Here comes the rant on the IVR...

[darkblade1.livejournal.com]

Dear Customer,

Why must you insist on getting through the voice prompts to get to me when we have something known as the IVR notifying you of an outage in your area? You insist on plowing through the menu asking you to press 3 for technical support to speak to me, a representative who knows that the DHCP server has decided to go down in that area, and has no Estimated Time Of Repair for fixing the issue. It just happened! We know that your internet is down. That's why we posted the IVR. Letting you know that it is down, and it is a known issue. Yet you persist, insisting that you need your internet right away because your losing $10,000 in your business. Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know that I had to feel pity for you because your running a business on your residential line. Shall I transfer you to the Business department?

Is it just a matter of stupidity, or is it you feel the need to yell at us because something went down that we as representatives have no control over? One of these days, I'll transfer you back into the queue so you can listen to the f*in message. Lucky for you, i'm still polite and will listen to your incoherent babbling, whining, and moaning.

Have a nice day.

Sincerely,

XXX Internet Support Rep.


*headdesk*

Comments

[ravenshrinkery.livejournal.com]

Nobody could possibly be bothered to think that we are anything other than the people that actually do everything. People like to hold us personally responsible for stuff that other people in our organization did simply because we are affiliated with the organization. I guess it makes them feel better or something.

Why can't people ever remember who sold them the stuff? Wouldn't it be nice to have these customer complaints go straight to the people who screwed up?

Or in this case, wouldn't it be nice for a customer to accept THERE IS NOBODY TO BLAME for this. Life happens, we deal and move on. So will your internet. If it pains you that badly to be without it right now get another provider.

[geekgrrl-ca.livejournal.com]

I loved when "something went down" great for our stupid stats which actually gave us a great handle time so you can actually spend time on something useful later on.

[bekscilla.livejournal.com]

One of our guys said to a caller "Did you hear the message when you rang in" "Eh, I wasn't listening" "ok, because the message tells you we're having x problem and the estimated time frame" "ooooh"

[the-s-guy.livejournal.com]

The ones who don't listen to IVR voices,
The ones whose computers are killed by dumb choices,
The ones who see manuals as no more than trash,
The ones with no future, no brains and no cash,

Wince as they waste all our time and our patience,
Grinding our teeth at their dull fabrications,
Wish you could boot them right square in the head,
Why must they blather and bicker instead?

When they're booted
From the server
And bemoan their plight
I secretly grin at the trouble they're in
They're wrong once again;
I'm right.

[fatesplaything.livejournal.com]

Please don't transfer lusers like this to the Business queues....

As someone who does business tech for his ISP, I assure you we can not do anything other than transfer them back to the residential/consumer queues (this has gotten even worse since much of those queues have been outsourced overseas).

What I liked to do when I worked those queues (prior to the outsourcing), was inform them that they were violating their service level agreement and I would be happy to cancel their account for them and transfer their penny-pinching ass to business sales. (It's amazing how quickly they shut up about their issues when you state this)

Now I just talk to people who claim to be losing $10K-20K a day when all they do is sell Astroglide over the net (I'm not kidding, this was an actual call a couple months back).