Oh I'm getting the crackers tonight...

[jahbulon.livejournal.com]

Twice tonight I've been sworn at by a couple of retarded aussie cockheads. I don't mind swearing, Fuck, I swear all the fuckin time. But you and I both know that it is the goddamn arse-bleating principle of the cockramming thing. When they start to swear at us they cross the line between service and 'just talkin to some dude'. fuckpiece.


#1 Mr "I'm not fucking swearing"

cust wants to know why his account is suspended
cust is swearing at me
adv cust do not swear at me or I will terminate the call
adv cust remain calm and I will attempt to assist

adv cust the CC was unable to be debited
cust swears at me again
adv cust this is last warning, if cust swears again I will end call
cust adv he isn't swearing at me, he is swearing at the company
cust swears at me again
ended call

this guy started the call complaining about the 25 minute wait time. Lucky for him, by the time I hung up on him the queue wait time was only 35 minutes! I'm sure he made the right decision.


#2 Mr "I can't see my modem so you're a useless bastard"

Win XP - dlink 300 series of some type

cust adv connection has stopped working
asked cust what lights are lit up on modem
cust adv some of them are, one of them went out a few moments ago

adv cust I need him to look at the markings on the front of the modem and read out which ones are lit up
cust adv he cannot see the modem, it is too far away and too dark
adv cust get a light and move closer to the modem

cust adv he cannot
cust wants to know why connection stopped working
cust thinks it is a problem on our end because he finds it hard to believe that something that was working a second ago will suddenly have stopped working

adv cust there could be any number of problems with the system, from the exchange, to the phone line, to the equipment in his house
adv cust before we can lodge any kind of fault we must run through basic troubleshooting steps
adv cust will need to look at the modem and tell me firstly the exact type of modem and secondly which lights are lit up

cust refusing to troubleshoot, insisting the problem is at our end
adv I cannot determine that without some basic information from himself
cust calls me a useless bastard and hangs up...

you'd think, when presented with a dilemma such as: The thing I need to look at is a short distance away and is not illuminated enough : A more evolved primate, such as an orangutan or human, would.. gee I dunno.. move closer to it with a light source. Some people, obviously need it spelled out. And we... we.. we support those people. Dear god.

Comments

[thecolorblue.livejournal.com]

first off, i love your icon. second, this is exactly the same shit i put up with. like...if you're going to hit a button on your router, maybe you should move over toward the damn thing? why do i have to explain that twice to people? how is it possible they have gotten this far in life without figuring out the basic principles of physics?

[jahbulon.livejournal.com]

I was astounded at that one... I asked him
"Could you read the markings on the lights for me please?"
He says "No!" Like it's a self-evident fact, I should realise he is incapable of doing so.
"Why is that?"
"Because its at the back of the table and it's dark!" Said like this problem is completely insurmountable, a natural law like entropy - This modem cannot be seen!! and I'm seven types of retarded for not gleaning this immediately, perhaps through some sort of osmotic-sight effect through the phone line.

I couldn't believe that I had to say "Well perhaps you could turn a light on and move closer to the modem..?"

This job is killing me.

[thecolorblue.livejournal.com]

yeah...i had some user do that same thing to me. he said he couldn't see the router because it was under his desk and he's too old to bend down and look at it. i can't help a customer without knowing a) what the model of the router is (um...duh) and b) what the serial number is.

[harry-whodunnit.livejournal.com]

What I always found weird was the users who would rather cancel their account than get down on the floor and look at the router. "I know, I'll sign up with a different ISP so new account magic will fix my problem!"

[thecolorblue.livejournal.com]

yeah...i call that "the grass is always greener" solution.

[pantherchild.livejournal.com]

~My theory is that when some people encoutner computers, the Common Sense switch in their mind flips to OFF. So, they treat every issue like it's something they've never encountered before ("The error says...something about a page being encrypted? Is that bad?") and react accordingly. They've decided that a tech support lacky Knows All and holds all the answers, so this lacky should be able to fix all their problems with a sweep of their hand.

~Thus the 'you can't fix it from there and I have to actually MOVE?!' response.

~I hate people. :-) ~

[kizayaen.livejournal.com]

That ties in very well to my Magic Theory.

This is, quite simply, the theory that we all wield powerful magic.

"I'm missing some data from my sales reports."
"Okay. Do you have your reports open?"
"Uh.... no, I'm in the car and my laptop is at home."
"Right then. To the Magic Wand we go. One wave and you'll be all fixed by the time you get home."

[pantherchild.livejournal.com]

~HAHAHAAAA.

~I want a Magic Wand.

~Or a very long stick. *grins evilly* ~

[kizayaen.livejournal.com]

It sometimes occurs to me that the two are not mutually exclusive.

[jahbulon.livejournal.com]

LOL new account magic