ummm... you're invoicing US?!

[ebtb.livejournal.com]

Here's an email we got verbatim, as always... this guy has some godzilla-sized balls and he's sorely mistaken!

Whenever Internet Explorer is opened on my machine your software appears. The fee for this is $100 per incident. I have not requested your software be downloaded nor do I seem able to remove it. If you continue to allow this to occur you agree to pay $100 for each time any page or other partion of your software appears on my machine. You will be invoiced weekly for each occurance. If you choose to remove your software from my machine it must be at your expense. I am available at my schedule to remove it for a fee of $100 per hour.

Comments

[knirirr.livejournal.com]

You will be invoiced weekly for each occurance

Perhaps you should bill him to compensate you for the horror of reading such mis-spellings.

[naggy.livejournal.com]

Your fees will be deducted from the help desk fees required when dealing with assholes, which start at $100 per picosecond.

[mariasama16.livejournal.com]

I'm kinda curious what software they're referring to? Toolbars are simple as heck, connection software... that is a completely different story (and he really is an idiot regardless).

[ebtb.livejournal.com]

I have no idea because he mentions it by name... but it's certainly not ours... which makes it even better.

[canray.livejournal.com]

Which just fills the person who wrote this with even more FAIL!

[davesmith42.livejournal.com]

I've got customers that blame everything on my company because of IE's branding feature (you know, "Internet Explorer provided by davesmith42"). Since it has the company name, it obviously follows that everything -- every pop-up, every broken toolbar, every giant animated dancing goat anus -- is from us, because our name is right there.

[spooforbrains.livejournal.com]

So what did we learn about browser branding today? :)

[red-scully.livejournal.com]

WHAT?! Just... WHAT? This is so absurd that it should be cross posted to mock_the_stupid . I despair...

[darkrose.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I get those all the time.

/ask me about the "MCSE and Microsoft Partner" I just had to walk through sharing a folder in Windows 2003.
//On second thought, don't.

[torkell]

What makes that comment worse is that I actually have the official Windows 2000 MCSE books (never took the exam, due to a case of right hand meet left hand), and they actually contain useful information. There's stuff from using network boot to install Windows on a bunch of machines (which actually worked, despite all 16 computers claiming 00-00-00-00-00-00 for a MAC address) to, well, sharing folders and setting the ACLs sensibly.

[darkrose.livejournal.com]

I have the official Windows NT 4 MCSE binders that came with a gazillion pages of Microsoft Marketing material...I mean Technical info about NT4.. It was the best money I ever spent because it steered me away from a career in being a Bill Gates lackey and right into the arms of an adorable penguin.

Of course the classes were fun, though.. My instructor hated me because I had a habit of cracking the teacher box and moving some files that Windows gets real cranky about missing on to the desktop.. It took him 3 sessions to figure out who was doing it.

He took me out to lunch when he figured out it was me. :)

[vortex.livejournal.com]

I have those binders as well!

I never did understand the Microsoftia language you had to know to understand what was in those binders.

Novell, Cisco...much easier to understand because they are in english...

[hisamishness.livejournal.com]

just reply back in boilerplate,

"sorry this needs to go to accounts payable"

then when the idjut replies back to ask how to contact them, fall back to the

"I do not have access to accounts payable information. Please route this to them"

over and over and over....

;-)

Yeah - it might get you written up... but.... *evil grins*

[siliconshaman.livejournal.com]

If it'd been me I;d have replied:

Dear sir..
We have checked our records and it appears you have an illegal copy of our software on your machine. the fine payable for the continued use of this is $250 per instance of use, payable weekly.

We can of course remove this software for you, and avoid a lengthy and costly court case, the fee for this service is $500.

Chances are, that'd be the last anyone would hear of the fucktard.