(no subject)

[katyism.livejournal.com]

One of the most annoying first statements from a user is:
"Help! I can't get on!"

Usually just coddle them, as in "Oh? Can't get onto what? The internet? Your email? Some site or another?"

But today I thought of a better response for the day I finally quit in a mad fit of rage and hilarity:

User: "Hi, um, I just can't get on tonight."
Me: "That's nothing, my friend. Some nights I just can't get off."

Comments

[xrockravenx.livejournal.com]

lmao, nice~

[d-l-leonine.livejournal.com]

I don't know about that. 5 years of "I ain't gots no cable!" got pretty annoying.

[gilmoure.livejournal.com]

Well that's a little better than calling with: "I called because I have a problem."

Well duh, no one calls me to talk about the interpretations of Hamlet!

[zzyzx.livejournal.com]

Would you like me to?

[gilmoure.livejournal.com]

I love how they seem to thing that saying problem is all I need before pulling a magic wand out of my ass and waving it in the air, fixing their computer and removing their dandruf, all in one swell foop. Or course, there's variations, such as "my computer's acting weird" (has it grown horns and is dancing the rhumba?) or "is the internet down?" I used to take this to mean that they had a network problem but now days, 'the internet' seems to be a catch all for all that shiny computer magic they don't understand. Hell, they're not even to the bunch of tubes stage yet. Sigh. I hate my users. But it turns out, I'm really good at fixing their crap and they really like me. Weird.

oh yeah: Hamlet's dad was really a tyrant and Claudius did the kingdom and Gertrude a favor, offing him. Hamlet, of course, is just a bit of a dim bulb (in breeding ya' know), not being able to see any of this and really just needs to get laid.

[zzyzx.livejournal.com]

and really just needs to get laid.

Wouldn't that solve everyone's problems?

[gilmoure.livejournal.com]

Or a back-rub bomb. Something that would give the sensation of getting a back rub. No one would want to fight.

[redqueenmeg.livejournal.com]

I think my favorite was the guy who called rrrebo and said "I can't get it up."

[projectgator.livejournal.com]

I wonder if he worked in the space division ... get it rocket space cant get it up. OK I know that sucked so I'm header to my quiet place now

[phaedra-13.livejournal.com]

ROFL...that is classic! :)