allcaps with exclamation points.

[hiroe.livejournal.com]

Hastily written request for help, with capslock on, badly misspelled, punctuation nonexistent. Explanation of issue confusing and unclear. Mention of error message, but no actual detailed info of message itself given. Statement of urgency, with fairly obvious disregard for anyone else's time.

Poster completely oblivious to actual purpose of community.

one-word formal polite request, with many additional exclamation points.

Comments

[vertelemming.livejournal.com]

Psst. Right sentiment. Wrong community. *Points you over to the Existential Flame War*

[hiroe.livejournal.com]

Statement of intent regarding viral replication.

[vertelemming.livejournal.com]

Comparison to fictional cybernetic species obsessed with integration of other species into their distributed mind. Expression of interest to be upgraded.

[hiroe.livejournal.com]

Observation of whimsicality on part of previous commenter; statement of friending.

[jecook]

...aaand when did this happen??

I've been refreshing habitually for the past few hours whilst waiting at the kitty clinic...

[linguafranca.livejournal.com]

Ah, here we go: Excitement (http://community.livejournal.com/techsupport/1325101.html)

[turningallblue.livejournal.com]

I think I'm going to use smoking pot as my excuse for everything I do incorrectly. Despite the fact that I don't smoke. And then I'll yell at everyone for being mean. That'll get me sympathy and a walkthrough, right?

[hiroe.livejournal.com]

If mocking them is fair game, does it really matter what form the mock takes?

[kizayaen.livejournal.com]

Completely overblown highly technical (ignoring requests for lay terms) procedure expressed as an absolutely critical necessity to fix problem. Instructions for creating "specialty cable" to apply corrective voltage, involving power leads and CAT5 patch cables. Lengthy explanations of steps producing massive hardware failure probable fix. Statement illustrating exactly how screwed you definitely will be if you disregard assistance and how screwed you may be if procedure doesn't work.

[hiroe.livejournal.com]

Offer to provide scanlations from mythical book about death.

[liber-cogito.livejournal.com]

Go off topic to ask where you can get live baby goat, cheap.

[yuethomas.livejournal.com]

Title of the Song (http://www.bobandtom.com/gen3/title_song_windoid.html).

[phrogg.livejournal.com]

Blast! You beat me to it!

I almost forgot!

[liber-cogito.livejournal.com]

*obligatory macro that doesn't really make sense*

Example?

[swwinchester.livejournal.com]

Re: Example?

[anamacha.livejournal.com]

sharp exclamation of surprise and laughter regarding this comment. Much rolling on metaphorical floor ensues.

[phrogg.livejournal.com]

Request for poster to attempt copulation with his/herself.

Explanation that poster is in the wrong place.

Poster remains oblivious.

[swwinchester.livejournal.com]

Use of overly-large image involving cute kitten or anime character in humorous context, with probable mis-spelling of words in image for humorous effect.

ie:

Dissection of original post's spelling and grammar errors, including final grade.

Suggestion that original poster execute advanced form troubleshooting method, as outlined in my LJ icon.

[anamacha.livejournal.com]

commenter gets plus three proverbial points for usage of cat.macro