Lovely lovely remote users should be brained by a cod. For the halibut.

[infy.livejournal.com]

Me: "Corporate Service Desk, this is Infy, may I have your employee number?"
[Yes, it's a "service desk". Some of our techs may actually know nothing whatsoever about tech support, but our customer service skills just *rock*. Oif. And people wonder why I start the day with a headache.]

Lady, interjecting: "No, you may not. That's absolutely confidential and I refuse to give it you! My name is Ima Dumbkopf."

Me: [Oh geez, not another one.] "Er, okay. However, it is not and never was confidential -it is merely an easy way for us to look up your data." [A couple numbers. Unique ID. What's not to like? No spelling out names or trying to decipher relatively incoherent mumbling, which she is managing to do while screaming at me.] ... "And how may I help you?"

Lady: "I'm sick of this crap. No one can ever tell me why *my* work computer can't connect, but my home computers have no problems. This PC is a P.O.S. I hate dealing with your area, no one knows how to fix my problems! This happens all the time! You people are idiots!"

Me: [Er, WTF?] "Without you calmly explaining to me what is going on, ma'am, I will be unable to assist you. What seems to be the problem?"

Lady: [mumbled loud swear words, I can hear her husband/bf saying, 'Will you just calm down??'] "NO I WON'T. THIS IS PISSING ME OFF!"

I try to walk her through the basic tests - is the computer seeing any of its assisting devices? Ping router, ping one of our corporate ip addresses - hell no, she won't have it. Keeps ranting and yelling about how she's sick and tired of the crummy service she gets, but muffled, as if the phone is down.

I then hear her husband wander over, mention something about "Let me see it." and listen to him fiddle with the router and laptop - "OH. I see what's wrong! Um, baby? The cable isn't connected."

I am already laughing. Quietly snorfling into my hand.

Lady: "YES IT IS. I CHECKED. I can't stand this helpless desk! I hate this sh!t."

Husband: "I can't see how, it's on the floor!" More rattling. He calls out, "I'm plugging it back in....and yes, there's an internet connection!"

A couple of moments pass, and the lady picks up the phone. I'm still chuckling.

Lady: [still indignant] "Um. Yes. I think we have it figured out now. Bye."

Me: "Ma'am, was it the [I couldn't help it, I laughed aloud...long aggravating day.] cable not being plugged in properly?"

Lady: [silence] But before she hung up with a disgusted mumble, I heard her husband laughing too. And I gathered she was not happy from the sound of the phone slamming down.


----
I am so tired from these people behaving like petulant children. Instead of stewing about it and blaming everyone else, accept that it doesn't work, you're too stupid to figure it out or read the directions, and call for help. Your lack of bothering to learn about the basic usage of a computer, and the resultant embarassment you elicit haughtily when you can't even figure out how to plug in your network cable allows no reason whatsoever for you to treat me like crap. If you're going to be completely clueless, be friendly about it. I may be pressing the "nuke!" button repeatedly when I talk to you, but dammit, I'll be polite about it.

As an aside, it would be REALLY FREAKING NICE if my coworkers could bother to actually use the templates that are written up to break down the remote connection issues. There's 7 lousy questions. They're simple. They're to the point. What're you using, what errors are you getting? No, I will not assist you if you can't be bothered to ask them. Three sentences alluding to the fact that a person can't connect, but no details whatsoever when the ticket is dropped into my lap is going to end badly. Especially when you say, "Oh, I told them to call back later and talk to you." I am not going to ask them all the same questions and look like a complete idiot. If I wanted to do that, I could find ways all by myself, thank you very freakin' much. Apparently you think just because I can do this job with my eyes closed, I'll willingly fix your screwups. Uh, no. GFY.

*end rant*

Comments

[ravenshrinkery.livejournal.com]

If they are employees, don't they have some sort of policy against verbal abuse? I would think the vulgarity should have some ramifications on her.

[infy.livejournal.com]

You'd think. It used to be so easy, now you have to repeat yourself a couple of times before you can hang up, or you get written up. But tonight I was just too tired to care whether she was swearing or not.

It's too much of a production to complain with the new rules anyway. If I want to make my point known, I just say something to the effect of, "Let me confirm this. Your direct manager is xxx, right? Hmm. Good to know..." and that usually shuts them up.

[tadiera.livejournal.com]

I wish my coworkers would do something even less than that:

Goddamn PROVISIONING.
It's where the customer's connection is located.
I know we can't click a little BUTTON to copy the line of info anymore, but goddamn it, I type up the line in the amount of time it takes the customer to whine at me about their problem and STILL be more than ready.

But my coworkers still sit and whine that it's "too hard to type it all". And it pisses me, other agents, and what're essentially the Tier 3 (the people who get any Supervisor calls or "assigned up" tickets) off.

Learn to fucking type, ok? It's a single line of info, it's REALLY important, and I'd like to see it in the tickets, mmkay?

[infy.livejournal.com]

I know the feeling. They seem to value number of tickets created rather than quality tickets - okay, so I'm a bit slower, but it's because of the amount of information on their PCs that I gather before sending it off to 2nd level (if required).

Joe A$$ki$$ gets 60 tickets a day, but they're 2 line bits of garbage that usually result in the people calling back. Bringing it up to mgmt doesn't help much either.

There's no way to copy/paste it or anything on something that previously had that capability? Oooh, that's an intelligent design move. (not like this is completely unheard of these days. Heh.)

I'm sure there's other programs out there that do this (and you're probably already aware of it), but there's a neat little suite called PSTOOLS (http://www.sysinternals.com/ntw2k/freeware/pstools.shtml) which allows remote check of what kind of PC someone has (psinfo), current services running (pslist), and services kill (pskill). There's also a couple others, but I wouldn't suggest attempting to do a remote port scan on a corporate connection.

[infy.livejournal.com]

Or beat them upside the head with your Nerf(tm) Sledgehammer of Doom?

Actually, I was posting more for the irony of the call - my posts usually have a bit more silliness and/or sarcasm added. But it's nice to see someone who's not afraid to crush some nuts for their staff.

[bekscilla.livejournal.com]

Had a guy the other day, asked him at least 3 times if he had any other plugs on his laptop that he could plug his phone cable into. Calls back today "oh, the phone cable was plugged into the network port on the laptop, it's ok now"