Just because I still get idiots calling
Apr. 13th, 2005 11:11 am![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
polarbee.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
techrecoveryToo many idiots believing too many virus hoaxes. Too many computers that people have gone in and randomly deleted essential files because an email told them to. As an antidote to this, I present this quite old virus hoax response.
WARNING: Goodtimes (Computer) Virus
Written by Patrick J Rothfuss
Goodtimes will re-write your hard drive. Not only that, but it will scramble any disks that are even close to your computer. It will recalibrate your refrigerator's coolness setting so all your ice cream goes melty. It will demagnetize the strips on all your credit cards, screw up the tracking on your television and use subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you try to play.
It will give your ex-girlfriend your new phone number. It will mix Kool-Aid into your fish tank. It will drink all your beer and leave its socks out on the coffee table when there's company coming over. It will put a dead kitten in the back pocket of your good suit pants and hide your car keys when you are late for work.
Goodtimes will make you fall in love with a penguin. It will give you nightmares about circus midgets. It will pour sugar in your gas tank and shave off both your eyebrows while dating your girlfriend behind your back and billing the dinner and hotel room to your Discover card.
It will seduce your grandmother. It does not matter if she is dead, such is the power of Goodtimes, it reaches out beyond the grave to sully those things we hold most dear.
It will move your car randomly around parking lots so you can't find it. It will kick your dog. It will leave libidinous messages on your boss's voice mail in your voice! It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and terrifying to behold. It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve.
Goodtimes will give you Dutch Elm disease. It will leave the toilet seat up. It will make a batch of Methanphedimine in your bathtub and then leave bacon cooking on the stove while it goes out to chase grade-schoolers with your new snowblower.
Listen to me. Goodtimes does not exist.
It cannot do anything to you. But I can. I am sending this message to everyone in the world. Tell your friends, tell your family. If anyone else sends me another E-mail about this fake Goodtimes Virus, I will turn hating them into a religion. I will do things to them that would make a horse head in your bed look like Easter Sunday brunch.
WARNING: Goodtimes (Computer) Virus
Written by Patrick J Rothfuss
Goodtimes will re-write your hard drive. Not only that, but it will scramble any disks that are even close to your computer. It will recalibrate your refrigerator's coolness setting so all your ice cream goes melty. It will demagnetize the strips on all your credit cards, screw up the tracking on your television and use subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you try to play.
It will give your ex-girlfriend your new phone number. It will mix Kool-Aid into your fish tank. It will drink all your beer and leave its socks out on the coffee table when there's company coming over. It will put a dead kitten in the back pocket of your good suit pants and hide your car keys when you are late for work.
Goodtimes will make you fall in love with a penguin. It will give you nightmares about circus midgets. It will pour sugar in your gas tank and shave off both your eyebrows while dating your girlfriend behind your back and billing the dinner and hotel room to your Discover card.
It will seduce your grandmother. It does not matter if she is dead, such is the power of Goodtimes, it reaches out beyond the grave to sully those things we hold most dear.
It will move your car randomly around parking lots so you can't find it. It will kick your dog. It will leave libidinous messages on your boss's voice mail in your voice! It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and terrifying to behold. It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve.
Goodtimes will give you Dutch Elm disease. It will leave the toilet seat up. It will make a batch of Methanphedimine in your bathtub and then leave bacon cooking on the stove while it goes out to chase grade-schoolers with your new snowblower.
Listen to me. Goodtimes does not exist.
It cannot do anything to you. But I can. I am sending this message to everyone in the world. Tell your friends, tell your family. If anyone else sends me another E-mail about this fake Goodtimes Virus, I will turn hating them into a religion. I will do things to them that would make a horse head in your bed look like Easter Sunday brunch.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2005-04-13 07:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-13 07:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-13 08:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-13 08:02 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-13 08:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-13 08:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-13 08:54 pm (UTC)ren & stimpy knock on the door, big ass fireman comes out with an axe swinging and says "i'm sorry, i thought you were circus midgets."
no subject
Date: 2005-04-13 08:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-14 01:12 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-14 02:12 am (UTC)RE: THE EMAIL YOU SENT COULD BE A VIRUS
Date: 2005-04-14 02:16 am (UTC)This virus sounds more like my ex-roommate. But i'd be all about a religion that hates people.
no subject
Date: 2005-04-14 03:10 am (UTC)It really is an amazing hoax. The response emails are the best things ever.
no subject
Date: 2005-04-14 05:16 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-14 05:17 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-14 07:09 am (UTC)don't forget...
Date: 2005-04-14 01:36 pm (UTC)You have just received the "Polish Virus"!!!
As we don't have any programming experience,
this virus works on the honor system.
Please delete all the files on your hard drive,
then manually forward this virus to everyone on your mailing list.
Thanks for your cooperation.
no subject
Date: 2005-04-15 12:28 am (UTC)