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Sep. 29th, 2005 08:51 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jecook posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
techrecoveryAlas, I did not find the material for the promised "this is the reason why we have severity levels" rant. Part of it was because I spent too much time in WoW leveling both my charecters, and it was not in my quick access file this morning when I looked. ::cowers:: I shall endevour to find this document on Friday, which I have off.
I did found some documents which hopefully provide "some form" of amusement. (and then performed a google search on to locate th electronic text...)
Selected Oracularities from digest #660...
--- 660-02 ---------------------------------------------------------------
Selected-By: nolan@helios.unl.edu (Harold the Foot)
The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> Let us suppose we could (and did) raise the mean (or median if it
> matters to the answer) educational level in the United States to, oh
> say post doctoral levels. Who would serve us our Big Macs?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} Postal employees.
--- 660-05 ---------------------------------------------------------------
Selected-By: "Carole S. Fungaroli" <csf7m@faraday.clas.virginia.edu>
The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> Which is fastest chip you can get for a 386?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} The fastest chip for a 386 is of course the California HIghway
} Patrol'S Eric Estrada Chip. It normally doesn't function over 55 MHZ
} except in pursuit mode when it can reach 120.
}
} More affordable is the Disney 386-Chip-and-Dale. It functions well
} when chased by large talking ducks, but is often distracted when it
} smells nuts.
}
} Another consideration is the 386-Chip Douglas. It is the fastest in
} the My-3-son's line of high performance chips, the Uncle Charlie
} being the lowest and surliest of the group.
}
} The Tony Randall Eagle-chip is also on the forefront of chip
} technology.
}
} --You owe the Oracle one order of Fish and Chips. It's lunchtime.
--- 660-09 ---------------------------------------------------------------
Selected-By: "Carole S. Fungaroli" <csf7m@faraday.clas.virginia.edu>
The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> Oh great creature of immense worldly knowledge...
>
> I ate too much of my dad's chili this winter, and I still have
> heartburn. What should I do?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} Alas, poor supplicant, your dad used a chili recipe from the wrong book
} this year. No wonder you still have heartburn:
}
} 1/4 cup poisoned entrails
} 1 large toad
} 1 lb fenny snake fillet
} 1/8 lb newt eye
} 1/8 lb frog toe
} 1 tbsp bat wool
} 1/4 lb dog tongue
} 1/8 lb adder tongue
} 2 tsp blind-worm sting
} 1/2 lb lizard leg
} 1 tbsp howlet wing
} 1/3 cup dragon scale
} 1/4 lb wolf teeth
} 1 lb shark
} 2 tbsp hemlock
} 2 lb liver
} 1/2 lb goat gall-bladder
} 1 tbsp yew
} 1/4 lb nose
} 1/4 lb lips
} 1/8 lb finger
} 1/2 lb tiger
} 3 cups baboon blood
}
} Keep the large toad under a cold stone for a month, dig the hemlock
} root in the dark, buy the liver from a reform Jewish deli, and cut
} the yew during a lunar eclipse.
}
} When the cat mews 3 times and the hedgehog whines 4 times, boil the
} toad for 5 minutes in a charmed pot. Add the poisoned entrails and toad
} to a large cauldron. Boil for another 5 minutes, and then add the rest
} of the ingredients, except for the baboon blood, and stir well. Boil
} for 15 minutes and then remove from heat and add the baboon blood.
}
} This is the recipe your dad should have used:
}
} 2 lbs dry pinto beans
} 1/2 lb salt pork
} 1/4 cup fresh cilantro
} 5 jalepeno peppers
} 10 garlic cloves
} 2 medium onions
} 1 tbsp salt
} 3 tbsp chili powder
} 1 tbsp cumin
} 2 tsp oregano
}
} Soak the beans overnight. Chop the cilantro and onions, and cut the
} pork into small pieces. Mix all the ingredients and bring to a boil.
} Once boiling, turn the heat to low and let cook all day.
}
} I suggest that you seek medical attention immediately, and advise your
} dad to be more careful in the future.
}
} You owe the Oracle a copy of "Bill Can Cook!"
I did found some documents which hopefully provide "some form" of amusement. (and then performed a google search on to locate th electronic text...)
Selected Oracularities from digest #660...
--- 660-02 ---------------------------------------------------------------
Selected-By: nolan@helios.unl.edu (Harold the Foot)
The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> Let us suppose we could (and did) raise the mean (or median if it
> matters to the answer) educational level in the United States to, oh
> say post doctoral levels. Who would serve us our Big Macs?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} Postal employees.
--- 660-05 ---------------------------------------------------------------
Selected-By: "Carole S. Fungaroli" <csf7m@faraday.clas.virginia.edu>
The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> Which is fastest chip you can get for a 386?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} The fastest chip for a 386 is of course the California HIghway
} Patrol'S Eric Estrada Chip. It normally doesn't function over 55 MHZ
} except in pursuit mode when it can reach 120.
}
} More affordable is the Disney 386-Chip-and-Dale. It functions well
} when chased by large talking ducks, but is often distracted when it
} smells nuts.
}
} Another consideration is the 386-Chip Douglas. It is the fastest in
} the My-3-son's line of high performance chips, the Uncle Charlie
} being the lowest and surliest of the group.
}
} The Tony Randall Eagle-chip is also on the forefront of chip
} technology.
}
} --You owe the Oracle one order of Fish and Chips. It's lunchtime.
--- 660-09 ---------------------------------------------------------------
Selected-By: "Carole S. Fungaroli" <csf7m@faraday.clas.virginia.edu>
The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> Oh great creature of immense worldly knowledge...
>
> I ate too much of my dad's chili this winter, and I still have
> heartburn. What should I do?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} Alas, poor supplicant, your dad used a chili recipe from the wrong book
} this year. No wonder you still have heartburn:
}
} 1/4 cup poisoned entrails
} 1 large toad
} 1 lb fenny snake fillet
} 1/8 lb newt eye
} 1/8 lb frog toe
} 1 tbsp bat wool
} 1/4 lb dog tongue
} 1/8 lb adder tongue
} 2 tsp blind-worm sting
} 1/2 lb lizard leg
} 1 tbsp howlet wing
} 1/3 cup dragon scale
} 1/4 lb wolf teeth
} 1 lb shark
} 2 tbsp hemlock
} 2 lb liver
} 1/2 lb goat gall-bladder
} 1 tbsp yew
} 1/4 lb nose
} 1/4 lb lips
} 1/8 lb finger
} 1/2 lb tiger
} 3 cups baboon blood
}
} Keep the large toad under a cold stone for a month, dig the hemlock
} root in the dark, buy the liver from a reform Jewish deli, and cut
} the yew during a lunar eclipse.
}
} When the cat mews 3 times and the hedgehog whines 4 times, boil the
} toad for 5 minutes in a charmed pot. Add the poisoned entrails and toad
} to a large cauldron. Boil for another 5 minutes, and then add the rest
} of the ingredients, except for the baboon blood, and stir well. Boil
} for 15 minutes and then remove from heat and add the baboon blood.
}
} This is the recipe your dad should have used:
}
} 2 lbs dry pinto beans
} 1/2 lb salt pork
} 1/4 cup fresh cilantro
} 5 jalepeno peppers
} 10 garlic cloves
} 2 medium onions
} 1 tbsp salt
} 3 tbsp chili powder
} 1 tbsp cumin
} 2 tsp oregano
}
} Soak the beans overnight. Chop the cilantro and onions, and cut the
} pork into small pieces. Mix all the ingredients and bring to a boil.
} Once boiling, turn the heat to low and let cook all day.
}
} I suggest that you seek medical attention immediately, and advise your
} dad to be more careful in the future.
}
} You owe the Oracle a copy of "Bill Can Cook!"
