Teh stupid, it burns.

[dragonbofh.livejournal.com]

Wow, there's a lot already today and it's not even half-way over yet:

1: User needs to connect to the wireless network; not a problem since the WAP we have is a bit toss and displays its encryption type as WPA when it's actually WEP (Yes I know, it's replacement is on order), The long and the short of this is that double-clicking on the network in the View Wireless Networks window will not connect you, the entry has to be set up before hand. The user didn't believe this and insisted that walking closer to the WAP would make it connect. Nice try but here, may I? *Clickety click* oh look it works now!

 

2: User comes to me panicking that the conference phone is missing from the meeting room; again not a problem, sometimes the boardroom tables are cleared out of the way when training courses are held there and the phone gets moved someplace nearby. I go down and take a look around, and after a few minutes find the phone. Thrown in a corner. In a completly different room. Broken. Thanks whoever did that, you ham-fisted twunts made my day!

 

3: I walk out of the meeting room having fixed up a phone only to have a guy standing outside who literally thrusts his mobile phone in my face and won't let me past. He says nothing, just holds his phone out at arm's length and stands there mute, smiling slightly. I look at him, he looks at me, and then soooo helpfully says "My phone". Yes, well done numb-nuts and what am I supposed to do with it? Anyway that turns out to be a guy I'd only seen once before and months ago. I've only spoken to him on the phone since then whilst I've been trying to sort out his email-to-phone problem, (which isn't really a problem, he's just been given the wrong service).
Why do people think I will remember them when I've only seen them once, months have passed and they make no effort to introduce themselves?

 

4: A user comes in and sets his laptop up on a desk across from me. A few minutes later he waves me over with a surly "I can't connect to the VPN". Well “Hello” to you too!
He tells me that he usually connects to the VPN from home or wherever he is so that he can connect to his computer in the main office. I tell him he A) Can't connect to the VPN through the company network (ain't firewalls fun) and B) he doesn't need to connect to the VPN because ZOMFG, he's already plugged in to the network directly. I feel script-style is best for this one:

User: I Need to connect to my desktop in $othersite
Me: Okay, well just connect to it then (he's done this countless times before)
User: *starts up VPN client*
Me: No, you don't need to do that you're already on the network *closes client window*
User: But this is how I connect
Me: No… what do you do to connect to your desktop once you're on the network?
User: I just start up a remote desktop session.
Me: Okay, so go ahead and connect to your computer.
User: *Starts up VPN client*
Me: You're already on the network you don't need to VPN in.
User: Are you sure?
Me: (no, not really. Maybe you should try the VPN again; it's bound to work after the 100th time!) Yeah, I'm sure.
User: But this is how I did it last time I was here.
Me: Then you probably connected to some other company's unsecured wireless network and got a direct internet connection. There are a lot of them around here.
User: No I'm sure I wa-
Me: (really getting impatient now) Just open a remote desktop connection now.
User: *goes quiet and finally does as I say*
Remote Desktop: $User! I MISSED YOU *Cuddle*
Me: There you go, magic isn't it!
User: Huh, it worked?
Me: *Dies a little inside*

 

Still plenty of work hours to go! Goodee!

I'm gonna go buy a clue-by-4 in my lunch hour.

Comments

[spooforbrains.livejournal.com]

Remote Desktop: $User! I MISSED YOU *Cuddle*

*snort*

I swear, in my previous consultancy roles, the in house servers used to hear me come in and go "DADDY! You're HOME!!!111one We missed you!! *crash* *hang* *halt*"

[alicephilippa.livejournal.com]

I think the servers here go "Yay! She's gone on holiday!!!!!1111!! *crash*"

[littleweeds]

My web server would go "Mommy? MOMMY?!? You're NOT MY MOMMY!!! *crash*" every time I took a vacation.

[ptstech.livejournal.com]

And then seek out everyone they can find. My icon ensues.

[phrogg.livejournal.com]

OMG! Nice!

[heinousbitca.livejournal.com]

Shit only goes down when i am nowhere near it and it's needed.

I at least once at my old job submitted a timesheet with 8 hours of overtime with an attached post-it with a calculation of how much OT every paycheck was costing them vs. how much it would cost to implement the remote reboot feature i wanted.

I made 8+ hours of OT due to this for 23 consecutive paychecks. This was orders of magnitude above the solution i proposed in cost. Not that my wallet minded...

[major-error.livejournal.com]

I look at him, he looks at me, and then soooo helpfully says "My phone".

Possible responses:
1) uh huh....that's nice.
2) Glad to see you've joined us in the 21st century.
3) Nope! My phone now *grab* *run*
4) are you sure you can handle all that technological power?!?
...

[canray.livejournal.com]

5) Fist.
6) That's right. You get a Silver Star. Aren't you a smart boy/girl/thing?

[argonel.livejournal.com]

7) Thank you, but I'm not allowed to accept Valentine's gifts from cow-orkers.
8) No thanks, I already have one.

[ravenofdreams.livejournal.com]

I *really* like 'nope- my phone now!' And now I will have that urge all damn day.

[xforge.livejournal.com]

"My phone."

"My taser!! KKZZZZZZZZKKKKKKTTTT!!!"

[ateji.livejournal.com]

9) *blank stare* *goes back to surfing the Internet*

Well, if you can't be mature about it... why should I? ^_^

[canray.livejournal.com]

Remote Desktop: $User! I MISSED YOU *Cuddle*

Poor neglected Remote Desktop.

[digitalraven]

User: Huh, it worked?

No. I'm controling your eyes with my mind powers. It's still not working. You pathetic soft-brained treebadger.

[mouse-from-marz.livejournal.com]

bwahahaha! "treebadger"!!!

[falnfenix]

I look at him, he looks at me, and then soooo helpfully says "My phone".

this is where you respond with something like "FISHSTICKS" - i mean, it IS word association, right?

[ptstech.livejournal.com]

You need an anvil, so you can go all Wile E. Coyote on them and stuff.

[ximinez]

Why do people think I will remember them when I've only seen them once, months have passed and they make no effort to introduce themselves?

Because they do remember people like that. Which is why they go into marketing or sales or some other "people-oriented" career. And that's fine. Great, even - it helps them do their job better, in theory.

The problem is when they assume the rest of the world can do it, too.

[jimbojones.livejournal.com]

I see where you're going with that, but it's crap: sales and marketing people rarely remember people all that well. They do tend to cultivate the ability to fake it gracefully much better than engineers, and the good ones also keep cardfiles with info to brush up on before meeting with somebody again.

[ximinez]

Fair point. Though, I have met HR people (and I should have mentioned HR as an example) in 500 employee companies that knew every single employee by name, on sight, even after meeting them once during orientation and seeing them again months later at a random event. So if they fake it, they fake it really well.

[mawz.livejournal.com]

Good HR people and top-flight salesdroids can do that (And also brush up before scheduled meetings just to be safe).. The run of the mill types just fake it at some level, some don't even do it as well as your average tech support guy.

[jimbojones.livejournal.com]

let me show you it

[phrogg.livejournal.com]

[trayce.livejournal.com]

Fantastic =)

[klfjoat.livejournal.com]

1) Hmmm. And WHERE is your network? I love cracking WEP. 2 mins, and I'm in! ;-)

2) Because if it's in a different room, you won't find it!

[dragonbofh.livejournal.com]

1: You stay away from my WEP XD, 'twill be secured by Monday!

2: Ahh, the old hide and tech-seek, I loves it!

[klfjoat.livejournal.com]

When you secure your wireless with WPA, make sure to use a PSK that is 8 characters and is some derivation of your company name. :-)

Seriously, though, the only secure wireless I've ever seen is where they hook the wireless AP's to their separate backup Internet connection. No connection to the internal network. When users log on, they VPN back in through the external network, like they're at home.

That would have solved your user problem, as well. ;-)