You WILL help me... or not

[the-ninja-style.livejournal.com]

Randomly we get a customer who dials the tech line because it's the one in the phone book. Most hang up when they hear, "Please enter your job or tech number." SOME however manage to push 4 numbers and allows them through.

Woman: Hi. I need help with my router.
Me: Is your modem working?
Woman: Yes, the computer with the modem hooked up is working, none of my other computers are.
Me: OK for that, you will need to contact your router company. We are not allowed to support anything that isn't our equipment.
Woman: No. You WILL help me.
Me: *Hangs up*

5 minutes later the woman calls back.

Me: This should be fun. *Answers phone*
Woman: Hi. I'm sorry. I need your help, will you please help me?
Me: I all ready told you I can not help you. Not only are we not allowed to support your router, the only people that are here know next to nothing about them.
Woman: No one?
Me: There is 3 people here, none of us are familiar with networking
Woman: What kind of computer techs are you?!?
Me: We're not, we're modem techs.
Woman: ... fine *hangs up*

Not 2 minutes later she calls back. Did I not mention I am one of 3 people here? We also have "number to agent call back" with our system. That means if you talked to an agent before and they aren't on the phone, you will get routed back to them. The odds are not so much in her favor.

Me: *Answers phone*
Woman: AUGH! *Hangs up*

Cue another 2 minutes later

Me: *Answers phone*
Woman: Are you KIDDING me?
Me: Router company would be easier...
Woman: *Hangs up*

Comments

[lihan161051.livejournal.com]

Woman: No. You WILL help me.

BZZZZT. Wrong. Thank you for playing. (disconnects call)

It's frightening how many people have this attitude, though. And how many of them zombie-route through the call routing system of whoever they think owes them support and lay this on the first human they talk to. And then try to climb the chain of command to get people fired when they get an answer they don't like. Like, say, "call the people who support this".

And then there are the instances where *nobody* has phone support for what they're calling about, and they made a random guess as to who would be likely to answer a phone somewhere. Which makes the above exchange even more unpleasant.

Tends to make one slightly cynical after a while ..

[canray.livejournal.com]

"And then there are the instances where *nobody* has phone support for what they're calling about..."

Oh, you mean Dell issues. ;-)

[the-ninja-style.livejournal.com]

Ha, yes. Back in my Tier 1 days I was a master at muting to be a smartass. Well one customer said, "I have a Dell." and I said without muting, "Well there's your problem."
Hello first (and only!) write up.

[hangar.livejournal.com]

Oh goodness. That's hilarious.

[canray.livejournal.com]

Glad you can hang up! I hated having to deal with folks like that.

Luckily, it was only a one-in-a-million chance that I ever got a person again.

[fuego.livejournal.com]

Router company would be easier...

That's beautiful.

[the-s-guy.livejournal.com]

Hee. We used to have a manual version of that - quick IM to all techs: "If X calls back, put them through to me - it's SUFFERIN' TIME!"

Also found out that stubborn fools really get annoyed if you simply laugh at them whenever they call.

RE: Sufferin' Time

[fragbert.livejournal.com]

Yep, we did that too. Going analyst fishing? Sorry, you get me telling you the same thing over and over until you die.

Re: Sufferin' Time

[guinevere33.livejournal.com]

:: uses the icon ::

Re: Sufferin' Time

[dukesnorre.livejournal.com]

Aah. I read that as analyst fisting. Ah. Aah. Ow.

Re: Sufferin' Time

[the-ninja-style.livejournal.com]

LOL I read it as the same thing the first time I saw it.

Re: Sufferin' Time

[fragbert.livejournal.com]

Hehe. No, that happened on 11 July 2005.

http://community.livejournal.com/techsupport/730295.html

[lovemonster.livejournal.com]

i wish i could just hang up on our clients like that! would make my job so much easier!

[floatingpencil.livejournal.com]

If they don't get it at that point, I usually just tell them to stop calling and harassing us, as that's against our TOS (there is in fact a clause in the TOS about harassing employees here, and can result in immediate service term).

We have something like that, and I love it. Our customers love to threaten to complain, or yell "I'll cancel my support contract!". They don't realise that we can log a complaint against them and if they piss enough people off their contract will be cancelled for them. Once (after I knew I'd had my monthly audit already) I actually said to a yelling customer "Frankly Mr. So-and-so, you're one expletive away from having your contract cancelled anyway. Would you like to calm down?". He calmed down with me, but yelled at the next person he got, evidently thinking that the Wankerometer had been reset. Nope. Cancelled, fuckwit.

[seattleotaku.livejournal.com]

Boss: "If he calls back, tell him I said to fuck off." :)