(no subject)

[the-paco.livejournal.com]

Dear Level One Agents:
It's Christmas Eve. I only have an hour and a half before I get to go home. Please don't make my head hurt.
Thanks,
Paco

*15 minutes later*
Agent: "The customer is connected in the Westell modem, but we get 'unable to access the network' when we try to go somewhere."
Paco: (*this is simple, I'll remind the agent to find the IP and they'll figure it out!*) "What's the customers IP address? Find it by going to status then connection summary."
Agent: "Let me check."
*7 minutes worth of soft-guitar renditions of 'we wish you a merry christmas'*
Agent: "The customers IP is 192.168.1.47"
Paco: (*sigh. Noobs*) "No, that's the IP they're getting from the modem on the system. What's the INTERNET IP address the customer is getting in the modem? You find it by doing blah, remember."
Agent: "That's they're IP address."
Paco: "Okay. That is not an internet routable IP address, that's an internal IP address assigned by the modem to the system. There is another IP from the internet that we need to know. Find it out in the modem."
Agent: "Okay. Let me put you on hold."
*2 minutes of the agent holding me on MUTE. Not hold.*
Agent: "The customer doesn't recognize any of those IP addresses you're giving?"
Paco: "It might help to actually CHECK with the customer, rather than just putting me on mute."
Agent: "Sir. I-."
Paco: "Look. Go to your helpdesk, we have the GUI laid out for that modem. Go fnah do huh and blah."
Agent: "Okay."
*4 more minutes of hold music, broken by Paco standing in his section and saying "Don't you &*@*! lie to me, you worthless little lazy $(%*!! Just because you're dumber than a sack of dead babies, don't think I am, too!" to his muted, uncaring phone.*
Agent: "The customers IP address is 10.x.x.x."
Paco: "Excellent. What's that tell you?"
Agent: "... they should be connected?"
Paco: "It means they have an invalid username/password in the modem. Troubleshoot for that."
Agent: "Thank you!"
Paco: "Dur-hey!"

Dear Agents:
Die.
Love,
Paco