a jerk, I will charge you premium support. That starts at $300/hr minimum of 2 hours.
No, the answer won't change if you ask me 4 times in slightly different words and context.
No, you can't have a refund for a 2 year old product.
No, I really don't need to "hear [you] out" before telling you to do what the support message told you to do anyway.
Saying you're "not a computer guy" doesn't change anything of the above.

Comments

[reyvin.livejournal.com]

But...but...I'm very important! And not good with combobulators. Tho I can surf the innerwebs. Doesn't that grant me some kind of special privilege? I shouldn't have to follow the same rules as everyone else. Come on....

/sarcasm

[ptstech.livejournal.com]

YU R NOT A SPESHUL SNOFLAK.

[wignersfriend.livejournal.com]

An appraiser? From California?

You should've just laughed and hung up.

[syberghost.livejournal.com]

"So, you mean your job is to look at houses, check off the appropriate boxes on a form, then add up the numbers after the boxes and sign off that you didn't lie? Well why didn't you say so, sir; we have a special support line for people with your level of importance to society".

(Places call on hold, leaves for lunch/vacation/retirement)