Dear middle managers -

[the-s-guy.livejournal.com]

You have whined and moaned about getting a laptop because you're just so important, even though it never leaves your desk except to be carried to meetings and other managerial meeting places where everyone else also brings their laptops that they never use. You have been given a laptop to shut you up, even though you don't need it and certainly don't deserve it.

So when you call us up three times a day whining because you can't figure out the login process (the one printed out in a brochure and handed to you), or have no idea that the NumLock had to be on before you can use a numeric password (despite the instructions covering this), and continue to call us up for the same reason over and over,

Don't be surprised when our tempers become a little short. No, we will not send a technician over to your building simply because you haven't been able to log on for the last hour. Yes, we will put you through every single possible test we can think of, and double-check and triple-check the settings you say you have entered. Because so far, every single one of your calls has come down to user error, not intermittant faults in the wiring or mysterious aliens who rewrite your laptop settings while you sleep.

No love,

Your IT department.

Comments

[daerlyn.livejournal.com]

"You mean something might be my fault? NEVAR!"

Heh. I have a user like this. Three times in the last two weeks she has not been able to log into her pc. Three times in the last week, I have dragged my butt to her workstation, typed in her username and password, and logged in with no trouble at all. :) At least she recognizes that this IS her fault, which makes it more amusing than aggravating.

[lions-tambua.livejournal.com]

oh. if the numpad doesnt work, take the keys above the keys marked with "qwertzuiop"

[the-s-guy.livejournal.com]

One of my less favorite examples of the above tried all kinds of tactics in the one call.

"Can't you send someone out?"
"I can escalate the issue to our onsite vendor... who will then return the job to me until I complete the troubleshooting. Or we could fix it now."

"But I can't carry another PC to this desk to test the network port, I have a bad back."
"Is there anyone else in your building who could carry a PC to your desk for two minutes to test that port?"
(Another PC 'magically' turned up sixty seconds later.)

"I've been having these problems all week."
"And every time you've called, our equipment appears to have been working perfectly."

It's the crawly boo-hoo-pity-me vibe that annoys me, I think. We're apparently supposed to feel so sorry for this guy that we send out people to do his work for him. In reality, all we see is someone who continually screws up their own tools and then wastes our time with purile whining.

[klytus.livejournal.com]

Rminds of some useless manager-type-person in a place I had 6 or 7 jobs ago (I hate the IT market sometimes!) She was given a laptop so she could work at home, but when at work, all she could do was complain about how it kept dropping her network connection. The laptop was loose in the docking station, so it would move, and drop her connection. The Help Desk must have replaced her laptop AND her docking station three times, each - and it never fixed the problem. She refused to believe she just wasn't putting them together firmly enough - the equipment was bad, and something had to be done about. It got to the point where they told her to shut up about it or they'd give her use a desktop.

The company went out of business several months later because of overall mis-management.

I now wonder if this wasn't some kind of clever ploy on her part to make sure she never had to do any actual work. Then again, this lady struck me as not being clever enough to remember change her rag at least once a month.

[basildestiny]

I was totally certain it was the aliens. Can't you just press you fix it button? What about waving your magical tech wand? Gah!