Users = Lusers

[lovemonster.livejournal.com]

Me = Your's truly
ID = Idiot Doctor



Me: Company Name tech support this is ME how can i help you?

ID: *screaming into the phone* IT'S NOT SAVING ANY OF MY DATA!

Me: Ok sir. Is this Program A or Program B

ID: *still screaming and now breathing hard like an Ox* I DON'T KNOW, BUT IT'S NOT SAVNIG ANYTING I'M DOING! FIX IT!

Me: Ok sir, if I could get your account info so I can determine which program you're using, I'll be more than happy to help you

ID: *huffing and puffing like i just asked him to stand on his head* I don't know! Does it matter? *lots of shuffling and banging going on in the background* It's ....

Me: *check acct, find it's valid and quickly review previous tickets while trying to calm his ass down... go through the normal routine of "when was the last time you backed up, rebooted, etcetcetc... all the while the user is going...*

ID: Why isn't it saving? Your program sucks! Fix it! When are you going to log into my PC to fix it? I have patients to go see, I don't have time for this!

Me: *find the ticket from JANUARY which states that the doctor is perilously close to maxing out the size of his database. Also notice that we offer to assist him, but he "doesn't have time to deal with it" Ok sir, if you don't mind can I log into your PC to see what's going on

ID: About damn time!

Me: Yes, sir. *log in to find the DB is at 1.978 GB on a max DB size of 2.0 GB* Well sir, that seems to be your problem there. Until you archive your data out, you will be unable to add any further information.

ID: What? No one told me I had a database limit!

Me: Actually sir, it was part of the contact you signed stating you were willing to use MSDE instead of Full SQL due to cost. *continues to talk over the sputtering drivel coming out of his mouth* Also, you called back in January, where you were informed that your database was very close to being maxed out. We did offer to assist you at that time.

ID: *spluttering w/ rage and frustration, as his voice creeps back up the registry to the shrieking levels* What the hell?! WHAT THE HELL!! I have to finish my records! How can YOU (yes he said "YOU") fix this?!

Me: We have two choices at this time: (1) Transfer the data to our side, archive using Full SQL and then transfere the database. This will take 2-3 days. (it doesn't really take this long, to be honest) or

ID: WHAT?! Two to three DAYS? *starts freaking out*

ME: *talking over him* (2) You purchase Full SQL, we install, then restore the DB, then archive

ID: How much is that going to cost

ME: $1500

ID: HOW MUCH?!? *shreiking agian*

ME: *waits for him to finish freaking out, listening to him have a total temper-tantrum-melt-down... by this time co-workers are stopping by bc THEY CAN HEAR HIM thru my headset!*

ID: Fine! FINE! Transfer the f-----g data and get it fixed! *and he hangs up on me*

Comments

[alstaria.livejournal.com]

Yup..that sounds like a doctor to me. I'm so glad I no longer have to deal with them on a daily basis.

I applaud you on remaining calm through out that call. Have a internet!beer on me :)

[lovemonster.livejournal.com]

ya know, normally i don't mind working w/ doctors and their staff so much, but this even pushed my buttons.

can't tell you how much i wanted to do a dance on his head when i realized it was of his own doing! hehee!

[japester.livejournal.com]

I'm always appreciative of solutions that hit stupid customers in the wallet.
It implies that they remember that these IT dudes they're paying are actually worth listening too.
Sometimes.
Some customers are just too stupid, or rich, to think.

[lovemonster.livejournal.com]

ya know, sometimes i think it's pure ignorance. they do not understand, so they do not want to learn. simple as that

unfortunately, that "simplicity" seems to cause all our heartaches and headaches!

[japester.livejournal.com]

What's the difference between stupidity and ignorance?
Stupidity is the desire to remain ignorant.

Ignorance is understandable and acceptable. Once. Maybe twice if they're a slow learner. Otherwise it's an obvious adherance to not learning, and that in my books, means you're a walking corpse. You never stop learning until you dead.

[lovemonster.livejournal.com]

amen!

if i have to teach the (l)user for a 3rd-4th-5th time, yeah they need to start learning!

[lovemonster.livejournal.com]

*bows* bloo says hi ;)

[caitriona27.livejournal.com]

Gotta love the MSDE size limitation and customers who think they will never hit it..

[anivair.livejournal.com]

Esspecially one so drastically small. 300 GB? i'd guess that a small to medium sized doctor would never hit it unless he started storing things in pdf. 2GB? i can break that just in email.

[xforge.livejournal.com]

Yah, we have users with .pst files that big.

[bekscilla.livejournal.com]

And if they're Outlook 2002 and lower, that's right about the time the .pst file implodes and dies :D Next time they should listen to me when I tell them to split it when it gets too big.

[xforge.livejournal.com]

Eeeeyup, btdt. Fun fact #43095087, Mac users can't create multiple .pst files; if they use Entourage, which is the only Exchange client available for Mac, it puts everything including their current "live" database in a single file.

And of course the company's entire "live" email database is a single file on the Exchange server, innit? That's how it yoosta be anyway. Great plan Microsoft!! You go boyeez!!!

[bekscilla.livejournal.com]

Oooh sweet, that sounds like loads of fun! Thanks for the info though - we don't support Entourage (or Mac's - their CIO specifically told them not to buuuuy Mac's and they won't get any support), but it's good to tell em stuff like that sometimes.

[gilmoure.livejournal.com]

As sucky as Outlook is (luv me dem' OLK directories), MicroSoft managed to top themselves with Entourage. 2/3's the capability of Outlook and stays sync'd to the server only 1/2 as much. Gah!

[snoopyh42.livejournal.com]

How do you split the .pst? Can it be done with .ost files as well?

[bekscilla.livejournal.com]

Oh, I just get them to create another .pst file and drag half their mail into that. There's probably an easier way, but I don't know it.

[valiskeogh.livejournal.com]

MUWWAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

doctors are mean

nice to see them owned :)

[canray.livejournal.com]

"You'll feel a slight bit of discomfort as we pwn you. Pwn you long, and hard, and strong!"

[chaobell]

I used to do tech support on medical billing software. This is why I do not miss it.

[dubhain.livejournal.com]

I used to do medical records for a living. Given the doctors I had to deal with on a daily basis, IT is easier. And more pleasant.

[thegreatdoogie.livejournal.com]

heh...at my place, that would be considered customer disconnect, without clear indication of what the customer wanted to do....hence, we do absolutely nothing beyond log it on our side that the customer hung up. :D If the tech really wanted, he _could_ attempt to call the customer back, or send the case to an outbound team but that's not bloody likely due to the customer's attitude.

[lovemonster.livejournal.com]

exactly!

but lord knows the dr still thinks it's our fault... even though he's signed contracts stating that we are not responsible for any lost data.

[thegreatdoogie.livejournal.com]

I actually had a guy a few months back, upon telling him that it's clearly stated in the service contract that we are not responsible for any data on the machine, replies to me "who actually reads those things???"

Not my problem, sir. :)

[canray.livejournal.com]

"Lawyers and Judges, Sir. Lawyers and Judges. Still thinking of suing us?"

[xforge.livejournal.com]

Screaming about money from an M.D. who probably makes that much in any given three-day work week with Wednesday off for golf and a half day on Friday.

[canray.livejournal.com]

Not to mention the fact that he'd also, easily, write it off in taxes as well, and get most of it back.

[canray.livejournal.com]

Let us know how it turns out.

Lord knows that I loved to look at wonderful accounts like this a week or two down the line.

Came in handy, once, when one of the callers (Actually a nice guy caught up in a beurecratic nightmare and stuck with too many Script-Kiddie Techs!) got me three times.

"Great, now I have to talk to yet another of the unwashed masses and explain things AGAIN!" "Actually, *Bob*, it's Ray again. I know the issue, working on it some more." "OH THANK GOD! You're probably the only person there that isn't the Missing Link."

[lovemonster.livejournal.com]

well, i've finished archiving after 24 hrs of work... got it down to less than a GB, now am trying to transfer the files on over. of course, the dr is having internet connectivity so i'm getting 1/2 way thru the process and BOOM! *grumbles*

[canray.livejournal.com]

"...the dr is having internet connectivity..."

Well, I'd hope he has a Internet connection. I'd hate to have you face the bugger in person to do the job locally.

Oh, Intermittant Connectivity. That's different.

[lovemonster.livejournal.com]

oh no! they can't afford for me to go on site ;)

[canray.livejournal.com]

The danger pay alone...

"Exposure to disease, exposure to human biological waste, exposure to biological waste of a human..."

[amynnah.livejournal.com]

Holy CRAP! Did one of our docs escape his pen again!? /hunts him down with a tranquilizer gun