You want to do WHAT with your 360?

[karopanda.livejournal.com]

Back story: I'm the only female/girl not over 40 who works at a nerd university's tech support.  To make it worse, this university has a 65:35 male to female ratio, so being a college student...is sometimes scary, to say the least.  Being a university, we have limitations on bandwidth, all of which are quite reasonable compared to other uni's policies.  That said, you go over it 4 times, we kick you off and won't let you back on unless you have a REALLY good reason...like the computer is used for some research project that requires it to go over bandwidth, or your machine was riding dirty (but even then we get to dink around with your comp and make you reformat it if it really is bitchy).

Right.  So a customer walks in.  Typical nerd in a nerdy wonderland.
Me: "Hello, what seems to be the problem?"
Guy: "I got kicked off the network...fordownloadingtoomuchporn."
Me: "Pardon?"
Guy: "For downloading too much porn."
Me: "Oh...uh, I don't think you can get exempt for that."
Guy: "Well, that's not the problem.  I was trying to register my 360's MAC addy and...it worked, but..."
Me: "Yes?  What didn't work?"
Guy: "Can I talk to a...not girl?"
Me: "I'm sorry, everyone else is busy at the moment, so you can wait or...talk to me."
Guy: "It's sort of urgent."
Me: "Then would you mind continuing?"

At this point, he looked lost in thought, trying to decide if he should continue with me or not.  While he did that, I went to look up how much over his bandwidth was.  We allow 10 gigs per week of inbound, and 10 for outbound, or 2 gigs/day.  This guy's first warning had him at 20 gigs.  Second warning had him at 30 gigs inbound.  Third, 50ish.  Fourth and final, 100 gigs...in a week...of porn?  That...is a lot of porn.  We don't even count traffic that's within the university.

Guy: "Okay.  I'll talk to you."
Me: "Alright, so what's wrong with your xbox?"
Guy: "I can't get it to download porn."

...He needed more?  What, was he streaming all that other porn or something?  What's worse, is I later checked our queue and there were three other instances in the past 2 months of people trying to download porn on their xbox...at least the others were calls instead of walk-ins.

Me: "I'm sorry, Sir, that's unsupported."

Comments

[dr-atheist.livejournal.com]

At least he found a good use for his 360...

[teraflops.livejournal.com]

Good lord, how much porn does a person need?!?

[hisamishness.livejournal.com]

... and just where do you find 20 or 30 or 50 or 100 gigs a week of porn that's worth having?

[chemical-laser.livejournal.com]

That's like asking how much air you need to breathe, or water to drink, or bleach for your sheets.

[xforge.livejournal.com]

An entire ocean of sodium hypochlorite, it seems.

[brokengoose.livejournal.com]

640k should be enough for anybody.

[teraflops.livejournal.com]

hehe... I'm just thinking in terms of rate of consumption. I mean, how long does it take to get through 30 gigs of pornography. Even as mpeg-2 DVD movies... that's hours and hours of video.

[karopanda.livejournal.com]

Let's see, the first 20 gigs was 2 weeks before the 30 gigs (but we also have a 5 day grace period after the warnings where bandwidth is counted so they can get the problem resolved...or not.) Then there was 4 weeks before the 50ish, and another 2 before the 100. Maybe the guy didn't eat or sleep or go to class...but yeah.

[spooforbrains.livejournal.com]

"You don't eat or sleep or mow the lawn ..."

[gilmoure.livejournal.com]

Porn comes in movies? There's more than just Giffy Girls?

[geekgrrl-ca.livejournal.com]

porn is urgent? o_O

that boy needs a girlfriend.

[ateji.livejournal.com]

I question whether his having that much porn precludes having a girlfriend: problem and solution in one!

[hisamishness.livejournal.com]

true -- sometimes having a girlfriend is the source of that much porn.

also true -- this only applies to certain, very, um, 'special' girlfriends... ;-)

[ateji.livejournal.com]

What, the kind that don't freak out about porn? Those are rare breeds. ;)

[hisamishness.livejournal.com]

even more rare are the ones that will star in it for you

[ravenshrinkery.livejournal.com]

Bonus points for those who will star in it with you.

[karopanda.livejournal.com]

I think at this point he's probably better off with a blow up doll...

[ex-deliveryboy.livejournal.com]

Maybe he saw Weird Science and decided to make a girl.


Actually make a girl.

[teraflops.livejournal.com]

Out of porn?!?

[karopanda.livejournal.com]

How else would you do it? With sugar, spice, and everything nice? Porn 360 girls are the future...apparently.

[canray.livejournal.com]

http://www.godmodeonline.com/d/20070108.html

[karopanda.livejournal.com]

I'd totally go for the Wii whore. Black x green x silver clothes = no thanks.

Honestly, no one ever tries to download porn on their Wii...or PS3.

[canray.livejournal.com]

What about the new X-Box 360 Elites? I'm sure they do Greek now. ;-P

[karopanda.livejournal.com]

If I wanted a cybergoth whore, she'd have to at least be able to allow input for JP in online games (okay, fine, just FFXI). Funny, MS lets it read JP, but they forgot to add the whole IME thing.

Silly white people.

[karopanda.livejournal.com]

Aha, seriously? Most people like talking to me because I sound HAPPY! As opposed to the guys who are cranky they had to stop playing CS to respond. ...But for some reason most bandwidth issue people want to talk to...notagirl.

[karopanda.livejournal.com]

Oh! I've had that problem more times than I'd like to count... I've also had someone conduct an interview with me to determine whether or not I was qualified to help him that went something like...

Him: "Oh, a girl..."
Me: "Uh-huh."
Him: "Student or adult?" (uhh, both?)
Me: "Student."
Him: "CS or ECE major?"
Me: "No, international business and Asianic languages."
Him: "...Hmm..."

Then he decided to finish up his pre-tech support interview in Chinese (which I sound VERY white when speaking, but can make due...) Apparently I passed, since he allowed me to help him configure Entourage. What a sweetheart...

[gilmoure.livejournal.com]

At that point, I'd have signed him up for some cool commercial lists.

[karopanda.livejournal.com]

Nah, he would have called back complaining the school's spam filter wasn't working, and then I'd have to explain to him how to view headers in Entourage to see if it was marked by the spam filter, check his sieve script to see if the basic one was set up or if he destroyed it somehow (my school let's people edit their own...which often ends in "oops, I deleted it" when it comes to profs), and then put him on hold while I bang my head on the wall.

[karopanda.livejournal.com]

Really? For the most part, girls call in since they don't want to "look at the ridiculously nerdy guys"...according to one of the sorority girls who had a network outage...which turned out to be she disabled her wireless card. Honestly though, nerd school, so she really couldn't have been that great herself or she wouldn't be there...

(Psst, and if you weren't joking, you probably would be here! <3)

[adamjaskie.livejournal.com]

I haven't been in the situation, but I don't know that I would really be comfortable talking to a girl about my internet connection being shut off because I was downloading hundreds of gigabytes of porn. Well, I wouldn't really be comfortable talking to anyone about it, but I think that would make it even more awkward.

When MY internet got cut off in the dorms, I called TS and they said the notes on my account said "refer to student judicial affairs". And no, it wasn't for porn.

[goose-entity.livejournal.com]

now come on - it's not fair to leave us hanging like that! What naughtiness did they think you were up to?!?

[adamjaskie.livejournal.com]

Well, I was reading Slashdot one day during freshman year, and I found this article:
http://slashdot.org/articles/04/02/12/2114228.shtml

Within the comments there was a link to a .torrent, and, being a college freshman I didn't really think about being caught. I mean, Microsoft SOURCE CODE! How could I resist?

[goose-entity.livejournal.com]

bwaa haaa haaa!

[photosinensis.livejournal.com]

I can tell you why guys don't want to talk to a girl about bandwidth issues: they don't want to tell a girl that they blew 100 gb of bandwidth in a week to objectify women. Also, they think that knowledge of exactly how much porn they have might impact their ability to get in your pants.

That said, I'm a bandwidth hog, but I use it for F/OSS, not porn.

[spiker-uk.livejournal.com]

Even more fun is when you have to call in a *female* student for downloading too much porn via the university main network (we're not even talking ResNet here, folks) in an office full of male sysadmins.

[enigma-o.livejournal.com]

ResNet, Concord and in the uk. You wouldn't happen to be Bristol would you?

[spiker-uk.livejournal.com]

Nice try, but there is a little deliberate obfuscation going on. :-) I am in fact somewhere in London. :-)

[shadedspriter.livejournal.com]

If I got 10gigs of porn...a year...It would be enough for me...

but mainly because .jpg is enough for me...who needs video.

Also he is proberly lieing...admiting you look at porn is less to explain than downloading anything "illegal" (I download 10-15gigs of TV shows from America a week.)

[karopanda.livejournal.com]

Nah, my uni has a policy on bootlegging that goes something like, "If the RIAA or MIAA aren't bitching, neither are we. Don't get caught, kids, don't upload!" In fact, we have a class for freshmen on how not to get caught.

...But my school also has group showings of porn once a semester with one dollar tickets. We've come to accept the porn.

...Or maybe he was just really, really off.

[trixtah.livejournal.com]

Well, look on the bright side, this is great preparation for engaging in a totally male-dominated line of work in a totally male-dominated business environment. We had one fire station commander who was downloading so much porn that when he finally got fired, the bandwidth used for his area (300+ employees) dropped by 30%.

Then there was the fire station we visited on a "get to know the techies" mission, where I was asked, seriously, by one of the firies, whether it was actually true that we could tell what porn someone downloaded via the corporate network. In front of three of my colleagues! And his team! And his boss!

...So if anyone wants to know what firemen get up to during the long watches of the night, now you know. Oh, and I've lost count of the amount of times someone's asked to speak to "someone who knows" or the "actual mail administrator" when I answer the phone. I'd average a few times a year (10 years in this line of business, now).

[karopanda.livejournal.com]

Huh, firemen downloading porn? I thought there'd be enough women with firemen complexes that they wouldn't need any.

Though...that's pretty damn awesome it dropped by 30%. At least he kept busy at work...while he was still employed. Usually I end up trolling LJ. Porn. Greater than LJ.

[wrench0626.livejournal.com]

Wow.
My university doesn't let you download porn. If they catch you - though I'm not sure how they have the right to - you're thrown off.

And there's an 8 meg connection, whouch would be great for a house with 5 computers - to go around more than 300.

[karopanda.livejournal.com]

My uni shows porn in our theater once a month with $1 tickets...soooo...

[taiki.livejournal.com]

MOst nerd guys would be ELATED to talk to a girl about technology.

What the hell was his problem?!

[piepants.livejournal.com]

lol wow...

I think you are correct in that he's streaming. Nobody needs / can possibly use that much pr0n