The Migration Did It!

[ptstech.livejournal.com]

Cross-posted to TSC:

Note: This comes three weeks into a mail server migration.

To: All Employees
RE: Mail Server Migration

The following notice is intended to clear up some misconceptions that have arisen regarding the mail server migration. At no point will migrating your mailbox from the old server to the new server cause ANY of the following:

01. Loss of archived email.
02. Loss of general connectivity.
03. Hard drive failure.
04. Print job failure.
05. Change in resolution on your monitor.
06. Loss of icon(s) from your desktop.
07. Deletion of files/folders/programs from your PC/laptop.
08. VPN connection failure.
09. Drained laptop batteries.
10. Loss of sound.
11. Longer boot time for desktop/laptop.
12. Freezing of desktop/laptop.
13. Explosive diarrhea.
14. Erections lasting more than four hours.
15. The heartbreak of psoriasis.

Yes, all (except the last three) were REAL complaints...

Vailum, whiskey, or a gun - right about now, I don't much care which...

Comments

[the-xtina.livejournal.com]

What the hell is up with the font colour??

[ptstech.livejournal.com]

I screwed up the post and cannot get it set back to default colors...my bad.

[snoopyh42.livejournal.com]

You sure it wasn't caused by the mail server migration?

[ptstech.livejournal.com]

OK, It looks right on the front page now, just whack in here...

[ptomblin-lj.livejournal.com]

Your font colour caused my explosive diarrhea.

[klfjoat.livejournal.com]

But hell, if mail server migrations DID cause erections lasting longer than 4 hours.... :-D

[grayhawkfh.livejournal.com]

We'd do nothing else except mail server migrations...by company/agency policy!

[abstrak-tokatl.livejournal.com]

we now have a new writer for the Daily show!

[ptstech.livejournal.com]

I should be so lucky...

[loosechanj.livejournal.com]

But the migration will cause you to get tickets for all those things, resulting in manglement wondering why the fuck your ticket count is all of a sudden 300% above normal(thanks to the 200% rise in tickets), for which they will bitch you out for not working hard enough.

[ohmyhead.livejournal.com]

Manglement!!!

[phrogg.livejournal.com]

Oh, i LOVE server migration tickets!

"My computer sez my username and password is wrong. Did yous guys screw it up when you moved the files server?!?!"
No, sir, you've simply forgotten how to spell your name.

[miertam.livejournal.com]

Four little words, Turn off Caps Lock.

[phrogg.livejournal.com]

Actually, the last time i had a complaint from a user not being able to log on with his username/password, it was because he had been mis-spelling his own name for the past 15 minutes.

[bedlam14.livejournal.com]

That... is quite honestly terrifying.

[the-s-guy.livejournal.com]

I've had that. I had to physically walk over to this person's building and confirm it. But first I had to find their desk, as they couldn't give me directions to a cubicle literally a dozen feet from the elevator.

[fixerkitty.livejournal.com]

How the hell did they survive to adulthood??

[the-s-guy.livejournal.com]

I was asking myself that exact question for the entire rest of the day. Also "How do they find their desk each morning?" and "If they were fired months ago, would they even have realised it?"

[fixerkitty.livejournal.com]

Short answers:
1) it's probably instinctive, like ants follow trails
2) Probably not

Sometimes I sort of wish I was kind of like a few of those people because I wouldn't be able to recognise their fuckups--then I realised that's probably one of the reasons God put people like US on this earth.

*headdesk* Thinking about it makes me need a drink--a very strong drink.

[bedlam14.livejournal.com]

How does this kind of person even get employed?? I mean, wouldn't he get tripped up when he was filling out his name on various forms? The mind, it boggles.

....Actually, I think it's worse that this person didn't even realize he was spelling it wrong.

[the-s-guy.livejournal.com]

Employment standards had been slipping for a while. They used to have a basic math/english/accuracy test for potential employees. Nothing a bright seven-year-old couldn't pass, mind you. This weeded out about 80% of the applicants.

Then, they stopped using the test.

[bedlam14.livejournal.com]

I think I had to pass more tests to get hired at the local supermarket. And, speaking of supermarkets, suddenly I recall the blinding stupidity there amongst both employees ("OMG THE SCREEN WENT BLACK!!111" "...You just hit the monitor button. Hit it again." "....YOU ARE A GOD-SEND!!!!") and customers ("Where do I slide my card?" "The, uh, slot labelled "slide card here", ma'am.") and am unsurprised. Imagine- those are the people that passed.

Well, you don't need to imagine. You can just look around.

[megpie71.livejournal.com]

Vailum, whiskey, or a gun - right about now, I don't much care which...

I think I see your problem there... should be Valium, whiskey *and* a gun.

Ah, users. Can't live with 'em, and it's illegal to kill 'em and mulch 'em for fertilizer.

[the-s-guy.livejournal.com]

This is why I recommend having a huge information campaign about the mail server move happening on a given Monday - make sure everyone and their dog know when it's going to happen.

There will be a flood of "the mail server made my cat explode!" emails and phone calls on the Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday...

On Friday, actually move the mail server.

[ptstech.livejournal.com]

Add:

16. Mouse failure.