Question for my fellow tech support call takers

[katyism.livejournal.com]

When on an extremely insistent/worried/whiny/too-talkative-interrupty customer call, and you cannot fix or explain the problem they are having, how do you get rid of them and get to a point where you can hang the fuck up, politely?

For instance, in my support center it is a strict rule that we do not attempt to support people's coding problems with making their silly little web pages. We can tell you the basics of Front Page, we can tell you how to upload your shit on the server and set permissions, and that's it. I cannot go through your web page source and enumerate every typo, bad syntax, and bad reference you and your shitty web editing client put there. Even if I know exactly what the problem is and coudl tell you what to type to fix it. For the users we deal with, we'd get in trouble with that because then they'd have us teaching them the basics of HTML over the phone and writing their code for them.

Anyway, I'm rambling. My curiosity here is how do you handle the whiny callers who still go on and on about the problem, bugging you to fix it because they "KNOW you know how", even if you've repeated over and over We Do Not Support This, please contact your computer manufacturer or go visit the online HTML training course on our site, or whatever the protocol is. I'm interested in creative tactics and ways of putting things differently that will get the customer to shut the fuck up and ask for help from a more appropriate source.

Comments

[belovedcrown.livejournal.com]

explain to your management that there seems to be a big demand [and potential market] for this sort of help and offer to start doing development work for a percentage of the profits? That's what i did at my old company and turned out to be quite lucrative.

[katyism.livejournal.com]

oh there's enough of a demand and market for that sort of help. in fact there's a whole department of people in the webmaster's office paid to do HTML training and support. it's just not *our* department even if we are able to handle it, because we are just general catch-all tech support and we route special cases to other departments all the time. .the issue is getting callers to accept that they have to call or e-mail someone else (we even offer to make a phone transfer FOR them so they don't have to push any more buttons on their phone). but they don't want to put down the phone, thinking they're getting the runaround, so they try all their tricks to get us to stay on the line and perform unauthorized support for them. if this were a real business instead of an over-hierarchical academic beaurocracy, i'd go for your idea :)

[jacobine.livejournal.com]

I think in that case I'd end up saying something like 'I'm afraid that I don't know that. However, it's also not within our realm of support. I recommend you [contact your vendor/get this book/etc]. Is there anything else I can help you with?'

And if that didn't quite work, I'd tell them I'm sorry, have a nice day. Click. :)

Granted, at my office I do try to help, but I'm all internal support and people call me and ask odd things. It's a bit different. We don't even use call metrics.

[jacobine.livejournal.com]

Oh, in that case, I would just transfer them without asking. 'I can't help you with that, but I'll transfer you to the department who can. Hold on a second.'

Transfer that sucker ;)

[zig-mover.livejournal.com]

CaSeSeNsItIvItY is the biggest issue with our server. If an image isn't loading right for some reason on a site we're hosting, the most I will do is check that. I sometimes try to go out of our support scope and help someone with something I know how to do, but only if (a) i am not busy, and (b) they're not jerks.

I will only help them to an extent, though. I can reccomend ad-aware, and even tell them the URL of the site (".de? do i put a .com after that?"), but will not tell them how to operate the program. I'll show them how to get to WindowsUpdate, but not how to use it. We're not Computer Tech Support, we're CompanyX Internet Tech Support.

They're lucky I even help them with Linux.

[mtlchick.livejournal.com]

I tell people I could lose my job because of the liability involved. Not 100% true but it makes a hard one to answer to, especially if you give them another outlet (like the tutorials or whatnot). I used to do tier 1 support for MS FrontPage and it was a constant struggle to get people to understand that neither I or the program could/would take the place of a qualified web designer.

[katyism.livejournal.com]

Oh god, the call metrics...kill me now.

My workplace is so strict about handling calls. Hanging up without a customer's implied consetn is grounds for termination, so I have to get the customer to say something like "OK thank you bye" before I'm allowed to hang up. My daily existence is devoted for clever social engineering ways to get them to feel that it's ok to hang up.

[jecook]

Took the words clean outta my mouth..

[valiskeogh.livejournal.com]

i developed the art of saying "OOOKAY?" VERY well

there is a certain way you can say "OOOKAY?" that means "GET... OFF... MY... PHONE... cause i aint doing SHIT ELSE." but still sounds nice :)

[inpotentia.livejournal.com]

What works well for one of the girls in our tech support team is taking the stance of "I'm just a girl *giggle*" (yes, thats a direct quote). She's super nice and friendly on the phone and sounds likes she wants to help but doesn't know how.

Maybe you could try the direct approach of "I'm sorry, as I said we don't provide support for writing the web pages. Did you have any other questions about (insert what you do support here)? No? Thanks for your call, goodbye.".

We also get a lot of misdirected call from people needing accounts or another technical support area and I just say "Sure, I'll just pop you through to the correct area and they'll be able to help you out. Thanks" and transfer them.

[solradia.livejournal.com]

It's all in the acting, at least imho. I put on my most bright, cheerful, caring voice, and say, "While I am unable to help you with that, I know just the people that can. If you hang on a minute, I'll transfer you right now, ok?"

Tacking the "ok?" at the end usually gets an ok in response in a lot of cases.

Then, I use the "brick wall" theory. "No, I am not trained or qualified to help with that, ((even if I really am)) I'm sorry, but let me transfer you to someone who can, ok?"

After hearing that a couple of times, it starts to sink in.

[fnordx.livejournal.com]

The EULA for tech support is a big help. Make sure you read it, and understand it. If a customer asks you to do something that's not in there, explain to them that, per the contract they signed with the company, that is an unsupported area. Normally at that point in the web hosting place I work at, it goes over to paid support. Once they hear that, most people are anxious to hear any suggestions I can give them.

[swwinchester.livejournal.com]

1 : First, you tell them where they can get help.
They try and persist.
2 : Then you offer to transfer them.
They try and persist.
3 : Then you wave your hand, say "This is not the tech support group you're looking for".
If they try and persist, and they might be confused at this point, take it from step 1.
If they make it to step 3 a second time, repeat step 3.

Hone step 3 until you can successfully make them say "This is not the tech support group I'm looking for. You can go about your buisness. Move along, move along" with ONLY you jedi mind tricking the first part of it.

Failing that, you should start asking them questions that have nothing to do with anything technical at all. "Say, do you know of any really good recipies for pumpkin pie?" "What's the weather like?" "You know, if you want more help than I'm giving you right now, you really need to talk to the right group ... what did you think of the game last night?"

[lilithsatyne.livejournal.com]

perhaps make a recording that you can put them on hold to listen to. a really annoying recording, that doesn't answer questions, but asks many and asks them to press in buttons and such... and then at the end somthing witty like, to fix the problem yourself, just hang up.. ehehehe.

people are stupid and they don't like to be told no. eventually they will learn.

[gravito.livejournal.com]

Say this:
"On a personal level, I would not mind helping you, however unfortunately my time is required for troubleshooting technical support issues. Servers go down here at the ISP infrequently, but we have to be able to handle the stress of answering several calls when people cannot connect to the Internet. I appreciate your interest in this type of support however, and will mention it to my direct supervisor as a possible new development we can consider undertaking."

After first mentioning that, follow up every pause she makes with, "I'm sorry, but I cannot help you with web design issues or questions."

After the third repetition, she will get the idea.

[highaltitude.livejournal.com]

If you're not getting anywhere, and just going in circles, just say something like, "I'm sorry, as I have explained several times, this is not something we support. I have several other callers in the queue and I need to let you go so I can help them. I'm going to hang up now. Goodbye." Then hang up before they utter a peep. Seriously. That is what I do.

[springdew.livejournal.com]

I'm green with envy. We don't have a tutoring department, though we do have a department that'll do the coding for you, for a fee, which people never want to pay.

I've had quite a lot of success with this tack:

(indulgent understanding voice) I certainly know what you mean; I completely understand. However, because we are technical support, the fix-it guys, we just don't have the training or resources to offer instruction. How about I send you an email with links to some sites that could get you started?

The fix-it guys approach also helps with late night customers who want billing work done right NOW:

(indulgent understanding voice again) I hear you and certainly understand, but we are technical support, the fix-it guys. As I'm sure you understand, the people with the monkeywrenches are not the same people who get to keep the books. We just don't have the access. Please do call Customer Service in the morning and they'll be able to take care of you properly.

[rhonan.livejournal.com]

One nice thing about doing support in the cellular industry is that I have two easy outs in that situation. If the evidence will let me, I can just tell them that they are in a dead spot, and recommend they get a signal booster and external antenna. And I can always sugget that they take their handset into a sales outlet and have it looked at.

[dmsalem00.livejournal.com]

Somewhat comparable to when people call in when their OS craps out on them, and it's one that WE didn't put on there. We only support, for good reason, the OS that we sold them on that computer. So when your 8 year old computer that's running windows XP professional edition with *shudder* service pack 2 blue-screens on you, and we shipped it with Windows 95, I can't help you with your STOP: 0x0000007B, even if you swear up and down you're still running Windows 95(yes, people try to tell me that).

I'm sorry, but from a LEGAL standpoint, we CANNOT support something that WE did not sell you. That's Microsoft's job at this point.

[residentgeek.livejournal.com]

"I'm just a girl *giggle*"

Oh, so *that's* where people get the idea I can't do my job. I understand the impulse to cop out sometimes, but it does end up causing problems in the long run. Guess it would depend on the caller.