Email, keyboards and getting "hacked".

[phrogg.livejournal.com]

Just a couple snippets from conversations i had today with a few customers. I found them rather annoying at the time, but looking back, i just have to kind of chuckle...

Technical Support in Three Acts...

Act One: (Fellow is setting up Outlook for POP3 account, but can't send or recieve for some reason. We've verified that his password is correct.)
He: "I can't log into my email."
Me: "Okay, what are you using for a username?"
He: "[retard]."
Me: "And there's nothing after it?"
He: "Nope."
---SEVERAL MINUTES OF TROUBLESHOOTING LATER---
He: "It's still not working. There must be a problem with your server!"
Me: "I'm pretty sure there's not, as i'm able to log into it just fine. Could you retype your information again, just to be sure?"
He: (aloud, with each keystroke) "r..e..t...a-r-d...@...i-s-p...dot...w-t-f."
Me: I thought you said there was nothing after [retard]."
He: OH! ME THUNK YOU MENT AFTER TEH WHOLE EMAIL!"
[finally convinced him to put his username, not email address, in the username field. problem solved.]


Act Two: (Once in a while, i'm known to try to make things easier on my callers. Rest assured, i will reconsider this in the future.)
--Working with Telnet, guy is using Dialup, and can't test things until after he hangs up the phone. He's testing to see if ports are blocked by trying to Telnet via those ports.--
He: It's not working. I keep getting "Connect Failed."
Me: Right. It's going to say that, because you're not connected.
He: Oh, okay. Well, i don't want to have to re-type that whole thing.
Me: (whole thing? It's not even a whole line!) I've got good news then. If you press the "up" arrow on your keyboard, the last command should fill itself ba--...
He: ...keyboard?? I'm not sure i understand what you're talking about...keyboard...
Me: Yeah. That thing in front of you? With keys on it? That you type on? That thing.
He: OH! THAT! Okay, now what's this "arrow key" you're talking about?
Me: Okay, over toward the right on it, there should be four keys with arrows in different directions...
He: All the way over here? Guh...I never use these...i'll just have to retype it, i guess.
[click]


Act Three: (Fellow calls in with trouble regarding his internet access...)

He: I can't get on, because someone else is using my internet!
Me: Excuse me? Someone else is using it?
He: Yeh. Can't you kick him off so i can get on?
Me: Urr...no...are you using a wireless router, then?
He: NO, nothing like that, i'm plugged straight from the modem to my computer.
Me: Okay, so...why do you suspect someone else is stealing your connection, then?
He: It says so on my screen! Down in the corner, it says, "Bill is online." I don't know this "Bill" guy. Can't you kick him off?
Me: Uh...sir? I don't think he's on your connection...do you have any IM clients running?
He: I...M? What's that? Like email?
Me: ...kind of...Do you have a child?
He: Yeah, she's on here all the time...but she's not named Bill!
Me: I would ask her if she knows a Bill, and then ask her to turn off MSN for you. Have a good evening, and thanks for calling!

...This is NOT what i went to college for...

Comments

[samldanach.livejournal.com]

In Act Three, I seriously thought you were going to go into the Three Dead Trolls routine. "We have a 12:00 flasher here!"

[omg-teh-funnay.livejournal.com]

Ah, I have used that line before ;) Love it

I have, indeed, asked if there was a child in the house

[phrogg.livejournal.com]

I never thought i would be able to use that in real life. I've actually done it a few times, now, and i've actually solved problems that way.

[phrogg.livejournal.com]

I wanted to. Believe me, i wanted to. But alas, i had nobody to relay that information to, huddled in my cold, dark cubicle late at night.

[theemerged.livejournal.com]

RE: Act Two. Oh yeah, I've been there. I tell people when training that we get users we have to tell how to find keys on the keyboard for, especially the period key (due to the password complexity). They *always* think I'm kidding.

They often find out otherwise before the training ends.