I think we've been infiltrated

[harry-whodunnit.livejournal.com]

We have a new team member on the helpdesk. He has a prestigious (just ask him) IT degree from an overseas university, and seemed like a good catch at first. I'm beginning to wonder if that 'university' operates out of someone's kitchen. The lad is dense. You can't tell him anything, and he seems incapable of learning.

Here's a dramatisation of a conversation between us:

Him: "After she reads a message in Outlook, it disappears from the inbox."
Me: "She probably customised the folder view to only show unread messages."
Him: "No, you don't understand. When she's read the message, it disappears from the inbox."
Me: "Yeah, I know. The folder's probably set to only show unread messages."
Him: "No! When she reads a message, it disappears!"
Me: "Look, I really think if you check the folder view--"
Him: "You don't understand! When she reads a message, it disappears!"
Me: How is that different from what I--? Screw it, I have my own work to do. "I don't know what's wrong."

A few minutes later I heard him telling the user someone must have hacked her account.

And then later the same day:

Him: "Harry, do you mind if I ask you a question?"
Me: Well, I have a sandwich in my mouth and a newspaper open on my knees... oh what the hell, I'll be generous. "Go ahead."
Him: "You know how you're driving your car and you stop at a light and someone comes and starts washing your windscreen? Why do they do that?"
Me: *blinky blinky* "Uh... I don't know."

Comments

[the-rkd.livejournal.com]

I suggest that someone arrange a workplace accident in order to rid this wonderful person from your company.

Who let the luser in ?

[fenrirvallin.livejournal.com]

I'm just gonna go ahead and vote poisoning and in advance.

Unfortunately, he's also probably too dense to pick up on the fact that people hate him. Give him monkey work to do. Dangerous monkey work, if possible. Search out projects that involve heavy lifting and/or live electrical wires, and make him do it.

[gholam.livejournal.com]

Bad, bad idea. The damage that will result from exposure of live electrical wiring to this... person... far outweighs the benefit of their elimination from the gene pool.

[kastinkerbell.livejournal.com]

Bad idea...you'll end up like Frank Grimes.

[byh.livejournal.com]

Reminds me of one joke:

New worker comes to his new workplace. One of his coworkers comes to show him around.
- See, your job is simple. When your shift starts you press this button (shows him). When your shift is over you press this button again (shows him). Do you understand?

- Can't get it, man.

- Okay. Listen, when you start you press this like I do now. When you go home you press it again. Get it?

- Nope, don't get the idea.

- Okay. Look here. There is a button. You press it in the morning. You press it again before going home. Understand?

- Man, are you deaf or are you dumb?! I am telling you for a third time - I do not get it!!!

[the-s-guy.livejournal.com]

Sounds like the perfect person to run cabling in the ducts, be the frontline support person for people you don't like, and to bring up unpopular policy ideas with management.

[the-reda.livejournal.com]

*innocent grin*
I wonder what would happen if he got asked to unclog the cables, the data flow is slow...

[the-reda.livejournal.com]

This sounds like the loser who does IT support at my uni.

He is CONVINCED that my printer not transporting paper is a SOFTWARE problem.
We are convinced he is the nephew of a big wig or something.
No one that incompetent should get that job ...

[ptstech.livejournal.com]

Better watch this one - he's got management written all over him...

[meow-tuna.livejournal.com]

Agreed.

Though if what the_reda suggested above works, keep him going to various stores for stuff like headlight fluid [/RvB].

[the-reda.livejournal.com]

how much damage do you have to cause to get fired ...

hands over the syringe and the draino. Go clean them ports, there's a good lad.

[natertots.livejournal.com]

I was about to post the same thing.... totally sounds like middle management.

[jynx.livejournal.com]

oh! oh! oh! if i act like a moron can I get that job?!

[berkeleyfarm.livejournal.com]

'Fraid so.

I suggest documenting the hell out of everything and bringing concerns to management.

If they don't care, it's time to leave them to his tender mercies.

[gilmoure.livejournal.com]

Man, I don't normally advocate use of the user adjustment tool (baseball bat) on a co-worker but in this case, it seems to be justified.

[eliz.livejournal.com]

*raises a drink in your direction*

Without going into detail, I feel your pain my friend. I feel your pain.

I've got some who can't even read step-by-step instructions with screen shots for crying out loud.

[jynx.livejournal.com]

oh OW. that's just... OW. How did he get this oh-so-wonderful degree?!

[natertots.livejournal.com]

just goes to show what a degree is actually worth. these days getting a college degree is about as impressive as finishing grade school.

[jynx.livejournal.com]

that makes me sad. and wonder if i should be trying so hard to get my BS and Masters. *huff*

[the-reda.livejournal.com]

... Ctrl+P

want one?

[jynx.livejournal.com]

....yes, please. I won't have to bust my ass getting my shiny CS degree. Considering I've got an evil class right now that, uh, I could use a ctrl+p grade in!

[amynnah.livejournal.com]

Oh God... I don't have a degree, I work Hell-desk (working on computers since I was 5 could be why)... I didn't know anything about Outlook when I started working here, but I do know how to check to see if there's a filter applied. /facepalm

Yikes man... just yikes... /offers a frying pan.

[superbus.livejournal.com]

I'd have said the following two things, in order:

"Shut up, listen to me"
"One way convo: I speak, you listen".

If he doesn't get it THEN, then you take over, and make him look stupid. Intentionally.

Devil's Advocate

[phyrewall.livejournal.com]

There is an error that causes the opened email to "disappear". We see it happen every so often, but it happens with S/MIME encrypted messages.