FISH?!?!?!

[purrrsephone.livejournal.com]

Spoke to some people today who prove my point that HELMETS should be sent out as part of our company's DSL users' equipment when they sign up for a new account.

I was speaking to an elderly couple we'll call the Smiths...if for no other reason than I really like that band. Mr. Smith is sitting at his L-shaped office desk calling me on a cordless phone, using his new Dell PC and it is hooked up to a Westell Versalink 327w modem/router gateway in the primary Ethernet port. Five feet away from Mr. Smith--sitting at the same L-shaped desk and talking to me along with her husband on a DIFFERENT cordless phone--is Mrs. Smith, working on her older Gateway PC that is wired into the last Ethernet port in her modem.

The problem that the Smiths are calling in about is related to setting up their email in Outlook Express. More specifically, Mr. Smith has their primary account setup in Outlook Express just fine on his Dell and can send and receive email without any problems, however Mrs. Smith tries to setup Outlook Express for the same email address with the same settings and does not get any error messages, but does not get any messages in.

Nevermind the fact that Mrs. Smith continued to talk over Mr. Smith when he attempted to explain the problem (regardless of the fact that he knew what the fuck he was talking about and she didn't), or the fact that she asked the same question a billion different ways over the course of 20 useless, unproductive minutes, what really got me...was the FISH.

ME: "I need to ask you a couple questions about your setup there, okay?"
MR: "Ok-"
MRS: "Sure thing, fire away, dear!"
ME: "What type of modem are you folks working with today?"
MR: "The Wes-"
MRS: "Are we working on WHAT?!"
ME: "I'm sorry, ma'am...the box we sent you guys to connect your computers to so they get online. Can you see what brand it is?"
MR: "Yeah, it's a-"
MRS: "The whaaa?! Oh, like...the FISH?!"
ME: "Uh...ma'am?"
MRS: "You know...the FISH...it's that queer little blinky box you guys gave us. You know...the FISH!"
MR: (I hear him groan in the background)
ME: "Um...RIGHT. So, does your 'fish' have a name? Like if you look on the front or the top of it, does it show a word anywhere?"
MRS: "(pauses) Well, what do you know, (hubby)? Our fish is named 'Westell'! (laughs)"
ME: "Is that a...Westell 327w Fish, by any chance?"
MRS: "Well...yeah. How'd you know?"
ME: "Oh, just took a lucky guess...now that I know which one you're using-"
MRS: "Which fish? Which fish I'm using? Now, do you folks call it a fish too over there at (COMPANY), or do you call it something else? Because it looks like a fish, I figured everyone would call it a fish. Do you guys call it a fish?"
ME: "Actually, we call that a 'modem,' Mrs. Smith. And know that I know your type of modem, I'd like to-"
MRS: "What does my fish have to do with the email that's not showing up? Why can't I get my email?"
ME: *great big effing HEADDESK"

Again...helmets...necessary...like WHOA.
Why can't other people see this?!

X-posted to: techsupport & purrrsephone

Comments

[axessdenyd.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure she's seen a fish before.

[jecook]

I feel stupider just reading this.

Now, I know that some elderly folk have issues with the latest and greatest, but this is just plain dumb.

At least the problem was obvious. ::snicker::

[mineral777.livejournal.com]

does she know what a fish looks like. I work on those modems often and they look nothing like a FISH. They look like a box. Do her fish come in boxes? They should either issue you helmets or the ability to send people back to pencil and paper where they feel more comfortable and spare the equipment the pain of being used by them.

[tecie.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

You just made my job seem better.

[pope-guilty.livejournal.com]

They must be confusing it with the Haddock 328fugu, which comes with scales and four ethernet ports. They're tasty, but the wireless transmitter is poisonous, and so the Haddock 328fugu must be prepared by a specially trained chef.

[110billion.livejournal.com]

The only fish-related animal-looking modem I've ever seen is the Alcatel Speedtouch USB

linky linky (http://images.google.com.au/images?q=speedtouch%20usb&hl=en&hs=cgV&lr=&client=firefox-a&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&sa=N&tab=wi)

[infy.livejournal.com]

Tell her, "We're sorry, but it appears your fish has died. Could you please give it a proper burial by flushing it down the toilet and giving it a few nice words as it departs this realm for another?"

[frit.livejournal.com]

I wonder if you do tech support for the same company I do. These people totally sound like the customers we get and we send out the same modem. :D

[mineral777.livejournal.com]

*spits mountian out nose*
Personally I prefer the Halibut 5,000 it is not as dangerous as the haddock however they are much tastier to eat but the downside is that it doesn't have wireless and the for eternet ports offer spotty internet and are a choking hazard.

well played by the way. well played.

Well...

[purrrsephone.livejournal.com]

...that depends, now doesn't it?

Does your company start with "V" and usually end with bloodshed, tears, and aneurisms?

Re: Well...

[frit.livejournal.com]

ROFL

Yeah. LOL Stupid company. We've been petitioning for zap buttons on our keyboards. No luck yet.