TWENTY MINUTES!

[phrogg.livejournal.com]

For the love of God, and all that is holy, WHY is it illegal to kill these people?!

((majority of conversation left out for brevity's sake))
Me: Okay, sir, i'd like you to look at [piece of hardware] and tell me what lights are on.
Him: Oh, there's five lights.
Me: *remote healthcheck on device, there is definitely not five lights, because that would mean it was online. But our apps have been known to lie before.* That's...odd. Let me reset that to see if we can get it working again...
*tries to send reset command, it fails. Device is definitely not online* Okay, sir...are you sure you're looking at [piece of hardware]?
Him: Uhm...excuse me?
Me: [same thing, described slightly differently], is that what you're looking at?
Him: OH! No, i'm looking at [completely unrelated device, that also happens to have five lights]...
Me: *wishes for ability to strangle people over TCP/IP* Okay, i need you to find the OTHER thing with five lights on it, only this time, make sure it says [brand name] on the side of it.
Him: Okay, give me one moment...okay, here it is.
Me: Okay, what lights do you have on it?
Him: None. They're all off.
Me: *mutes, smashes head on desk* Okay, could you check the power cord, make sure it hasn't come loose?
Him: Power cord? OH! I knew i forgot something...one moment....okay, there we go, it's working now.

I spent TWENTY MINUTES on the phone with this goofball, just to tell him to plug the damned thing in. Granted, some of it was our basic information gathering (name, number, acct info, etc), he swore up and down that he was looking at the right device, described it to me (he described our product almost to a tee), and was looking at something completely different, differently sized, differently shaped from what he was telling me. Why are people so fucktarded? They make the baby Jesus cry.

Comments

[ravenofdreams.livejournal.com]

Why in the name of everything blinky would he describe your hardware while looking at something else? Plainly he knows what he was *supposed* to be looking at....
Come on, user-people! Make some bloody sense! Stop the madness!

[phrogg.livejournal.com]

Oh, but there were blinky lights on this one, they probably distracted him.

[sethb.livejournal.com]

For the love of God, and all that is holy, WHY is it illegal to kill these people?!

It is? Aren't you entitled to a jury of your peers?

[ravenofdreams.livejournal.com]

Yeah! Speaking as a likely peer - after all, we're all techs in here, right - I'd not only acquit you, I'd give you a medal!

If they're an idiot, you must acquit!

[japester.livejournal.com]

For the love of God, and all that is holy, WHY is it illegal to kill these people?!

it's only illegal to get caught killing people.

[sethb.livejournal.com]

And the Texas defense should work, too.

[japester.livejournal.com]

you might have to explain that one ...

[kenbrody.livejournal.com]

"Texas defense" is "he needed killing".

From what I understand, the state of Texas has "he needed killing" as a valid defense against murder charges.

http://www.google.com/search?q=texas+%22he+needed+killing%22

[jecook]

*points to the Devil's Dictionary*

HOMICIDE, n. The slaying of one human being by another. There are
four kinds of homocide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and
praiseworthy, but it makes no great difference to the person slain
whether he fell by one kind or another -- the classification is for
advantage of the lawyers.

[pne.livejournal.com]

Me: Okay, sir, i'd like you to look at [piece of hardware] and tell me what lights are on.

"It's up to you. A life of ease and reflection and intellectual challenge ... or this."

"What must I do?"

"Nothing, really. Tell me ... how many lights you see. How many?"

Him: Oh, there's five lights.

Looks like you mashed on the pain inducer for long enough :)

There are four lights!

[10001110101.livejournal.com]

Hehehe... Best comment all day.

There's a little Cardassian in all of us here in the IT field.

[ptstech.livejournal.com]

Damn, you beat me to it. I made an icon and everything...

240V/IP

[trixtah.livejournal.com]

...straight to the keyboard. Oh, I wish.

[major-error.livejournal.com]

Someone needs to develop the Zorg telephone...

..you know the one. You dial a 3-5 digit code while on a call, and the other end detonates!

[ace-brickman.livejournal.com]

Tricky & Gary Oldman FTW

[canray.livejournal.com]

THERE! ARE! FOUR! LIGHTS!

[pne.livejournal.com]

Don't be a stubborn fool! How many?

[canray.livejournal.com]

Four lights!

[mattcaron.livejournal.com]

Reminds me of a similar tale.. when I was in University, someone else on the floor was panicking because she needed to print out a report. She grabs the RA. Since I'm the guy who is reputed to have some computermachine knowledge, they grab me. I walk in, turn on the printer, tell her to "try it again". It works! I leave.

I should mention that this is her printer that she brought with her.