Buahahahah! *Twitch* *Sob*

[the-hunter.livejournal.com]

19 minutes.
Not, in all, a long time in the life of a human.
However, when the 19 minutes is the time it takes for a desktop system to go from pressing the *Power* button to booting to Windows XP Desktop, it is an age!

4 Minutes 27s. About the time it takes me to boil and egg, put it on a plate and have the top off ready for dunking my toasty soldiers in it.
Also, the time it took form clicking on the *Start* button to the menu appearing.

*Twitch*

*Install AVG Free*

*Run AVG Free*

*Wait 1 hour 47 minutes*

*Virus scan 25% complete. Viruses detected:3,327*

*Twitch*

*Phone rings. *
"Hi, it is NotGoldFishGirl. Could you do me a favour while you're messing about with my machine?"

*Twitchtwitch!*

"Could you copy all my music files to cd please?"

*Looks*...106 Gig of music....

*Twitchtwitch*

"Only I just bought a laptop, and I want to sell that machine. Gotta be worth a hundred quid"
*Looks at 5 year old Packard Bell....Twitch Snort Buahahahahahah!*

*Hangs up*

*Starts Nero*

Nero, IIRC, should not take just under 19 minutes to start.....

*Twitch*

*Phone rings*

"Hi! NotGoldFishGirl, again. Could you do me a favour?"

*TWITCH*

"I installed AOL on my new laptop, and can't get it to work. Some words came up, and I can't get it to work"

Um...some words came up? What words?

"Oh, I don't know! I never read that rubbish. I just press OK! It was summat like This disk isn't suitable for Vista. Do you want to continue? So I said yes"

*TWITCHTWITCHTWITCH*

(This was the note found on the body of one Bowen T Hunter, who was found with his head in the gas oven, one hand on a fork pressed into an electrical socket, surrounded by empty pill bottles and hanging from a rope tied to a Packard bell machine that had been thrown out of the window onto the main road. Police suspect suicide)

Comments

[glitteringlynx.livejournal.com]

I completely understand. :(

Actually, my bf has a half-decent PC (it's a P4) and it takes his PC 10-15 minutes to finish booting. Why, you ask? Because he has like 30 things loading on boot. -_-

I tried to reduce them and he almost took my head off.

[jarad.livejournal.com]

The MD of my company is like that.

He insists of having a Sony Vaio laptop, despite everyone else having Dell's (for sales people, nice and cheap) or HP's (for engineers... need them serial ports!).

His latest machine is running Vista, at his insistence. He won't let us reinstall it with XP so it matches everyone else in the company (which causes it's own set of horrible problems unique to Vista, which he insists are server faults because any computer that he owns is perfect in every fashion and it couldn't possibly be a ... a.... VISTA BUG!)

He won't allow anyone to remove the 8 dozen free DVD/Music/CD writing programs that come with it.

He installs about 30-40 programs that run on startup, including at least 2 different virus scanners and 3 different anti-spyware programs (both free and paid for). I kid you not, his tray icons reach about two-thirds of the way across the screen.

After around 3-4 months of 20 minute boot-times and webpages that take upwards of a minute to load, he will begin incessently bitching that the servers are faulty/slow. Telling him he's the only person with a problem will be ignored. Eventually, he'll insist we order him the latest and greatest Sony Vaio and the cycle starts all over again.

[whammypower788.livejournal.com]

Then, see, what you do is you wipe the hard drive and install XP.

[glitteringlynx.livejournal.com]

o.O That's crazy!

Actually I have a friend I chat with on IRC who lives in the Bronx. A friend of hers is good w/ stocks and made himself a fortune so he has more money than he knows what to do with. So he buys a top of the line computer and starts using it. The moment he has a problem (even a minor one) he sells the PC to her and buys a new one. Meanwhile it could've just been a driver issue or something. So yeah, every few months or so she gets a brand new PC to play with, which she then sells for more than he sold to her for (he sells it ot her for like nothing) and that's how she makes her own money on the side.

[falnfenix]

one of our non-clinical workstations in one of our labs is like this, and they won't buy a new one. their grant money ran out ages ago, so they can't spend the cash on it.

i want to stab myself in the eye every time i work on it.

[ptomblin-lj.livejournal.com]

Which part of "No, I can't help you with that" are you having trouble with?

[laviededavid.livejournal.com]

thanks man i needed a good laugh today lol

[fenrirvallin.livejournal.com]

I hope you're getting paid well.

[the-hunter.livejournal.com]

*Twitch*
Buahaha..sorry? Paid?
This is the sister of a friend of mine.
Pay?
Buahahahah!
*Twitch*
And then, there's the whole thing about the music.
Yes, the 106 *gig* of music.
All direct copies of CDs.
Not, and I can not stress this enough, NOT MP3s, downloads, copies, rips, of friends cds.
These files are direct copies, in the original format, of the cds she has *on the shelves in her home*
She believes that having copied them to her computer, the cds are now *empty*, and to keep the music *safe*, she has to copy them back off the computer, and back on to cd.
Honestly. I kid you not.
*Twitch*

[mouse-from-marz.livejournal.com]

take the CDs from her, hide in a room with the computer, delete the files on the computer, then reappear with the now "restored" CDs. *manicgrin* "your music is back on the CD now! Enjoy!"

[mouser.livejournal.com]

Unless you are getting SEX (not "implied" but ACTUAL) then the answer is "NO, YOU DO NOT GET COPIES OF MUSIC YOU ALREADY HAVE"


There IS a reason I sprang for a terabyte drive recently.

[random-c.livejournal.com]

That bit's my job. And I am *not* encouraging him to help this woman.

[fallconsmate.livejournal.com]

stupidity should be painful. to the STUPID and not just to the ones it is inflicted upon!!!

my sympathies....

[erunamiryene.livejournal.com]

"I installed AOL on my new laptop, and can't get it to work. Some words came up, and I can't get it to work"
OMFG, that is priceless!

Compounded by "I never read that stuff" ... right about there I'd be like, "Oookay, we're done here." *click*

[ghostdandp.livejournal.com]

Sounds like it's time to load up BartPE, use the nero plugin to burn the CD/DVD of the music, rebuild the computer, and charge double for the time.

[the-hunter.livejournal.com]

See my reply ^ up there *twitch* re. music...

[mynameisnotreal.livejournal.com]

Those who are stupid enough to load AOL must suffer by being allowed to run AOL!

[xforge.livejournal.com]

:::passes the Scotch:::

[mouse-from-marz.livejournal.com]

everytime you *twitch* in that entry, I get the image in my mind of that squirrel in Ice Age with the facial tick.

(hopefully the thing with AOL is set to exit the program after user presses "ok" since it doesn't want to run on Vista - so no actual harm done there)

5 year old bell packard... ok... yeah, um.. doorstop? (or some high school nerds might fish it out of garbage for massive super-franken-computer project)

[random-c.livejournal.com]

Not in Coventry. They might set fire to it.

[mouse-from-marz.livejournal.com]

yike

[kenbrody.livejournal.com]

We once fished out a ~3-year-old HP Pavilion from the corner on bulk pick-up day, for our then 2-year-old son.

[kalifla.livejournal.com]

Holy shit.