fuck you in the goat ass, microsoft

[jimbojones.livejournal.com]

So I'm doing a major hardware upgrade for a customer. They've got a box with a single-core processor, they want a dual-core processor; they're gonna need a new motherboard to go with it since they're going from the older 939 socket to AM2. No big.

Change the hardware, reinstall Windows XP Pro, and of course it doesn't want to activate over the internet. No big; you call the number, you give the computer on the other end of the phone a bunch of numbers, it gives you a bunch of numbers, life is good. Done it a jillion times. Give the machine my numbers. It says "this product has been activated before, I'm going to have to ask you some questions." Well, this is a change; last time I did this they forwarded me from the machine-lady to a call-center-in-India-lady; but okay. How many machines is this copy of Windows installed on? "One." Is this the first time you've activated this copy of Windows? "No." Has there been a major hardware change since the last time you activated this copy of Windows? "Yes." Have you replaced the motherboard in this machine since you last activated this copy of Windows? "Yes." Was the motherboard defective? "No."

I'm sorry, I cannot activate your copy of Windows. When you purchased Windows, you were subject to certain licensing restrictions which you are not in accordance with; please contact your vendor to purchase a new copy of Windows.

Are you fucking SHITTING me? Well, fine goddammit, this is some serious bullshit highway robbery given that a new copy of Windows costs literally every PENNY as much as the new hardware does; but it's not like it's my money. Call the customer, explain that Microsoft would like to insert penis in their ass, get their approval to guide Microsoft's cock all the way in (aka spend $150 on a completely bullshit new copy of Windows), buy new copy of Windows, click "Change Product Key", put in new Product Key from new copy of Windows. Internet Activation Successful.

Install Windows Update from the website. It wants to reboot. Okay. Computer reboots. "This copy of Windows will need to be activated before you can log on." What the FUCK? You already activated! Well, okay, fine. "This copy of Windows has already been activated." No shit, sherlock. AND IT LOGS ME BACK OUT. Click the username to log on again... "This copy of Windows will need to be activated before you can log on." ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS. Endless loop. No, rebooting doesn't help.

So, now, I am reinstalling Windows from fucking scratch again on this goddamn machine, three hours of my life down the goddamn drain. Fuck you, Microsoft, I was one of your staunchest advocates from the mid-nineties through the early 2000s, but at this point I cannot wait for you to die in a goddamn fire. Nothing but people's dependence on third-party software you did not develop is mooring anyone to your DRM-riddled crapware platform anymore, and it will fucking please me IMMENSELY watching more and more people realize this and get the hell rid of you like I did in my own house.

Comments

[insaint.livejournal.com]

I'm dreading reinstalling my copy of XP when I get my next computer (since it will either come with Vista if I just buy pre-built or will have nothing on it if I build it myself).

I intend to just lie and say that parts used in the original installation were defective and have been replaced, though.

[syberghost.livejournal.com]

The part was defective; it had Windows installed on it. You not only get to feel good that you didn't lie, but you get to feel all superior about Microsoft's near-monopoly on epic fail.

[compwizrd.livejournal.com]

If that's an OEM copy of windows, then yeah, the license agreement is that the OEM copy marries the hardware, and the hardware can't be changed. Microsoft doesn't believe in Divorce on OEM, and only lets you upgrade your spouse a few times, you can't swap for a different younger model.

And if you bought another OEM copy, that still violates the license agreement, as the OEM copy can only be bought with hardware anyways.

I ran into having to reactivate once because i installed a driver for a hard drive controller... that's how brain dead their scheme is.

[taleya.livejournal.com]

OT, but HA!

I am NOT the only one who uses the phrase "Fuck you/me/she/he/it in the goat ass"

HA! SUCK IT, HATERS!

//...who am I kidding...I can't even bite through the fuckin' rope....

[sdaemon.livejournal.com]

:D little-known Adam Sandler routines ftw?

In addition to goat-ass, I also use:

Fuck me running!

Fuck me sideways!

Fuck $TARGET with a Big Brass Dick!

These can all be combined, sometimes to great effect, as in:

"Fuck me running up the goat ass with a Big Brass Dick!"

:P

[missysedai.livejournal.com]

Was the motherboard defective? "No."

The answer to this question is always "Yes". Even if it's actually "No", the answer is always "Yes".

[http://users.livejournal.com/hub_/]

Microsoft is not the answer. Microsoft is the question, and the answer is No.

[ximinez]

If someone asks you if you're a god, you say "Yes"!

[trixtah.livejournal.com]

Yep. ALWAYS.

[sdaemon.livejournal.com]

I started drinking the Mac OSX kool-aid last month. I figured I'd give it a fair shot, either wind up hating it and having very solid reasons for hating it, or I'd figure out how to use it and maybe actually like it.

So far, I actually kinda like it. Some things are obnoxious (like so far I can only open the CDROM drive by going into iTunes) but minor for the most part. And some things don't actually seem to be possible, like updating 3d graphics card drivers...wtf, are they built into the OS or something?

Application availability seems to be the biggest drawback to any platform shift. OBVIOUSLY EVERYTHING NEEDS TO BE WRITTEN IN JAVA!

[/lol]

write once, debug everywhere :D

[jimbojones.livejournal.com]

I'm not a fan of OSX. I've been FreeBSD on the server side for years and years and years; just switched to Ubuntu Linux on the desktop side on my own machines a few weeks ago. Haven't regretted it once.

[squigit.livejournal.com]

Hold F12 for a couple seconds.

[goatavatar.livejournal.com]

roflmao, DONT TELL THEM you changed the motherboard, of COURSE you lie to them. lesson learned.

[darkrose.livejournal.com]

I've never had any problems activating my copy of Slackware...

[jimbojones.livejournal.com]

Preaching to the choir - I'm running Ubuntu on my personal desktops and I've been pitching FreeBSD on the server side for I dunno how long.

[nem0.livejournal.com]

That happened to my dad's MacBook when we tried to do Boot Camp. He's got a retail license of XP Pro, but it refused to activate over the web. I did the phone call thing, got it running, and a week later it started into the ACTIVATE ME? -> I'M ALREADY ACTIVATED, YOU CAN'T ACTIVATE ME AGAIN -> ACTIVATE ME? infinite loop. I even tried loading XP from scratch and running a no-activation crack, and the same thing happened. Bastard's cursed or something.

Fortunately, Dad only needed Windows for a very specific piece of grade book software that, it turns out, has a very nice OS X port. Nuked Boot Camp, loaded Mac software, problem solved.

[geekgrrl-ca.livejournal.com]

I hate supporting vista even more than using it and using it is a chore.

[wolfger.livejournal.com]

Hell, I dumped Microsoft's ass on the floor the day I first bought XP. "What do you mean I just paid $200 for software I can only install on one of my two computers???" Been enjoying a Windows-free Linux existence since then. I only know Vista sucks by hearing others complain, and that makes me no end of happy.

[superbus.livejournal.com]

You think it's bad now? Wait until Windows goes modular (http://arstechnica.com/news.ars/post/20080323-evidence-mounting-windows-7-going-modular-subscription.html) like they're talking about on /. now.

[siliconshaman.livejournal.com]

wanna bet that'll mean we have to activate, Every Damn One of the modules?!

[glitteringlynx.livejournal.com]

Was the copy of Windows an OEM version that had come with a box computer? Some copies are very fussy about having all the hardware in place. If anything changes, it's a no go and you have to get a full version instead. :/

[cjkline83.livejournal.com]

The CORRECT responses to those questions are:

How many machines is this copy of Windows installed on? "One."

Is this the first time you've activated this copy of Windows? "Yes"

Has there been a major hardware change since the last time you activated this copy of Windows? "No."

"Verified! I will now read back to your activation ID."

[coyoteden.livejournal.com]

XP, right? The WPA/WGA updates for XP are buggy. Vista actually fixed a lot of those headaches.

FYI, if WPA ever pukes on you like that and refuses to recognize it has been activated, you can boot from a BartPE type disc, load the SYSTEM hive from the affected OS as HKLM\SYSTEM1, delete the keys under HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE\SYSTEM1\WPA

You'll have to re-key and reactivate, but it's a LOT quicker than a reinstall (which doesn't clear those keys, so you might STILL have problems)

and if you think MS's product activation is bad, you should see the stuff some flavors of UNIX does.

[jimbojones.livejournal.com]

I rarely touch commercial Unix, but yeah, HP/UX is a fucking abortion.

OSS ftw.

[digitalraven]

This is why I'm so very fucking glad that we're a volume customer.

Fuck you, activation.

[jjjiii]

Defective, in the sense that it will not run a multi-core processor? Why, yes it was!

[davetheinverted]

"This copy of Windows will need to be activated before you can log on." ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS. Endless loop.

If it's a brand-new key you're trying to use with a disc older than a few months, then it's probably the Service Pack 2c loop. (Sometime last year, MS ran out of XP keys, so they updated their OEM CDs to Service Pack 2c, which is exactly like Service Pack 2 except it has a larger keyspace. They also changed the design of the Product Key sticker.) Weirdly, the 2c keys will get past the "type in your Product Key" page on a 2 installation, but they will not activate. I spent three hours tearing my hair out over this one before trying the CD that came with the new copy...boom, worked perfectly.

Dav2.718

[jimbojones.livejournal.com]

Yup. That is exactly what the problem was (I got the damn thing installed, finally, yesterday). Good call.

[mcity.livejournal.com]

We're talking about people who can't even get Notepad right.