How do you make them shut up?

[katyism.livejournal.com]

Earlier, someone inquired as to what are the most effective questions you can ask your lusers to get the job done.

I'd like to ask a related question which will probably yield some entertaining answers:

What are your favorite tactics or things to say to get the luser to shut up and/or hang up?

Doesn't matter whether you've solved their problem and want them to go away, you can't solve the problem and need the user to do something before you can, or if they keep interrupting you so that you can't solve the problem, etc.

My top three (in the setting of a university tech support call center)
1.) "Run a virus scan. That'll take about an hour (on your POS machine). Call us back with the results, k?"
2.) "Actually I can just schedule an appointment for Dorm Tech to visit your room and fix the computer."
3.) I stop talking if a professor is being long-winded and complaining more than working with me to solve the problem. They'll go on talking for awhile until they realize I'm not saying "mmm-hmm..." anymore, then they'll get back on task with something like "Are you still there? I'm sorry, what was I supposed to click on?"

I know, I'm lucky I have those tactics at my disposal, that they work, and the supervisors encourage us to use them :)

Comments

[jacobine.livejournal.com]

I do internal support, so I can do that too.

If I'm not busy, I'll stick on the phone with them while they do whatever time-consuming thing they need.

Otherwise, 'All right, wait five minutes and try again, and if it doesn't work, let us know.'

Sometiumes I simple 'Thank you!' works, too.

I had the hardest time figuring out how to end calls when I was new. Now I'll just end with something along the lines of 'All right. I'll open a ticket and see if I can get your tech to come take a look.'

[compwizrd.livejournal.com]

For my Win95/Win98 users: "Windows Sucks. Reboot"

[jacobine.livejournal.com]

Hello fingers. Meet the proper keys. 'Sometimes a simple....'

[jecook]

Yep. I'm allowed (and encouraged) to do the same. I can even be mean if the situation warrents it.

[geekgrrl-ca.livejournal.com]

This seems to encourage them to bring up every other problem.

[geekgrrl-ca.livejournal.com]

The hold button is your friend. Particularly when you have some one impatient.

[samwize.livejournal.com]

When I was supporting a customer support call center (I supported the CSRs for the cell phone company) they used Callmaster phones, which run through the workstation and are controlled through software.

On a few occaisions I had to go with "Ok, hit Cntl-Alt-Delete. Now in processes, look for "phone.exe". Click on it. Ok, now hit "End Task"." *click*

[zig-mover.livejournal.com]

hahahahahah

[geekgrrl-ca.livejournal.com]

Nice!!! I wish I could do that with my customers.

[ex-prunesnp.livejournal.com]

Having the user perform a chkdsk /f on their array usually worked wonders for getting me time to research.

[fuego.livejournal.com]

hmmm...a few of mine...

1. I get calls on "sensory issues" all the time...odd noises, high temperature on the machine...my response is "that's somethign that I can't really evaluate over the phone. i'd like you to take the computer to a service provider and have them check it out in person"

2. "I'd like you to run the extended hardware test in looping mode for about 8 hours and call us back. It's easiest if you start it before you go to sleep tonight and check the result in the morning."

3. "Go run your software updates. Call back if that doesn't help" and if it's an airport call "Don't forget to update your firmware afterwards by opening the admin utility and clicking configure. It'll prompt you to update once you enter your password."

4. "Call your ISP and ask them to reset your MAC address."

5. "This is a third party issue. You'll have to call Microsoft/AOL/HP."

[the-s-guy.livejournal.com]

Well, (you have no discernable issue at all, so) I'll keep a ticket open for this problem. Keep an eye on it and call us back immediately if it happens again. Here's the ticket number."

*sets resolution code to No Fault Found, closes ticket*

From the same stable...

[megpie71.livejournal.com]

There's the good old troubleshooting trio:

* Does this happen on another computer?
* Does it happen to someone else on your computer?
* Does it happen when you log back into your computer?

This usually gave me enough free moments to be able to read one hell of a lot. Getting rid of them was as easy as "Okay, here's your ticket number, have a nice day."

The trickier ones to get rid of were the ones who had to be escalated - sometimes it was a bit like drawing teeth to get them to realise that I couldn't stay on the phone until the third level team got back to us. My usual answer for those were along the lines of "they'll phone you back once they've finished."

[residentgeek.livejournal.com]

"Did you reboot?"

It helps that most of the machines around here are PIII 700MHz or less.

If that fails (or they actually did it!), then I just say, "Okay, I'll be over in a minute to check it out." and then finish reading LJ or whatever else I'm doing until I think they're sufficiently respectful of my time :o)