564585!

[redqueenmeg.livejournal.com]

x-posted to customers_suck:

Names and passwords have been changed to protect the dumbf*ck:

Him: "I need my password reset."

Me: "OK, what's your username?"

Him: "D.E. Lynch."

Me: "Your username has dots in it?"

Him: "What?"

Me: "Your username has periods in it? I have not seen that in our naming conventions before."

Him: "I don't know what you are talking about."

Me: "Your username?"

Him: "D.E. Lynch."

*I look up username. it is lynchde*

Me: "OK, could you please verify your username, your userID, your login name? You know, how you login?"

Him: "I don't know what you mean."

Me: "What does it say on the page for your username?"

Him: "Nothing."

Me: "What did you just try to login as?"

Him: "564585."

Me: "No, not what you think your password was, your USERNAME?"

Him: "564585."

*sigh*

Me: "OK, your username actually shows as lynchde. Does that sound familiar?"

Him: "Oh, yeah."

Me: "All right. Now, what domain do you login to?"

Him: "564585."

Me: "No, I was wondering, what does it say for your domain on that page?"

Him: "564585."

Me: "No, the domain field, underneath the password field."

Him: "Nothing."

Me: "It's blank?"

Him: "Yes."

Me: "It can't be blank. There is a drop-down list there. It always shows something."

Him: (TO OTHER COLLEAGUE) "Go back to that there page there."

*pause, as I realize he was never on the page at any point during our call*

*He names actual domain*

Me: "OK, now, in January, we set a restriction that the password must be at least eight characters."

Him: "Yeah, mine is 564585."

Me: "I'm not able to look up passwords, only reset them, but your password was last set on April 28, so it could not be only six characters. Are you able to recall what it was set to then?"

Him: "Yep. 564585."

Me: "All right, that is only six characters. If you don't remember your password, I can reset it to something else. It must be at least eight characters. What would you like it to be?"

Him: "564585."

Me: "It must be at least eight characters."

Him: "EIGHT?! When did that happen?"

Me: "In January, they changed the limits. And your password was changed by you on April 28, so it must then have been changed to something with eight characters."

Him: "Can't you just make it 564585?"

Me: "No, unfortunately, it will not let me reset it to something shorter than eight characters."

Etc...

Comments

[kailiia.livejournal.com]

mmm stupidity runs amok.

[blackrat.livejournal.com]

I feel your pain. Regularly I have to deal with such delights as this, as well as these other two (depressingly) frequent gems:

Users not grasping that they cannot use the same password within a 12 month period, despite the numerous times we have informed them of this.

Users claiming they have "changed their username", but that their password has remained the same.

All in all, it makes you want to go help Mr.Darwin by use of a shotgun! ^_^

[jecook]

Or the Chainsaw of Natural Selection.

[ladynisa.livejournal.com]

Ahh, the trusty chainsaw. Always a favorite.

[valiskeogh.livejournal.com]

christ, that reminds me of the "who's on first" skit...

[jacobine.livejournal.com]

Are you sure you aren't me? This is so exactly the conversation I have so many times.

Except mine also includes such lovely things as: It needs to be at least 8 characters long... no, sorry, it cannot start with a number on the as400....

[the-s-guy.livejournal.com]

Ever get the feeling that we're too polite to people? No, seriously, who listens to someone being polite? Perhaps if we threatened ever five minutes to skin their children alive and insert snapping weasels into their exposed organs, or just started RANDOMLY SCREAMING at callers, their survival instincts would kick in and they'd listen to commands.

[redqueenmeg.livejournal.com]

Fortunately (?), 99% of my customers wouldn't know what an AS400 was if it bit them on the ass.

[redqueenmeg.livejournal.com]

Like all comedy, it's funny if it isn't happening to you at the time. :)

[infy.livejournal.com]

"Realist help desk - we're here to help you, not to coddle you and pretend we care. Press "1" now to begin billing - charges may fluctuate depending on just how much of an annoying stupid and belligerent fuckw!t you are. Thank you and have a nice day."

[rrrebo.livejournal.com]