Kill them? But who would I walk on?

[the-paco.livejournal.com]

I never realized my job would let me encounter and try to bolster the weaklings that are many ordinary techs. You know, the ones who last only 3 months and get pulled out on gurneys. My god, how pathetic. I've acted like that, I remember acting like that about some things, and now I know why I was such a moody little shit back in the day (as opposed to the well-adjusted immense pile of fecal matter who posts before you). But rather than steal the contents of the wallets of these little wind-blown reeds of indecisive wheat, whose every move is begging for a quick and violent harvest, I help them. I manage to pick them up, dust them off, strap on an Acme Port-a-pair, and send them back in to deal badly with their intellectual betters (and saying that about the customers is the worst insult I can give the tech). I can be a dick by proxy, using the techs as my soft, fluffy protective sock over the end of the cudgel of uncaring truth and fact. I can no longer directly hear the customers scream in anguish (usually), but I get to hear the tech squeal when I hit them. Occasionally one doesn't squeal, but rings like a chime, and I know who to keep an eye on for promotion.

I feel like 1/10th R. Lee Ermy (the drill instructor from Full Metal Jacket), and not even the hat bit. I'd totally be the hat if they let me verbally hand these techs their little bundle of emotions, worries, and whines back to them on a bloody pike like I know I CAN. Nope, I'm probably the sock.

But I'm moving up. A few more months, maybe a year of this, and then I want to shoot for supervisor, or something more. I don't care. As long as it's UP. Maybe someday I can be the hat.

All hail the hat.

Comments

[coyoteden.livejournal.com]

"Acme Port-a-pair"

Now that's a mental image. Of course, being Acme brand, they will malfunction spectacularly. That's an even worse image.

[greylady.livejournal.com]

Pfft. You can force Acme to bend to your whim if you work it right... and sacrifice a metaphorical chicken or two...

of course, if you can make Acme work properly, you probably don't need the Acme Port-a-pair...

[kalium.livejournal.com]

Sacrifice a rubber chicken.

[greylady.livejournal.com]

My rubber chicken melted (let's not explore that). I sacrificed metaphorical chickens, or pictures of chickens, or ate chicken in homage...

it worked for me. ;)

[ravenshrinkery.livejournal.com]

I have days when sometimes I don't want to waste my time dealing with this chickenshit. Lusers are lusers and it's all pointless.

Other days, I'm just like you. I want to put on that campaign hat, put it to the brim of some whining asshat techs, and start telling it to them the way it is.

"YOU SCRAWNY LITTLE MAGGOT! YOU THINK YOU GOT A PAIR OF PEAS IN YOUR PANTS TO TELL THAT CUSTOMER THEY GOT NVCPL IN THEIR STARTUP AND THAT MEANS THEY GOT SPYWARE! YOU DISHONORABLE LITTLE FUCK! I THINK YOU OUGHTA JUST DIE FOR THAT LITTLE BATSHIT! you're going to get on that floor, and start sucking every last crumb out of the carpet until it's clean as the virgin mary's clothes, or i will PERSONALLY take those little peas of yours, MASH THEM, and shove them down your nostrils until they land back in place. NOW GET BACK ON THAT CALL AND FIX HER FUCKING PROBLEM RIGHT BEFORE THE END OF TIME, FATBODY!!!!!!!!!!11!!!1!ONE!!!1!"

I'll make an MP3 of that if anyone wants it :).

[the-paco.livejournal.com]

that's fucking great.

[ravenshrinkery.livejournal.com]

I felt so much better after writing that last night. I had a miserable day at work the day before with some utterly asshatted techs who were selling customers support for bullshit reasons (their warranties covered it, and we'd been having this problem for well over the last year, and they still haven't learned).

It's not our outsourcer, so our client should just start demanding they be fired for this happy horseshit already.