the stupid, it burns

[red-scully.livejournal.com]

Me:  Helpdesk From Hell, can I help you?
Luser:  I can't get onto the intranet.
Me:  Okay, can you tell me what happens when you try to?
Luser:  I can't log in.
Me:  O_o  There is no login screen for the intranet, Sir.  Can you log into your user account, or is this where you are stuck?
Luser:  I can log in fine.  I can't get onto the intranet.
Me:  *sigh*  Ok.  So you log into Windows fine, but the intranet won't load?
Luser:  The intranet doesn't work.  I can't log in.
Me:  Can you log into your user account, Sir?
Luser:  No.  It's locked out.
Me:  *headdesk*


Here's a thought.  Before ringing me to report your problem, how about getting straight in your head what your problem actually is?  I'm not expecting you to give me technical details or any 'complicated' shit like that, but it would be really nice to JUST ONCE take a call from someone who can just say, "My account is locked out; please unlock".  IS THAT REALLY SO MUCH TO ASK?

Comments

Am I cynical?

[samwize.livejournal.com]

Yes, that IS too much to ask. Most people _don't know how to think_. They have hardly any consistantcy or logic to the processes in their brains. What they do in their heads is NOT what you or I would call "thought".

They are meat robots; animals that learned to talk as a party trick. You are a _shepherd_, not a goatherd. Do NOT expect sense. Do not even expect intelligible words. Just do your best to convince the bleating masses to wander in the direction you need. You'll be a lot happier if you don't expect cooperation from the beasts.

Re: Am I cynical?

[xforge.livejournal.com]

Wut he sed. After all, (assuming you're in the US) this is a country that thinks "American Idol" is a really great TV show.

Re: Am I cynical?

[red-scully.livejournal.com]

Actually, I'm in the UK... a country that thinks "Big Brother" is a really good TV show. I weep for the future of humankind...

[sethb.livejournal.com]

People can't think. The most you can hope for it training them to report exactly what they did and what happened. "I got the login screen, I typed my username and password, and it said 'account locked'." No thinking involved.

When they try to speed things up and jump to conclusions, tell them that if they can figure it out themselves, they don't need your help.

It isn't easy; it's taken me years to get users to report the magic number on the error message screen.

[xforge.livejournal.com]

Get that alla time. "I can't get into Windows."
(check Active Directory, account not locked)"Your password's not locked; what are you trying to open?"
"Windows."

::headdesk::

(handhold user, end up logging in remotely and discovering it's one of the accounting sub-subsystems they're having trouble with, reset password on *that*, THEN end up having to hold their hand through logging back into it 'cuz the auto BOINGGG!! login got munged)

::hit the scotch::