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Jun. 23rd, 2005 10:08 am![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
the-paco.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
techrecoveryIf you're old, buy a louder phone. End of story. Don't sit there in your wrinkly denial and say 'What? What? What?' I'm about to pull some
"Say what again. SAY WHAT AGAIN! I dare you, I double dare you, motherfucker! Say what one more goddamn time!"
I can't fucking stand people that can't handle simple computer tasks with instruction, but a special dislike is saved for rambling, bitchy, stubborn elderly people who can't shut the hell up about the war and how they never had to take this crap from ENIAC-online long enough for me to tell them that putting the mouse up their ass and farting it on the keyboard may not be the best way to enter a case sensitive password.
And the "What, what, what?" It means get a HEARING AID, you worn out old fuck! You want to hold the paper 3-feet away to read it, that's fine, but I'm tired of losing my voice because you were too busy blasting out your ears with that new 'Ray-Dee-Oh' thing back in your fucking twenties to pay attention to proper aural safety. Alright? Get with the program, get a real phone, and stop fucking calling me. Call your goddamned grandkids or something. Maybe they'll put you in a home where they'll drug you up and hand you an Etch-a-Sketch, since it's all you seem to be able to handle.
Being old doesn't mean you earn any bonus points. 6 billion people are on this planet getting older right now. Survival ain't the big thing it used to be.
If you're a stoner:
Gotcha. Hey stoner. FUCK you. If you smoke 8 bowls a day and then decide to call me, don't do it when you're so toked you can't find the fucking keyboard, you fucking retard. Don't sit there and giggle when I tell you to do something. You want this fixed? Then sit down, shut up, and try to get your last little brain cell wrapped around the concept of "DO WHAT I FUCKING SAY WHEN I SAY IT!" I know it's hard, but stop making your monitor into a bong long enough for me to get you back on to HighTimes.net. You fucking waste of sperm. I hope you die. I hope you walk your pale, stumbling, red-eyed ass out one morning and get hit by a fucking school bus, filled with cute little children, who will then become traumatized, gothy, suicidal, and ALSO die. You have no reason to live. You think drugs are cool, you think you are cool, you are NOT cool. Die. Nobody likes you or your shitty pot, you worthless little fuck. Go try crack, so when you sell your computer for 20 bucks worth of rat poison, I won't have to talk to you anymore, and the world will seem a little lighter.
Hey, guess what?
It's fucking BAD, alright? Don't fucking question me. Yes, the problem started when you put in DSL, because it's like hooking up a ferrari engine to a fucking PINTO, you ignorant fuck! You called, You asked, I answered, SHUT UP. It's not our fault you're too goddamned stupid to not punch a monkey when you're on AOL, you baboon-raping retard.
What the FUCK? Is this Octogenarian Day? How the fuck do they universally not know shit about their fucking computers? RED DOT! UPPER CORNER! I'M TEARING MY FUCKING EYES OUT TRYING TO COME UP WITH A WAY TO EXPLAIN IT TO YOU, OLD MAN! UPPER, CORNER!
45 minutes to get to network preferences, make a new location, switch to Built-In Ethernet, Hit Apply Now, Get an IP of 192.168.1.47 (JESUS CHRIST, AYE-FUCKING-PEE OLD MAN! AYE-FUCKING-PEE!), Force AOL login to quit, and restart the computer. FORTY FIVE GODDAMNED MINUTES! If you're above 70 and you're reading this and you don't know how to fucking exit an application in macintosh, DIE! I DON'T FUCKING CARE WHY YOU CAN'T! I WANT YOU TO DIE! Die, stop driving 30 in a 50, stop bitching about the expensive drugs, stop fucking up my social security, and STOP FUCKING MAKING NOISE! When I get old I'm going to go skydiving with my 18 year old mistress, have sex on the way down, and let her pull her chute. I'm going to aim head-own and do my best to hit the pre-dug gravesite, and have people with rakes on hand in case I miss. THAT is fucking consideration! I'm NOT going to buy the latest and greatest overpriced Fischer-Price piece of fucking shit overgrown abacus on the fucking shelf, take it home, and spend FORTY-FIVE FUCKING MINUTES bugging some kid so I can play WEB-PONG with it. If you fucking do that, I hope an elephant shits on you! From an airplane! DIVE BOMBING!
Look here, cocksucker. You're calling ME for help getting DSL running. You're so goddamned stupid you can't even figure out a fucking PHONE CABLE, and you're talking to me as if you have ANY RIGHT to have an opinion. You do not.
I don't give a shit that Mac has a whole %4 of the market cornered.
I don't give a shit that without Mac Pixar would still be compiling "Toy Story" (Which was done on SPARCSTATIONS, ASS!)
I don't give a shit that you think our website should cater directly to your shitty Safari browser.
I don't give a shit about your fucking elitism.
I don't give a shit. Period. Shut the fuck up, take your %4 market share, and shove it up your ass sideways.
I want you to do two things with your sneering 'pro-apple' attitude while on my phone:
1) Eat shit.
2) Die.
Do it on the phone so I can hear your death rattle and happily say "Yay, another beret-wearing beatnik asshat is dead" in a sing-song voice.
Yeah, I know you think Apple is making big gains, but you know what? I like to live in 'reality', and the 'reality' of the situation is that I don't have any goddamn interest in your fucking opinions, call someone who isn't being paid to be polite to you. Asshole.
"Say what again. SAY WHAT AGAIN! I dare you, I double dare you, motherfucker! Say what one more goddamn time!"
I can't fucking stand people that can't handle simple computer tasks with instruction, but a special dislike is saved for rambling, bitchy, stubborn elderly people who can't shut the hell up about the war and how they never had to take this crap from ENIAC-online long enough for me to tell them that putting the mouse up their ass and farting it on the keyboard may not be the best way to enter a case sensitive password.
And the "What, what, what?" It means get a HEARING AID, you worn out old fuck! You want to hold the paper 3-feet away to read it, that's fine, but I'm tired of losing my voice because you were too busy blasting out your ears with that new 'Ray-Dee-Oh' thing back in your fucking twenties to pay attention to proper aural safety. Alright? Get with the program, get a real phone, and stop fucking calling me. Call your goddamned grandkids or something. Maybe they'll put you in a home where they'll drug you up and hand you an Etch-a-Sketch, since it's all you seem to be able to handle.
Being old doesn't mean you earn any bonus points. 6 billion people are on this planet getting older right now. Survival ain't the big thing it used to be.
If you're a stoner:
Gotcha. Hey stoner. FUCK you. If you smoke 8 bowls a day and then decide to call me, don't do it when you're so toked you can't find the fucking keyboard, you fucking retard. Don't sit there and giggle when I tell you to do something. You want this fixed? Then sit down, shut up, and try to get your last little brain cell wrapped around the concept of "DO WHAT I FUCKING SAY WHEN I SAY IT!" I know it's hard, but stop making your monitor into a bong long enough for me to get you back on to HighTimes.net. You fucking waste of sperm. I hope you die. I hope you walk your pale, stumbling, red-eyed ass out one morning and get hit by a fucking school bus, filled with cute little children, who will then become traumatized, gothy, suicidal, and ALSO die. You have no reason to live. You think drugs are cool, you think you are cool, you are NOT cool. Die. Nobody likes you or your shitty pot, you worthless little fuck. Go try crack, so when you sell your computer for 20 bucks worth of rat poison, I won't have to talk to you anymore, and the world will seem a little lighter.
Hey, guess what?
It's fucking BAD, alright? Don't fucking question me. Yes, the problem started when you put in DSL, because it's like hooking up a ferrari engine to a fucking PINTO, you ignorant fuck! You called, You asked, I answered, SHUT UP. It's not our fault you're too goddamned stupid to not punch a monkey when you're on AOL, you baboon-raping retard.
What the FUCK? Is this Octogenarian Day? How the fuck do they universally not know shit about their fucking computers? RED DOT! UPPER CORNER! I'M TEARING MY FUCKING EYES OUT TRYING TO COME UP WITH A WAY TO EXPLAIN IT TO YOU, OLD MAN! UPPER, CORNER!
45 minutes to get to network preferences, make a new location, switch to Built-In Ethernet, Hit Apply Now, Get an IP of 192.168.1.47 (JESUS CHRIST, AYE-FUCKING-PEE OLD MAN! AYE-FUCKING-PEE!), Force AOL login to quit, and restart the computer. FORTY FIVE GODDAMNED MINUTES! If you're above 70 and you're reading this and you don't know how to fucking exit an application in macintosh, DIE! I DON'T FUCKING CARE WHY YOU CAN'T! I WANT YOU TO DIE! Die, stop driving 30 in a 50, stop bitching about the expensive drugs, stop fucking up my social security, and STOP FUCKING MAKING NOISE! When I get old I'm going to go skydiving with my 18 year old mistress, have sex on the way down, and let her pull her chute. I'm going to aim head-own and do my best to hit the pre-dug gravesite, and have people with rakes on hand in case I miss. THAT is fucking consideration! I'm NOT going to buy the latest and greatest overpriced Fischer-Price piece of fucking shit overgrown abacus on the fucking shelf, take it home, and spend FORTY-FIVE FUCKING MINUTES bugging some kid so I can play WEB-PONG with it. If you fucking do that, I hope an elephant shits on you! From an airplane! DIVE BOMBING!
Look here, cocksucker. You're calling ME for help getting DSL running. You're so goddamned stupid you can't even figure out a fucking PHONE CABLE, and you're talking to me as if you have ANY RIGHT to have an opinion. You do not.
I don't give a shit that Mac has a whole %4 of the market cornered.
I don't give a shit that without Mac Pixar would still be compiling "Toy Story" (Which was done on SPARCSTATIONS, ASS!)
I don't give a shit that you think our website should cater directly to your shitty Safari browser.
I don't give a shit about your fucking elitism.
I don't give a shit. Period. Shut the fuck up, take your %4 market share, and shove it up your ass sideways.
I want you to do two things with your sneering 'pro-apple' attitude while on my phone:
1) Eat shit.
2) Die.
Do it on the phone so I can hear your death rattle and happily say "Yay, another beret-wearing beatnik asshat is dead" in a sing-song voice.
Yeah, I know you think Apple is making big gains, but you know what? I like to live in 'reality', and the 'reality' of the situation is that I don't have any goddamn interest in your fucking opinions, call someone who isn't being paid to be polite to you. Asshole.
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no subject
Date: 2005-06-23 06:16 pm (UTC)That's freaking awesome. :-)
no subject
Date: 2005-06-23 06:33 pm (UTC)Big 'ol AMEN coming from this Pew!
no subject
Date: 2005-06-23 06:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-23 06:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-23 06:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-23 07:07 pm (UTC)*raises glass in honor of The Paco*
no subject
Date: 2005-06-23 08:02 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-23 08:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-23 08:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-23 09:43 pm (UTC)Let me get this straight...
Date: 2005-06-24 01:37 am (UTC)I'd just assume they wouldn't know which end to talk into... or out of, as the case may be.
no subject
Date: 2005-06-24 10:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-24 12:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-25 02:25 pm (UTC)"When I get old I'm going to go skydiving with my 18 year old mistress, have sex on the way down, and let her pull her chute. I'm going to aim head-own and do my best to hit the pre-dug gravesite, and have people with rakes on hand in case I miss."
That is fuckin GENIOUS dude.
no subject
Date: 2005-06-29 05:01 pm (UTC)