My 3 Rules

[wolffsekunde.livejournal.com]

Fellow Bobs, I give to you my 3 rules for an informed customer[1] when calling into support. Feel free to modify or addend as you see fit.

1. Please for the love of $deity have all your questions ready. I don't want to have to ask you how I can help you only to hear 5 minutes of "uh" and "uhm."[2] Know what you want to ask because, oddly enough, you called me[3] and so you should know why you did so.

2. We're here to help you, we really are. But after we help you we'd like to get off the phone and get on with our jobs, be it helping someone else or finishing that game of Minesweeper. Giving us "as long as I have you on the phone, I think there was something else I wanted to ask you"[4] only enrages and frustrates us and I promise the answers you get from there out will not be quality, whatever that is.

3. Do not, under ANY circumstances, threaten to leave us and go to $competition. We don't care[5]. Go[6]. Leave[7]. At our level we won't see any negative effect of you leaving, only that you'll no longer be calling us and there's nothing bad with that.


[1] See: sheeple.
[2] And err, erm, erp, hmmm, hooom, hummm and the like.
[3] Unfortunately.
[4] Followed by regression to #1
[5] We really don't!
[6] Now!
[7] As quickly as possible.