What do you mean "it's my computer?"

[attackgypsy.livejournal.com]

I get this type of call about 3-5 times a week or so. But this one actually said they'd sue if I didn't fix it now.


M - Me. Your over worked, overstressed, with no time off help desk drone.
E - Entitlement bitch out of New Cannan, CT.


M - (Gives proper opening, with offer of help)
E - My internet doesn't work. Fix it now.
M - (Makes proper expression of sympathy and repeats offer of help)
E - I don't care about sorry. Fix it now!
M - (Requests information for account verification)
E - (Almost growling, gives info)
M - What does it say on your screen now?
E - No signal. Now fix the damn thing.

M - (Offers more sympathy, and gives phone # of computer manufacturer)
E - No, its not the computer, its your signals. It says so. Now fix it or I'll sue.
M - Ma'am, the equiptment we provided you is working fine. It's your computer.
E - What's your full name? I need to give it to my lawyer.
M - I am sorry, but we do not give out last names here for security purposes.
However my Tech ID is ####, and this call is being recorded. Also my ticket here
is a legal document that will be called into evidence in any legal proceeding. And now,
there goes the modem signals into the ticket. Now, do you really want to sue us, or
would you like to get your computer fixed?
E - I want your supervisor!
M - (starts chuckling quietly, because he can see his wonderful super with her headphones
on, laughing while she's looking at him) I'm sorry, but the supervisors are in a meeting right
now. I'll pass along your request. In the meantime, call your computer manuf. and get the
machine fixed.
E - I want credit for it not working!
M - Our equiptment is working. Its your equiptment that isn't. Read your terms of service.
E - I'll sue you all!
M - Yes ma'am. Is there anything else I can help you with?
E - FIX THE INTERNET!
M - The internet is fine. Thank you for (buzzzzzzzzz........)

Me and my super walked into our "quiet" room, and started laughing like crazy.

And yes, I have gone to court for the company. In the year I've been here, I've been to court
7 times in 3 states. All wins.

Oh, did I mention I got a perfect quality score this month? 3 straight perfect scores. Means my super
takes me out to lunch. Yippie!

Comments

[ozdeadmeat.livejournal.com]

Dear god. Is it every angry Americans come back to sue you? It seems like you guys just love taking each other to court to settle things rather that using your brains.

[superbus.livejournal.com]

I prefer the old American way of doing things: back alley, bare fists, and a few bottles of whisky.

[ozdeadmeat.livejournal.com]

sounds good 2 me.

[whitewolf3399.livejournal.com]

That or pistols at dawn :)

[spooforbrains.livejournal.com]

Why, what did she do?

[fearrett.livejournal.com]

Agreed.

After my last post-IT bender, I decided Jack Daniels should come with boxing gloves.

Fucking fightin' juice.

[lillyflowers.livejournal.com]

She was just peeved and sexually frustrated 'cause everyone knows the internet is for porn (http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=5430343841227974645) and that's the only way EB's get any.

[tadiera.livejournal.com]

Even more I like the people who call where I work, say: "FIX MY INTERNET, NOW!" then hang up.

Then they call back a bit later and go "WHY ISN'T IT FIXED?!".

[sethb.livejournal.com]

"The Internet is fixed.

You're broken."

HAND

[superbus.livejournal.com]

"The tubes collapsed!"

[ptomblin-lj.livejournal.com]

Why don't companies like yours tell customers like that "since you threatened a lawsuit, we're terminating your service - we can't take the risk that you'd sue us again"?

[attackgypsy.livejournal.com]

We're considered a utility. We can't. I wish we could.

Of course, as a utility, servicing NJ, we get sued on a daily basis down there.

[nastajus.livejournal.com]

Damn.

[ptstech.livejournal.com]

I used to work for just such a company. Only had to use that line once, and boy, was the guy on the other end of the line pissed. All of a sudden, Sparky's insistence that I was working for him and that he would see that I lost my jerb rang somewhat hollow - just like his head...

[whitewolf3399.livejournal.com]

Back when I still had to support residential users our policy was as soon as they mentioned the words 'Lawyer' or 'Lawsuit' or 'Sue' we were to provide them the snail mail address of our legal department, speak a little blurb about not being able to further support them since it had become a legal matter and disconnect the call.

They could always call back of course but we were Tier 2 and they had to start again with our scripted helldesk, 9 times out of 10 if they got back to us they were a little more helpful.

[brothersterno.livejournal.com]

yeah, pretty much, the sue threat comes out and I stop helping. I even gave one guy the choice of threatening to sue me, or doing what I told him to do to solve his problem. Strangely enough, he calemd right down and was very helpful.

Strange.

[wignersfriend.livejournal.com]

I think I remember you posting that on porn story day. That was my favorite.

[nastajus.livejournal.com]

have a link handy?