What would TS do?

[the-s-guy.livejournal.com]

It's my last day in the TS business.

Suggestions? :>

Comments

[lordstorm.livejournal.com]

- If the helpdesk machines use PS/2-based mice and keyboards, switch the plugs around in the back of the machines;
- Stick blue-tack un the optical receiver of your TL's/supervisor's/manager's mouse and change their keyboard layout to Dvorak;
- Change the screensaver on the TL's/supervisor's/manager's machine to a fake BSOD message or a screendump/kernel panic;
- Drink all the milk/coke in the shared fridge except for one last swallow;
- Burn cheese in the kitchen grill ("accidently" of course), the smell hangs around for ages;
- Rig a line of fishing wire to the back entrance and see which poor addict who sneaks out for a smoke trips over your makeshift tripwire;
- Change the hold music on the phone system to "Classic lovesongs and dedications", or the local death-metal/grindcore station, you choose which is more offensive to your customerbase;
- Dab a bit of honey on the manager's doorknob;
- Change the IP of the print server, so when the helpdesk morons complain they can't print, you demonstate that you can (since you changed the settings on your workstation to use the new IP previously, of course);
- Flip the manager the bird on the way out!

All rather harmless, except maybe the last one. ;)

[knittinggoddess.livejournal.com]

don't hold back when dealing with stupid people! Tell them how you really feel!

[gilmoure.livejournal.com]

Fart. A lot.

[loosechanj.livejournal.com]

Put decaf in the regular pot.

Hell, I do that anyway. But then I don't drink coffee.

[attackgypsy.livejournal.com]

Take everyone's task bar and move it from the bottom to the side or the top.

Sit back and laugh.

[irishmasms.livejournal.com]

burn every bridge..

[kizayaen.livejournal.com]

1) Tell every single person who calls that their problem is a bad router. No matter the issue. Refer to OEM for further TSing.

2) Answer every question with "I don't know."

3) Transfer every call you receive back into the queue.

4) Pretend you have Tourette's. Be very apologetic to the people you cuss out. Note that your goddamned manager just couldn't fucking not hire you because shit, that woulda made him look discriminatory.

5) Ignore your phone, your queue, and your coworkers. Just play web sudoku for your entire shift. When somebody asks you for something, say "Okay." and then ignore them. When they say they need it now, say "Okay." and then go back to sudoku. Resist the temptation to actually do anything.

6) Call up your own helpline and act like a retarded client.

[sid-dslaci.livejournal.com]

When doing this, don't forget to set the taskbar to auto-hide!

Also, high-quality scotch tape makes for lots of great quick gags. Tape down phone switchhooks so that lifting the handset doesn't actually connect the call. Tape the optical sensor on mice (just a little bit of ink right under the sensor completes the effect, and done right can go undetected even upon cursory inspection. I love the rebooting, and the checking of the cables, and the replacing of the mice.

[redqueenmeg.livejournal.com]

Find some really complicated tech problem and take it to your Boss^3? (the call center manager one). Watch as they squirm in the knowledge that all they know how to do is monitor queues, if that.

Print out one of the HR manuals, like some stupid policy you don't like. Print the whole thing. Cut it up into paper snowflakes. Hang them from fishing line. Purty!

[fearrett.livejournal.com]

Tell everyone to box up their computer and go buy a cat.

[the-s-guy.livejournal.com]

One thing I *am* doing is using my knowledge for evil.

After seven years in this team, I know how to cut call times to the bone. How to make callers shut up, how to make them give information, exactly when it will be quicker to do it myself, and every single excuse for referring them to someone else (usually their manager).

Today, it's evil time. Every call will take as long as possible, and consist of one minute logging, ten seconds logging, and half an hour surfing the net while the caller runs around getting "required information", bugging other people, rebooting...

Usually, I take twice as many calls as anyone else. Today I might even slip down to within telescope distance of 'average'.

Calls taken in this job: About 8000 per year. Adding in all the other TS jobs I've held for other divisions of this employer probably brings the total to around 100,000 (including one gig where I took about 25,000 calls in one year).

Time for a break, I think.

[110billion.livejournal.com]

Transfer all your calls to Pizza Hut.

[duality.livejournal.com]

3) Transfer every call you receive back into the queue.

we've both seen that one in action.

5) Ignore your phone, your queue, and your coworkers. Just play web sudoku for your entire shift. When somebody asks you for something, say "Okay." and then ignore them. When they say they need it now, say "Okay." and then go back to sudoku. Resist the temptation to actually do anything.

you're talking about the waste of oxygen next to you aren't you.

[blossomingfire.livejournal.com]

Answer the phone "This is X, how do you suck it?"

[jecook]

If they've left their systems unlocks, "baggy pants" them.

Oh wait, I do that on general principles regardless... ::evil grin::

[jecook]

Park an etherkiller in an unused cubicle on a cheap 24 hour timer and set it for the start of when your shift starts. Make damn sure you don't get seen.

[dysan27.livejournal.com]

and by etherkiller you mean one of these?

[anamacha.livejournal.com]

YOU WIN

[goose-entity.livejournal.com]

plumb keyboard A into computer B and vice versa

swap around keys on the keyboard and set the mapping to something else - like, make the keyboard AZERTY instead of QWERTY, mapped to Swahili

popcorn. Microwave. Timer. Capisce?

[dysan27.livejournal.com]

It's just your standard BOFH ethernet killer, though this model tends to also bring down the power circuits in the area too.

[dysan27.livejournal.com]

Basicly, though I think the plan normaly is to plug it into a switch/router and drop the whole network.

As the original commentor suggested it makes a great going away presant connected to a standard light timer.