wwwwwwwwwwwhy?

[ebtb.livejournal.com]

Email from Luser:

I downloaded your firewall for windows 98, said it wasnt compatible..why is this??? windows 98users need protection also. I use to have kerio, why cannt I have it again..everything seems to be for XP and wwwwindows 2000 up.

thanks

Let's pretend that you can't get fired - what would you tell this person? Be honest!

Comments

[fearrett.livejournal.com]

Let me explain this to you in simple terms sir.

When windows 98 came out? I was 12. I could not drive, I could not drink. I am now 20, and windows 98 is now 8 years old. Most people don't own CARS for that long, let alone computer systems. So frankly, if you are so fucking retarded that you think that windows 98 is far superior to XP, then frankly, you deserve what you fucking get, you walking example of a frontal lobotomy patient.

[redqueenmeg.livejournal.com]

Dear jackass,

Your request for a firewall for Windows 98 is laughable. Your insistence that "windows 98users need protection also" is somewhat akin to wondering why there are no seat belts factory-installed on your Model T Ford.

Think about that real hard.

Then, after you finish wiping the brain bits off your 1990 Packard Bell CRT that you tried to find "drivers" for to get a better picture than 640x480, go buy a new computer.

Thanks ever so, duckie.

[inahandbasket]

"Microsoft discontinued support for Win98, so why the hell should we keep writing code for it dumbass!?"

[kestrelct.livejournal.com]

"Because in the past eight years, everyone but you has moved on."

[absurdwords.livejournal.com]

Dear user,

please don't take it personally. It's hard to face, but you're using a very, very old computer. I know it's hard to separate from your old pc, but did you know it's possible to back up your files and transfer them to a newer pc? You won't lose all those naughty pictures you've collected the last eight years. You may also want to buy a new monitor. Believe me, if you're used to a 640x480 resolution, you will find the experience of viewing boobies on a 1024x768 or higher res monitor very enjoyable.

I know you're not used to a newer operation system. All those new functions! But using Windows XP can be fun. It has bright colours! The 'X' you click on to close a program is now red, so it's easier to find. Isn't that exciting!

Come on! It's not that hard. I'm sure your new pc and operating system will be very familiar to you in no time. You'll have a love-hate relationship with your new pc - just like with your old one - before you can say 'blue screen of death'.

I know. Buying a new pc may feel like having the vet put your favorite pet to sleep, but we all had to do this. It's time to move on. You can do it!

Kind regards,

absurd words

[drquuxum.livejournal.com]

Hey, I've got a 16-year-old Sun box here. Why doesn't your firewall software support SunOS 4.3? ;-)

[twistedsyx.livejournal.com]

If I couldn't get fired I'd say something like this:
"ARE YOU A F*%$ING MORON? That thing is a ticking time bomb of data destruction! No really! That's why Microsoft stopped supporting it so they don't have to be liable for all the explosions of peoples heads when they realize they've lost 8 years worth of really shitty stuff. I mean, like 8 years worth of crappy mp3's like... uh... macerana or something.

In otherwords, we've stopped supporting it so the first person you decide to take the head off for your inept ability to keep up with technological times will not be us. However, we have a special designation for such fine and relevant people like yourself, this is very hush hush in our little support land where I work, but we like to call you our 1d10t customers. That's right, one dee, ten tee. We hand out whatever version of whatever for free... in the back ally... by a guy named bubba... he holds a baseball bat. It's a fight to the death for the software."

[ebtb.livejournal.com]

not that I was having a contest, but so far, you are teh winner!

[flainn.livejournal.com]

"Here's a quarter, kid. Get yourself a real computer."

[gremlingirl.livejournal.com]

If Microsoft doesn't support 98, why should we?

[shirenomad]

wwwwell, not enough people use wwwwin98 anymore. even microsoft is no longer wwwwilling to support it. wwwwe suggest you upgrade to wwwwindows 2000 as soon as possible.

[caerleon.livejournal.com]

Try Zone Alarm.. you can probably find a copy that'll work with your machine at oldversion.com..

[absurdwords.livejournal.com]

I was just being nice to the luser ;)

[taleya.livejournal.com]

Dear Customer name,

Windows 98 is a now-obsolete operating system. It has been superceded numerous times by superior software and is now no longer supported. As the majority of people who use our service are aware of the flaws inherent in this system, they have since migrated to operating systems such as XP, 2k and other variants.

As of June 2006, Microsoft itself no longer supports windows 98 in any capacity. This has been widely advertised, in numerous forums, as has the instability of windows 98 itself. Its common replacement system, Windows XP was released five years ago and is widely available for users running reliable computer systems.

Please bear in mind that we no longer support obsolete operating systems, and will not be releasing a windows 98 variant of the firewall. I would also like to take the opportunity to remind you that according to our terms and services agreement, the security of your system is your responsibility, and the company cannot be held accountable for your failure to adequately protect your data you stupid twat

(apart from what is struck out, that's pretty much what I'd send back, unedited. i love my damned job :D)

[azzy23.livejournal.com]

Dear Ass Chanker,

Ask Mr. Gates.

Kthx.

[jecook]

+1

[the-s-guy.livejournal.com]

"We haven't provided a Windows 98 firewall since Microsoft stopped supporting it. For much the same reason, we don't provide firewalls for MS-DOS and the Commodore 64. You may find more luck with your local computer club, if anyone there still uses computers that old."

[ghostdandp.livejournal.com]

I'd probably just send him a copy of ME in the store..

hehe.. That is evil.. hehe

[ghostdandp.livejournal.com]

mail that is.. copy.. in...the...mail...

need sleep

[megpie71.livejournal.com]

Dear Sir,

Firstly, in order to be able to install software, it needs to be compatible with your operating system. There is usually an indication of which systems the software is compatible with in the "about" information.

Secondly, the decision as to which systems the software will be compatible with is made at the developer level, based on the likelihood that users of this particular OS will want to obtain it. Windows 98 is currently 8 years old, and has been superceded at least twice by newer versions of the MS Windows operating systems. It is not a profitable sector of the market to aim for, and our developers therefore do not see the point in wasting their time and efrfort in trying to write something for it.

Thirdly, the most effective firewall for Windows 98 available at this present time is a wetware one - it's called your brain. Alternatively, if you really wish to protect yourself from nasty things like viruses, spam and similar, you could try disconnecting the modem cable or network cable from your PC. This will, admittedly, make it harder for you to surf to www.phwoarlookatthatitsonthat.com, but one can't have everything.

If this offends you, I strongly suggest you start looking at the prices of new computer systems in your area, so you don't have to be offended any longer. Here's a clue: Apple produce some very nice stuff.

Yours sincerely,
Megpie71, tech bitch.

[trixtah.livejournal.com]

Heh. Teh win, with extra bonus points for analogy-wielding. :-)

[hisamishness.livejournal.com]

The continuing usefulness of Windows 98 is as questionable as your apparent lineage and cognitive capacity. Even thinking about suporting Windows 98 in current versions of our software takes more company resources than we could recoupe from the 3 or 4 people like you who still expect their "top of the line, $2500 computer" from 1999 to fire up again each morning.

Until you give your piece of museum fodder a proper, honorable burial in the neighborhood landfill and come home with something new*, I encourage you to go away lest I taunt you once more.

* "new" equals retail new, not a 2000 or 2001 vintage system with Windows ME from the pawn shop.

[kepplah.livejournal.com]

Dear [L]user,

Thank you for bringing this oversight to my attention. I have used my god given powers of persuasion and multiple 12-packs of mountain dew to persuade our dev team to fill this hole. We have created a new Windows 98-only firewall. We apologize for the 8 year delay in bringing this product to the market.

see attached installer

[attachement: exe to changer user's host file to point to goatse or some sorta trojan or any number of fun executables, the number of flaws you can exploit only increased when you're talking about winders 98. ]

[notthebuddha.livejournal.com]

Amen! I keep my son's PC on Win98 because some of his favorites won't run on WinXP, but most non-FPS PC games released in the past year still run on Win98.

I wish I could have finished that Win98-boot-from-RAM-drive idea...

[c0c0c0.livejournal.com]

Why would you send him a copy of yourself? ;)

[azurelunatic]

Your Win98 box will be protected at the bottom of the stairs. May I suggest some fine Linux instead?

[tnjade.livejournal.com]

On my birthday, too! I asked if I was allowed to tell Windows 98 users that we couldn't support them anymore, but that request was denied. :(

[ihateemo.livejournal.com]

I downloaded your firewall for windows 98, said it wasnt compatible..why is this??? windows 98users need protection also.

Our firewall is no longer compatible with Windows 98, and has not been since [date].

Tech support needs protection from Windows 98 users also.

Kind regards,

:)

[irishmasms.livejournal.com]

agreed.

and trying WINE on Linux for some of those games? for get it - even though Linux would run fine on that hardware.

[anamacha.livejournal.com]

O RLY?

[jayrtfm.livejournal.com]

Of course we have a version for Windows 98, but it's a special order, not available as a download. We will ship it on your choice of media, 8 inch floppies, 9 track magnetic tape, or punchcards.

dear user...

[gev.livejournal.com]

get an external firewall.

personal note: I still have a 98se box running on a celeron
300a with no fan, decent video card that gives me 1600x1200.
sure, I'll upgrade soon, but it's hardly imperative, as it
is not my only box. :)

[evilbill1782.livejournal.com]

"Because Windows 98 sucks donkey dick, now screw off and stop wasting my time." ;)