Oooh, we got a good one today!

[superbus.livejournal.com]

I typically deal with a large group of people during the course of my day. I'm a level 2 applications specialist/analyst at a company that does something called "Security in the Clouds" (read: "we'll do the security for you, ignore the details") for financial institutions, usually smaller ones. I typically think outsourcing anything IT related is stupid, but when dealing with the FDIC, I can see it being the safest way to go about life. But most of the time, I deal with people with some titles to their names, heads of IT departments. Some of these people actually know their shit; they ask good questions, accept answers, and you don't have to dumb down for them. Others are heads of departments, but they don't know shit; usually, as predicted, you can find the acronym "MCSE" in their email signature. You get people in between (who are the best to work with; they WANT to learn shit, and I like dealing with someone that cares what I have to say), and then... the luser crowd. These are people that use services we provide, and instead of referring to their local IT guys - authorized change control people - to put in a ticket, they call us directly. These people are fun, because they're always the ones that call in instead of just putting in a ticket (meaning we have to put down our tickets and help these idiotic mongoloids; I swear, I didn't get to touch a ticket today that was assigned to me for five hours, because I was always on the phone), and they don't want to know the whos or whats of what you're doing; they want the magic box to make happy pictures on their "television thingy", and they want it done NOW, usually because they have some boss breathing down their neck.

Today was one of those. Be advised, names have been changed. Also, this is important: whenever we need to let someone know a password for something like a changed email account, we have a method to send secure emails, which require a login over the internet.

About 5PM, I got a call from one of the people that's going into my department eventually; right now, he's in Triage, he's a smart dude, and fun to work with, even being based in another state. He calls me up and goes "Yeah, I have Ashley on the line. She needs a password reset. And she's nuts!". Oh, boy, nuts? I look at the ticket. She says she needs an email password reset for "Rick". So of course, the other tech, Bill, reset the user's email password, and sent her the email password via secure mail. He told her "it's in secure mail". She writes back "I know! I go to look, and it's not there! I don't have time for this, give me my password now! I don't have time for this!" By the way, that's a near exact quote.

This is where he gets me. I guess she called, got him, and lambasted him over this. He calls me, asks me to reset her secure email password (which I do), and I offer to conference the three of them to help him out; he's a little too new for me to leave him defenceless against an irate, and obviously moronic customer.

I come over, I explain to her how our secure email works... and she cuts me off. "I don't have time for this! This is really important, and you need to get this done! I was TRYING to explain to HIM that this..." etcetera, etcetera. Meanwhile, we're ripping her up the back on our Jabber server.

Him: "Dude, she needs a boyfriend..."
Me: "With her attitude? Fat chance. She'd better go to the novelty store and pick up a pet Rabbit or something."
Him: "Thanks, fucker, you made me mute to keep from laughing!"

Later...

Him: "What is making her so impatient?"
*In the background, on her end* "WHAT THE FUCK IS TAKING SO LONG!?"
Me: "A-ha! A clue, Sherlock!"

Now, I've gone from thinking of Ashley as stupid, to pitying her for her plight. But I also want this screaming bitch off my phone... and so does she, apparently; when I explain to her that her secure email password works, and she can log in with it because I'm logged in as her, she goes "OK... can you just read me the password? I can't stand to spend another minute on the phone..." Works for me! I read her the password, she logs into his webmail, and it works. She audibly sighs, thanks us profusely, apologizes for being a pain in the ass (Me: "Not a problem, Ashley, I understand...", then on Jabber to Bill, "The only pain in the ass is the stick up her ass..."), while you hear the asshole from before - probably Rick - going "It's about time..." ("... We should shove it up HIS ass...").

This is all capped off by me finally getting off the phone - after 25 minutes of bullshit - and the guy next to me going "Let me guess: Ashley?". Apparently, this poor person is a bit of an inside joke in my workplace (I've been there for four months, in my department for about a month), and judging by who she works with, I almost feel sorry for her for it.

Of course, this led to Bill calling me back and going "You know, her company's based in your state! That's pretty close... you should call her back, tell her you'll help her relax...". I love my co-workers, but I could have slapped the shit out of him for that one. I feel sorry for the poor girl, but not THAT sorry; no pussy is THAT good.

Comments

[abstrak-tokatl.livejournal.com]

all i heard was "bla bla bla, i need to get laid."

[canray.livejournal.com]

I got one similar awhile back.

Screaming and yelling about how the service is crap (True), that the company doesn't care (True), and that nothing ever goes right (False).

Then I tried to do the Troubleshooting, and she screamed "I DON'T HAVE ****ING TIME FOR THIS!" in my ear.

"Then don't call Tech Support. We attempt to fix problems here, not take complaints. If you have issues with the service, please take it up at your local office where they do take complaints and can do something in your area."

[berkeleyfarm.livejournal.com]

So what's the deal with lusers calling you directly instead of being referred through their local support? Are the techs there clueless or are they just happy to get rid of her?

Just askin why she got famous in the first place ;).

[superbus.livejournal.com]

You know, I asked that very question after dealing with one particularly troublesome customer (not the same person). We normally have a policy that only "authorized" contacts can ask for stuff, but it's only for change controls (such as "please create a user" or "open/close this group in Websense" or "NAT this local IP to a public"). But for simple support issues, we can talk to anyone. This cuts down on stress for internal IT departments (Hey, thanks, guys! What about me?), and makes us look better to the luser crowd as we help them out. I GUESS it cuts down on turnaround - less hands touching tickets - but it's annoying dealing with lusers, as everyone here knows.

[jill-idle.livejournal.com]

she's way too uptight for you or anyone to 'relax' her. she'd break it off! :P